The INCREDIBLE pain of having a Narc Mother

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 24 - 10AM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

The INCREDIBLE pain of having a Narc Mother

Someone posted today about their narc mother and I shared the following and would like to add on to it with other people's posts. I just want to kill her. There is no pain worse than a parent being a narcissist and I lost my own father narc when i was 20 from a drug overdose and today I deal with a mother who is an awful narc. My mother and father were both prescription pain and sedative addicts my whole life and my mother never told me anything about being a woman or a girl, heck she never got out of bed. My mother is very beautiful but she never told me I was. She cut my beautiful curly long hair off at 4 years old to the length of a short boy's haircut because "it took her too long to comb through my rat's nest of hair". Isn't that nice? I am 44 and I am finally growing my hair without cutting it for the first time in my life. My life is so behind everyone else's. She never took me to a dentist. My father would beat us with belts across our legs and my mother would come to our bedrooms and drag me and my older brother out from under the bed by our hair so she could bring us in his room for him to take his belt out to beat us - for nothing. we did nothing. even if we had, you don't beat your kids.

I want to keep seeing how I treat my little sons and if anything keeps me NC from these narcs it's for the sake of my little boys who really just need their Mommy.

Apr 25 - 10AM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My mother has BPD and NPD

and is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. As a child she would hit my half-sister and I with a fly swatter to spank us because it stings like hell, but doesn't leave evidence like a belt would. She was also neglectful of us and we were never a priority, always taking second place to the men in her life. She's been married 5 times and had countless engagements and boyfriends in between. She divorced my father when I was a baby and I eventually went to live with him when I was around 5 so he raised me, and that's what saved me from being totally crazy. Of course my mother was still in my life, but I can't even imagine what it would have been like to grow up with her being my primary care taker. The damage she inflicted before I was 5 was enough, along with what she did on her visitation weekends over the years. Several years ago I decided that just because she was my mother, I didn't need to put up with her emotional and verbal abuse anymore, and started studying BPD and went NC for several months. She ended up breaking NC by sending me a birthday card with a check in it (ploy), so I ended up calling her to thank her, but said I wouldn't be cashing the check. I could have marked the envelope Return to Sender and refused it, but I didn't want to be that mean. So now I have VERY limited contact with her, only talking to her on the phone every couple of months or so and on Holidays. Sometimes when I'm in her state visiting my sister and friends I don't even tell her I'm there, other times I will see her briefly, always with other people and for very short time periods. Just having lunch with her can be very dicey and hard to get through. Talk about walking on eggshells! Dealing with her is like handling Nitro Glycerin. You have to be extremely careful of every move you make or she'll explode.
Apr 24 - 2PM
dudette
dudette's picture

both my parents

are on the spectrum somewhere , both total assholes...what this has taught me however, is that those degenerates do not change... they still are and will always will be... If anything, the N has done me a favour here because I have gone NC with both of them and I feel much better for it... Mucho lovo Dx
Apr 24 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Dudette you cut off contact

Dudette you cut off contact with both parents?
Apr 25 - 3AM (Reply to #6)
dudette
dudette's picture

yes I did PG

My mental survival depended on it.... After the break up with N, I visited my dad in vietnam and realized the enormity of the double life he leads and the lies, the control... I was very low and he pushed me further down. He has no compassion for me, told me that he used to do that a lot, sleep with married women until they fell in love and left their husbands and then would brutally dump them.. not a care... He has a second wife and kids, it all looks so perfect on the surface. They live in france. he lives in vietnam with a scrofulous semi prostitute and still shags everything that moves...he abandoned me to his harem for the whole week and I never saw him alone during that time. He used to slag off the women we were with, as they were sitting at dinner with us, telling me what suckers they were, how they were all in love with him but they would all get dumped eventually... My father is a total asshole and I would be glad to never see him again....He says he is happy this way, leaving a trail of destruction behind him.....sick bastard....he is now 65 ish, has never changed, will never change... My mother is a narc obsessed with money and possessions. I was an only child so both trophy child and scapegoat whenever convenient for her....she was very violent and would leave me alone at night frequently to spend the night with her lovers. She was caught once by my grand mother, having hidden my pyjamas in the bathroom and asked me to look for them in my bedroom....gaslighting a child. who does that? When they divorced, I suffered a succession of her fuckwit boyfriends, and as a teenager, most of them tried to get me behind closed doors, her only reaction to that was that I should not tell anyone. She used to go missing a lot between episodes of deep depression...as a hobby she sues the neighbours, for no reason, just to occupy her time, justout of envy.... she is also a monster....she blames me for everything and denies the majority of things that have happended. Now you tell me PG, now that I realize all this, would you agree that i don't ned those people in my life? Lots of love to you Dx x x x Whe
Apr 24 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

Narc parents

Isn't it weird how something like cutting your hair stayed in your mind for so long? Working at my job renting tux's to teenage boys,you wouldn't believe how many narc parents there are...i love the ones who roll up in their range rovers,rolex's,louis vuitton purses,and want to know what the cheapest tux we have is,and won't let the kid even pick out the color vest,etc...then to 'save' money,they say he'll just wear his own shoes..then they get done with that and end up with a 300dollar purchase of clothes for themselves....fricking amazing....!
Apr 24 - 2PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

You need therapy to deal with

You need therapy to deal with this abuse . I was also abused by my mother and when I turned 50 eveything I thought I had dealt with and got over, suddenly raised its head again. You need to go back to that child state and reprogram yourself. You are valuable well donr for being open to discuss this. x
Apr 24 - 1PM
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

That's not just narc, that's

That's not just narc, that's abuse. My father is a narc, and as much as he's driven me crazy and caused psychological issues all through my life, he never beat me or treated me like that. I know how you feel about being "behind" other people - all I can say is it gets better. One thing I would also say is that, frankly, virtually everyone has problems of one sort or another, so you aren't as "different" as you might think.