Insanity and Acceptance of What Is

During the last several years, I've feared that I'd become insane behind my never-ending analysis, judgments, anger, manipulations and a multitute of other emotions surrounding the N and his behavior. I gave him all my power and I lost myself by living in a constant state of unconsciousness. I even became seriously sick behind it all. The CD and wanting what I wanted kept me stuck. I wondered if I would ever be able to clear my mind of all the memories.

I realize now that if I wish to live the rest of my life in peace, without drama and suffering, the only way to do it is through acceptance of what is. I created much of my own suffering through attempting to change reality. I resisted what was and tried to change it. I saw the red flags and ignored them. I kept going back to give the slot machine one last pull and each time, I lost another part of my soul. All the while, Mr. Big kept his big smile as he proceeded to gather supply from his long list of OW, without a care in the world. He got his power from watching me suffer.

For me, the way out of insanity is to stop being the victim of my past by living in the present moment. I gave the past all my power and life continued on, w/o me being part of it. My choices are to finally stop living in reverse or to continue obsessing thereby, putting myself at risk of ending up in the lunie bin; all behind a SELF CENTERED, EGOTISTICAL SOB who doesn't give a F.