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Intrusive thoughts about all the other women...

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#1 Jan 15 - 3PM
nadine31
nadine31's picture

Intrusive thoughts about all the other women...

I can't stop these hideous images in my head of all the women (12) he slept with in our year together. Imagining them together, what they did, what they said, how he approached them, how he must have kissed me after going down on them, how he reeled them in...

Is this normal? How do you deal with the constant, sickening imagery and narrative? It's literally driving me mad.

Jan 15 - 6PM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Ugh...

Just reading this post triggered me into remembering when I saw physical evidence that he had been with the OW. It was so degrading and he was so calm when I questioned him and lied like a pro with absolutely no emotion. Douche bags. Let's not think about it Nadine as they are so not worth one moment in our loving brains.
Jan 15 - 3PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

The thoughts you have are

The thoughts you have are very normal to have. However, they are extremely unhealthy thoughts for you to have through your journey. Please always remember, that you aren't alone. Know that he has done this to 13 women in one year, that you know of and they meant nothing to him. Unfortunately, neither did you, me or anyone on this forum. You must know in your heart and head, that we did not, and will not matter. As far as him "going down" on them and kissing you afterwards, as gross as that seems, there is a big possibility that that never happened. So no sense fretting over that. It will only drive you crazy. They are sexually deviant beings, and there was nothing you could have done differently to avoid him. But, once you heal, you will never find yourself in this position again. Try to shake these thoughts. It's irrelevant at this point. Concentrate on you, your journey and your knowledge of the disorder. Stay strong and NC! And read as much as possible in NPD and stay close to the forum. We understand.
Jan 15 - 3PM
bgirl
bgirl's picture

It is such a huge betrayal.

It is such a huge betrayal. You must be absolutely devastated! It is a reflection on him, not you. Maybe you could write him a letter asking him who would do such a thing and also an opportunity for getting your feelings out too...post it here, others will comment and validate you xx B
Jan 15 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
lettinggoNP44
lettinggoNP44's picture

Me too...

Nadine: I can sympathize and relate. I too thought about the women he was with right before he kissed me. He never admitted to me, but I know for a fact that he was with the OW (at least one) physically while he was with me, even having sex with the both of us on the same day. It's torture and disgusts me to think about...but know that it will lessen. It is a HUGE BETRAYAL. You will never wrap your head around it. The only thing I can tell you is that as your life starts to get leaps and bounds better, you will stop obsessing so much. I agree that perhaps you need to get it all on paper (don't send it).