I'm so Tired of this addiction Story
I'm so Tired of this addiction Story
I’m an older man. I’ve been a sex addict (SA) for a long time. I’m having a lot of difficulty accepting aging and it’s deleterious effects on my appearance and health. Seems like all I do is go to the doctor anymore. In late November, 2013, while pursing my SA, I met the N. She is young, attractive, charming and seductive. She lives in Nogales and I live near the border in the USA. Initially it was the sex that attracted me to her. But her love bombing with texts, small gifts, talk of love, Facebook posts and messages, sex, sweet words and so on were more than I could resist. They really set the hook. Since she can’t legally come to USA, I would go to Mexico to see her. In no time I felt as though I was in love with her. This lasted about 30 days and seemed an ideal romance. The attention she showered on me was over whelming. An older man, in his 50’s, being sought after by an attractive woman in her mid 20s was intoxicating. Little did I understand how dangerous it was.
I speak some Spanish and she speaks some English, but because of language differences, when apart we communicated exclusively through FB messages and texting. When together we could communicate through the spoken word.
On her Facebook page, she posted almost nothing but “selfie” glamour shots. No pictures of her daughter, family or friends. I was curious about what type of person does this so I turned to Google. NPD turned up in my search results. At my age I knew in very general terms what a narcissist is but didn’t have specifics. I saw a list of general traits and my N had two of them but it was early in the relationship and I hadn’t yet seen the rest of them. As time went on, I saw every single one of them.
Then the mistreatment started. Always late or not show up at all where/when we were supposed to meet. Sometimes wouldn’t even text me to say why or when she would arrive. When pressed why, she offered explanations that at first seemed okay but the more it happened, red flags started popping up. I quickly realized that these were lies and excuses. Many of them were poor lies (car broke down, ill or family illness, or repetitive lies, etc.) But I didn’t care because when we were together, I felt so good and the sex was fantastic, even though it wasn’t intimate or loving. This somatic N. had me hooked, hook, line and sinker.
Often, my N would ask me to bring her things from the USA that she couldn’t get in Mexico. I was happy to do this because at this point I was in love and I like helping others, especially those who are less fortunate. On too many occasions she would no show for our meetings and I would be stuck with things I didn’t need. I decided if she no showed I would return them to the store and not give them to her later. I told her this and she didn’t seem to care. This was a red flag, the consequences of which I didn’t yet appreciate. My N would occasionally ask for money and I would give her some, but I can afford it and the amounts were never really significant or cause for concern.
More red flags appeared, causing me to do more research. I found this site and could not believe how my N’s behaviors were so much like all the others described here. Do these people all go to the same school to learn how to be a N?
In person I challenged my N about being a N. She denied it of course and said she was bi-polar. I have a family member who is bi-polar and thought her “admission” another lie but just ignored my gut in favor of continued meetings, good times and sex.
I came to realize that I was nothing more than a source of supply. I realized for this N, she valued attention (positive and negative), adoration, energy, making me crazy, upsetting me, etc. as a more important source of supply than the money or gifts or things I would bring from the USA. That was when things really clicked into place in my head.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I decided I’d had enough of all her N mistreatment of me. The times we were together were great but all the hassles of seeing her just weren’t worth it. The lies, manipulation (through Facebook posts, charm, sex, etc.), cruelty, constantly being late, silent treatment, delays in responding to Facebook messages and texts), etc. were just too much. I told her I’d had enough of her and broke off the relationship. Sure enough, a few days into NC, she starts sending me texts telling me how much she loves me. Despite everything I knew at this point, I broke NC and visited her. We had a great time together for several hours but when it was time for me to leave, she wrote me a long note in my translator how much she loved me but that “she wanted me out of her life completely” and that she was moving about 575 miles away. Later that night, at home, I looked at her FB page and what did I find? Yep, you guessed it. New pictures and posts of her with another guy, how much she loves him, and that she was in a relationship with him dating back to Jan. 5th. If true she was seeing him while seeing me. I think this is the final D. and I hope and pray it is. I was so disappointed in myself for breaking NC. I think she hovered me so that she could think in her own twisted mind that she broke it off with me, rather than vice versa.
I feel sorry for this vampire but am glad she is out of my life. Now, if I can only get her out of my mind. I’m going through the inevitable pain, suffering, CD, anger, sorrow, etc. that so many others have described. I realize I must do something about my SA. I’m in this mess because of it. I have a lot of work to do. With God’s grace and support from others here, I pray that I’ll be successful.