inrecoverynow's story
inrecoverynow's story
I had my story posted in here under a different name, but I'll do an udpate, because if all goes well, I'll be divorced from an NPD tomorrow, 1/28/10. I didn't know he was narcissist for most of those years. I just knew something was very wrong in our relationship and our family, but I couldn't quite figure out WHAT IT WAS. Then, I heard about Lisa Scott's book on the Oprah Channel, starting reading this site, bought some books and read more, and finally understood.
He is brilliant and creative and what is apparently a "low-functioning NPD." He has never been able to keep his jobs (teaching) for long because he ALWAYS makes his administrator mad because he does his own thing, and probably makes it clear to them that he's smarter and his ideas are better. He was a porn addict, really sick, nasty porn. When he discovered the Internet, he was in hog heaven with all that free porn. He lied to me about everything under the sun. When caught red-handed, HE WOULD CONTINUE TO LIE!
He would never apologize or admit he was wrong (maybe once or twice in all those years). He had a quick temper and a wicked tongue, but was never physically abusive. Just emotionally and occasionally verbally. Yet, he would tell ME I was abusive to him and our kids. I am now in my mid-50s and I feel old, depressed, and used up.
I don't know if I will ever be happy again. I am in therapy, but I don't think my counselor really understands the disorder very well and how devastating it has been to be with this man for 25 years. BTW, he hurried me into marrying him. Had I waited a little longer, and discovered the deceit, I would NOT have married him. I detest lying above almost anything. I am still very angry at his betrayal and inability to see that he did anything wrong.
And yet, the rescuer part of me STILL feels sorry for how lonely he is since I left him. He texts me and it's always about how sick he has been and about how terrible it is that I'm divorcing him, etc. I'm very, very lonely and dealing with severe depression. But, at least I'm trying to take my life back.
Oh, I developed chronic headaches, eczema/ psoriasis during all those years, too. The latter are auto-immune disorders exacerbated by stress.
Those of you who hook up with these people, when you identify what they are, RUN THE OTHER WAY. Don't try to escape years later like I am, with years of damage already done to you and your children.
disppeared during labor
doesn't matter
Now been divorced awhile
inrecoverynow
What low level means
I feel for you...I am 59
Clara, wait for it..........
Wishing you a better future and commiserating
Toss You Away
lemon