I'm thinking REVENGE..has anyone done this to an ex N?

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#1 Aug 25 - 8PM
foreverfun1's picture

I'm thinking REVENGE..has anyone done this to an ex N?

I'm so angry how he used me and abused me that i feel the only way to have even a drop of justice is to do this list of mean "tricks" i've written. now this is not like me at all, i've never been so childish and "crazy" but do you all think it would be a good idea and would make me feel better?

Aug 28 - 9AM
agnesmurphy17's picture


Revenge is about wanting to make him suffer & feel the same loss as you did yourself. Revenge is not about correcting a wrong, equalizing after an injustice. I think the problem is that no matter what one does to these pathologically disordered men, it never registers. They always remain the victim. Your victim. They are never responsible for the consequences of their own actions. And if they can't put a spin on it -- they outright lie. And, this is how they triumph in the court system & with circles of acquatinances. They push their victim so far. And then they deny everything so convincingly. And of course, if the woman tells herside of the sotry, what he did, who would believe? I mean that's nuts & why would she put up with such nonsense?
Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #54)
foreverfun1's picture

lol ur so right. which is why

lol ur so right. which is why its so frustrating and humiliating. my ex always wins in court. they lie w/o any conscience
Aug 27 - 12PM
peacelily76's picture

No revenge will make you feel better!

Hey lovely! No revenge is the best way forward although I know it doesn't feel good feeling powerless. An eye for an eye rarely produces progress. If you stick with the 'no revenge and no contact' plan, in a year from now you will like yourself so much for not doing anything rash. As an aside, just to make you giggle, the day I went to collect my clothes from my silly ex, he went up into the roof to get my suitcase down (crying crocodile tears of course) and whilst he was up there, the entire ceiling fell in. We had put eco-insulation up in the loft which is basically compounded newspaper shreds, and the entire lot came down on his bed. Ha ha ha!!! I still laugh my socks off about this. He said, "Where will I sleep?" to which I replied, "Somewhere in there!" Quality!! Hee hee!
Aug 28 - 12PM (Reply to #52)
SoaperGirl's picture

No Revenge to make yourself feel better?

At this point, I'm fine with letting my ex-narc go in peace. I figure he'll self-destruct himself at some point. I have no doubt he'll abuse any woman he takes up with. That makes me sad because no woman deserves that kind of pain IMO. For most of my life, I have had the philosophy of not seeking to harm people, especially the innocent. I do agree with you. When I was in my anger phase, I did take some actions that did make me feel better. None were intended to be really vicious or inflict actual harm; merely to let him know of my displeasure. One of which was to warn his new OW and leave warnings to any future OW who were smart enough to do a background check on him a couple of websites. In words, my intention was to provide tools of information to help them save themselves from a world of pain and suffering. Of course if any of it happened to cause him any public embarrassment by exposing the man behind the "Good Man" image so be it. Now I am NC, and I rather think it will remain that way. No longer angry or bitter, my wounds are healed, and I am at peace.
Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #51)
foreverfun1's picture

lmao! thats awesome lol

lmao! thats awesome lol
Aug 27 - 12PM (Reply to #49)
Used's picture


this made me so laugh....he made his bed now he can lie in it....
Aug 28 - 3PM (Reply to #50)
peacelily76's picture

I came back and took the bed away!!

The bed was mine and I got removal men to collect ALL of my possessions a few weeks later. He tried to ask where my stuff was being taken to. I have specifically told the removal company to say NOTHING to him other than it was all 'going into storage'. He would have tried to hoover me for sure. So, I took my lovely king size Victorian bed out. What do you know?!! He goes and buys exactly the same model of bed, only he can't afford the king size so he buys the next size down! Ha ha! a) this proves he has NO imagination b) he is too tight to buy the king size c) he is pathological and cannot bear not to be surrounded by familiar objects. I was just a familiar OBJECT to him. Now I want to be a sexy woman who is loved by a proper man!
Aug 27 - 12AM
wisdomneeded's picture

