It costs us something -- this freedom.

Someone wrote it on this site recently. The idea that it costs us something to be free. Free of the psychopath.

It's really true.

I'm learning that it costs me something to stand up for myself and say "No" or "No Thank You" or "I won't settle for that".

It costs me to listen to my gut, to my intuition. It's scary. It can be expensive and inconvenient.

I'm negotiating to buy a house. It seems like one of the sellers is a psychopath. Okay. So what. I didn't sign up to do a business deal with a psycho. But --- surprise! A psycho! He wants to try to push me into a deal that doesn't work for me. So, whatamigonnado? Am I gonna cry about it? Am I going to 'stay in the marriage for the children' over it? (that was a little analogy, ya know).

No. I said what I have to say: This is my boundary. This is what I can do. This is what I can't. Take it or leave it.

It might cost me some cash to walk away from the deal. Oh well. Cost of doing business. IT WILL COST ME MORE TO STAY IN A DEAL THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. Most importantly, it costs me my integrity.

I'm just learning this stuff.

Anybody else out there learn this too? On your path forward from recovery from psychopathic nonsense?

That thing I had - where I was afraid to do or say because I didn't want to make so&so MAD or UPSET????? F THAT! That was NONSENSE!!!! WHOOOOOO RAISED me to be like that???? OH YEAH.... my psychopathic mother!!!! Good -- TARGET in TRAINING. And to be fair...a psychopathic culture (do I get agreement on this?).

See -- I was a perfect target for psycho ex. When things weren't workable -- I STAYED -- because to GO would have been inconvenient, etc. I'd say to him "this isn't workable" and he'd say "you don't think anything is workable". So, I twisted myself into some sort of broken girl & here I am. Almost fixed and put back together. Standing up for myself even though it's inconvenient.

Maybe the psycho house owner will do the deal in a way that suits me and I won't have to walk. He's not completely in charge. There are other owners of this property. Maybe the deal will fall apart. Who knows.

I'm choosing to think of it In God's Hands. God hands. Intuition. Listening carefully. Not twisting myself into something else. Faith.

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