NC is truly the best revenge

My daughters Ex N boyfriend called her at the end of May after the D & D two days after Valentines day. She was desperate for closure and answered the phone...He still loved her, wanted to get back BLAH BLAH EFFING BLAH! She of course FORGAVEEEEEEEEEEE HIM. Three days later he has sex with a friend of hers that she had actually warned about his lies and manipulation. So this brings me to REVENGE. Yep she was angry and took matters into her own hands - she executed a prank on his car. Nothing permanent - washable paint on the windows venting. Well the Narc caught sight of her car as it was pulling out and..FIRST CALLED HIS MOMMY who then CALLED THE COPS ON HER. So yea....journal your revenge. Post on this site, but remain NC. They are SOB's and do not deserve your time of day.
Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #41)
foreverfun1's picture

i was thinking of hiding a

i was thinking of hiding a raw chicken in places in his house like under oven and inside the back of the dryer. it would take a while to rot so he wouldnt connect it with me. hes a real clean freak so this would drive him nuts and mess up his game with the OWs
Aug 28 - 3PM (Reply to #47)
needing2know's picture

Just make hima big batch of

Just make hima big batch of brownies with x-lax in them lmao!
Aug 28 - 3PM (Reply to #46)
peacelily76's picture

I did this with fish!

I put fish behind his fridge the day I collected my furniture! I'm so naughty!
Aug 28 - 10AM (Reply to #42)
Swan's picture

revenge story

SPURNED WIFE'S CURTAIN ROD REVENGE She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room, removed the window cornices, and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!! I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Aug 28 - 11AM (Reply to #43)
foreverfun1's picture


HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aug 28 - 11AM (Reply to #44)
needing2know's picture


Aug 28 - 11AM (Reply to #45)
Swan's picture

and don't think

that story didn't come to mind as I was moving out!!! ;-)
Aug 26 - 12PM
ordinarycourage's picture

Revenge = NC

Anyone a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? My daughters and I have been watching the series this summer. One of the characters is a "Vengeance Demon" whose life's purpose is to fulfill the wishes of women wronged in relationships. This vengeance demon becomes human, falls in love, and is jilted at the altar. She once again becomes a vengeance demon but is unable to extract vengeance against her ex because her friends will not support her in her plan. They know it will not make her feel better, but likely it will make her feel worse. Think your thoughts but don't act on them! Be better than your exN because you definitely are. Hugs
Aug 26 - 11AM
LuckySpurs's picture

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Rarely is it ever done correctly. When done to a narc, they only seek to escalate it and now they have "proof" that you are "crazy" and will tell everyone and their dog about how you are obsessing over them and/or harrassing them. You're not going to beat a narc at treatly someone cruelly. They've had a lifetime of experience in doing just that. The best revenge is NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT is what really ruffles their feathers and gets them all twisted up inside.
Aug 28 - 3PM (Reply to #36)
How could I
How could I's picture


Why do I feel right now like he's the one that is No Contact? I was sure that this morning he'd try to worm his way into my life again asking if he could see me tomorrow. Sick thing is that I am feeling sad that he didn't try to talk to me. I need a pep talk girls!
Aug 28 - 3PM (Reply to #37)
needing2know's picture

i feel the same way you do

i feel the same way you do sometimes, he never has made an attempt to contact me even in the past when he dumped me. i feel like I am punishing myself not him. And I probably am punishing myself because he doesn't care one way or the other and it sucks!
Aug 29 - 2AM (Reply to #38)
1stnarcexp11's picture

I know right!! He gave me the

I know right!! He gave me the silent treatment (first time ever really pre-breakup) for 3 days after a minor tiff where in I simply told him that I was tired (and I was considering the 7 hour time difference and avg. of 3 hrs sleep max per night) and frustrated b/c he was worrying me over a task he wanted me to do for him and then suddenly his friend. So after telling him basically no and that I (a human) was tired and frustrated he flipped out like a child and was like, "no...nevermind. I will tell my friend u won't do it. Just get some rest..." To myself I was like "wow!! he didn't flip out! HE is being understanding?!" Then before I could register that thought the narc rage came and he just started spewing and wanting to end the conversation. TYPICAL! So he said he would be on later and that never came. I emailed him apologizing (sorta) and then I sent him an offline IM and NOTHING! For three days he had nothing to say. Just disappeared. So when I saw that he signed on to sites and IM without telling me or contacting me I sent him a letter ending it...again! He never responded anytime I broke it off just retreated...seemingly forever. But never stayed away for good, unfortunately. He will be back I am sure when he visits the states to see his cousin. Miraculously he will be "so in love"....loser! This last time, after three months of NC once I dumped him he just suddenly came back trying to win me over with the same BS and false promises, I let him in (albeit reluctantly) and then after a week and a half of him demanding and expecting things he flips twice when I assert my will or disagree or make too many concessions, and then he just vanishes. REPEAT. Each time I left, even though I ended it, I felt as if HE was giving me no contact. It's crazy! But that is what they do. Even in NC he can turn it around and have the control!! B/c despite him saying he was without another for 3 months (BS by the way) I know he could give two craps about me or the fact that we are not talking. Me, however, I am waiting for him to come to me AGAIN....it makes me so angry these stupid games. I just wanna stop playing them and meet a man who is what he only presented himself to be...... OR have him get a brain transplant lol. I know that won't happen. Either way I must accept that it is the same crap diff/t day with them. They expect and do whatever they want with NO nevermind to others. We never had issues as long as I did for him but reverse that and he was over it. Yeh, that's love LOL...NOT! Users they are......
Aug 26 - 11PM (Reply to #34)
foreverfun1's picture

you're so cool and right.

you're so cool and right. thanks. sometimes it just feels like the NC isnt really having an effect cuz hes happy with someone else and i'm dying but ill try to take ur word for it
Aug 27 - 1AM (Reply to #35)
Journey's picture

You have no idea how much NC is really affecting him...

I'm sorry you are hurting, we can all relate and I want to point out that HE ISN'T really happy and YOU ARE NOT really dying! It just seems like he's happy (narcs are seldom if ever emotionally deep enough to feel any true happiness), and it only feels like you are dying ( but really it is the dream of who you thought he was and meant to you that is dying). Allow yourself to grieve the death (of the masked pretender you loved) and you WILL begin to come alive again - NC is the way! ((hugs))

Journey on...

Aug 25 - 11PM
aceonelady's picture

Revenge...i wish

Is been almost 3 years since my D&D...I am still feeling raped,abused used and left for dead...He snt me in April,May,June emails saying he was sorry about the insults,sent me a spoken poem about how his life is messed up and another about how he sees himself...as the Evil minion...Doing devil's work ...lately sent me another email asking what's up with me..he says he notices i haven't been contacting him for sometime now and he hopes everything is going ok with me...Yes i have been NC for about 2 months now...and my emotions are in a rollecoaster...i am numb mostly,but also angry,sad,calm,agressive,feeling totally unbalenced...i work out at thegym 4 times aweek,lost weight,getting a lot of positive reactions...i am very proud of myself i do not contact him(i live in Holland he in Oklahoma)because i cannot sleep nights since we used to talk on Skype nights,and i am thanks God being able to not email him anymore.He blocked me everywhere,changed his cell but gave me an Hotmil address to contact him (he said special made for me).I am not using it.I am depressed and sad,angry,but sometimes i feel sorry for him...But the Revenge feeling is still here in my core...he TOOK ME AWAY FROM ME...he apologized,not so long ago but also said he wants nothing to do with me...But he did contact me when i went silent.What a shitty situation...i am feeling like Bob Dylan...NO DIRECTION HOME,LIKE AA ROLLING STONE...


Aug 25 - 10PM
Hunter's picture


You were emotionally raped,we all were! Revenge is part of the healing process! They are cruel predators, once you realize what has happened, revenge is in the forefront! One thing you must learn is, you can not win with a narcissist ! Silence is your revenge! Hunter
Aug 25 - 10PM
Deidre40's picture

You know...I remember posting

You know...I remember posting a similar thread here. lol I will say, no. Don't exact revenge. Because it will not bring the results you desire. Will you 'undo' the abuse? No. Will you feel worse? Most likely. Why? Because you, my dear, are not a narc. You are a good soul. You fell in love with a bad guy. It's really as simple as that. We were hurt, abused, and treated like trash...but. They're gone now. It's time to heal. If you want to feel anger, feel it. If you want to cry, cry. I honestly think I spent three straight weeks, crying every day...until I stopped. I no longer cry. And I've stopped being angry. I no longer seek revenge. I actually felt a slight bit of sorrow for the guy today. (slight lol) They're not well, mentally, and exacting revenge, stoops you to his crappy level. You fell for a bad guy. And now, you can move on...and find yourself again. Find a new life. And eventually, someone to share it with...who will truly love you. But, what you feel is quite normal. I think so, anyways. But, the best revenge, will be for you to go silent, and move on with your life...happy...and at peace. I think Hunter has said that, on here. The thing is. We make these jerks larger than life. They're not! Yeah, we got hurt. But, we can bounce back. They will get theres. Rest in the fact that assholes bring about bad things, unto themselves. They truly do. I won't bore you with the stories my ex N would tell me, and I'd sit there thinking...this man will never learn. But, karma has come a callin many a time on that narc boy. I don't believe God exacts revenge, but God will allow the unfolding of bad things to happen against someone who treats others badly. Karma, or whatever one wants to call it...is the great leveling of the playing ground, that the Universe has in its rule book. But, I no longer care if he gets 'his.' I am happy now, and at peace. When you get there, you too won't care about revenge. Work on getting there. :=) You're worth it.
Aug 26 - 11PM (Reply to #29)
foreverfun1's picture

i can't believe how kind

i can't believe how kind everyone on this site is. ive been crying a lot and i'm glad to know its normal. thankyou for the long and very caring post. it made me happy for a minute :)
Aug 28 - 4PM (Reply to #30)
peacelily76's picture

Please don't cry...

Bless you darling, I know how you feel. Crying gets it all out of your system. You are allowed to cry. Crying is our way of letting our emotions heal. We are allowed to FEEL this. When we think obsessively about what happened to us, we are stopping our emotions from feeling it. Whenever you realise you are obsessively thinking, ask yourself, "What am I trying to feel here?" You may find you cry more but this is an exorcism. The more you cry, the more poison is coming out of your body, the more chemicals you are getting rid of. I know this is horrible but trust me, it DOES get better. Wish I could send you one of my big vanilla sponge cakes. Hang on in there, you're lovely and you're worth it! YES YOU ARE!!!
Aug 25 - 9PM
Susan32's picture

Being happy IS the best revenge

The ex-Psych prof couldn't stand seeing me happy. During the final D&D, I was sobbing publicly, he'd accuse me of embarrassing myself... so when I met his girlfriend&was suddenly strutting around campus with my sparkle back in my eyes, it THREW HIM FOR A LOOP. He EXPECTED me to act out in anger, go nuts, attempt suicide (or succeed in doing so), have a shoving match with his girlfriend, call her nasty names to him... NONE of those happened, much to his dismay. Le sigh. Instead, he had to deal with me gladly (and genuinely) wishing him a happy life with his girlfriend, watching me graduate with my sanity intact, being part of the senior skit that ridiculed him... that was the WORST torture he ever endured at my hands. Sometimes I think my recap of my HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY Boston vacation probably drove him so far to Crazytown that's why he doesn't contact me. He was territorial about his home state of Massachusetts, and I happily swept in like a Mongol raid (my sis lives there, I wasn't going to NOT go there-duh!) He WANTED to see me angry. Seeing me happy drove him CRAZY.
Aug 25 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
foreverfun1's picture

lol you're so smart, keep

lol you're so smart, keep strutting it girl. i love to hear victory like this. i wish i could do something similar but i'm not there yet and keep wanting to spy on him and new OWs which would only drive me crazy i'm sure
Aug 25 - 9PM (Reply to #27)
Susan32's picture

The sweet taste of victory!

What's weird is that after I broke NC in '09, I told a friend (who had been close to me during the final D&D),"Sometimes being happy&wishing happiness on others is the BEST REVENGE." How prophetic. I come here to this site... and it was VALIDATED!!! Since I neither dated nor had sex with the ex-Psych prof, I WAS able to congratulate him on being engaged&wish him a happy life with his girlfriend (they've now been married a decade, my final D&D was 11 years ago)... he was LIVID. Whats' weirder is that I think when I break NC (he hasn't broken it with me,not a word from him), it's probably MORE traumatic for him than for me. I was able to make closure&move on. Mentally, he's at the same age as my 2 year old nephew (if he had had the maturity of a 6 year old or a teenager, it would've lasted, LOL) *I* was the one who pulled the vanishing act. Whenever I've broken NC, *I* have had the last word. Now, in the interim since a VERY public&brutal final D&D, this has happened to the ex-P: -He's gotten married -He has twins -His parents are living with him, raising his kids -He has tenure Now, a NORMAL person would say,"Those sound GOOD. How can those constitute karma exacting revenge?" He didn't like the concept of being married. He described marriage as slavery. He had a DEEP hatred of children. When his parents were in New England, they were at a safe distance. *HE* could be the one in charge of discussing them... having Daddy on campus at the coffee shop complicates that. He can't pretend his Daddy doesn't exist (as he did with me), because his Daddy is the one ordering a latte. And tenure. Yes, THAT. He HATED teaching. If he destroyed his career, he could've lied about MY final D&D, gone on to fresh hunting grounds, basically gone away with it... and I could've been endangered. When I broke NC in '09, it was about how HAPPY I am. ALL HAPPINESS OVER HERE!