I'm so damn MAD!!!!!

Please excuse my ranting because I need a place to vent and get all of this RAGE out before I have a heart attack!!!! I posted earlier about the stupid mess I got myself into and I'm pissed at myself about that. I knew the best thing to do was to get on this site and start posting and I would have the sense knocked back into me! I did and now I'm pissed. Everybody always says stay close to the forum and read and it helps. IT DOES! BUT I've been reading and I can't believe how many of us there are and how CRUEL these Narcs have been to us. Some of the stories leave me stunned. We've been cussed, beat, degraded, ignored, stomped on, robbed, emotionally abused, cheated on, lied to, and the list goes on and on. Sometimes reading the forums depresses me and I have to stay away because it's just too much! Sometimes I want to scream WHAT IS WRONG WITH US!!??? We are beautiful loving women and we KNOW better! I KNOW BETTER!!! They play on our hearts and they play with out emotions until we crumble. We can't imagine that someone we love could be so cruel so we reach out to them and they ignore us. Or they reach out to us and we answer then they ABUSE us again!!!! Most of them never go away. They spend their lives torturing beautiful women who just want to love them. They keep coming back over and over to see what they can get this time.

My Narc abused me in front of my son. I went back to him and took the blame for what happened. My son rages every time he sees him at work and I did that to MY SON!! I put him in that situation.

My Narc is playing games with another woman's child. He's only 8 years old and he thinks my Narc hung the moon. He's going to be hurt when he sees his mother abused or when his mother catches the Narc cheating and lying and leaves him. Right now he's playing "daddy" because the little boy doesn't have one so not only does this effect the OW......it effects and innocent 8 year old child!

I've read stories where other women on this site was abused in front of their children. Narcs don't even care about the children in the relationship. What kind of cold bastard DOES NOT care about a child??

My Narc didn't cost me much money but there are some women on this forum who lost everything. They were trying to take care of someone they loved and lost everything!!!!

The emotional damage is the absolute worst. They build us up to tear us down. They tell us we are crazy and we believe them!! They tell us we are pathetic, fat, lazy, confused. They twist our minds up so bad we don't know right from wrong or a truth fro a lie!!!!!

How is it that we don't end up in jail?? How do we keep this RAGE from causing us to do something horrible?? Something that they deserve!!! How do we keep from ending up in a mental hospital? How do we end up not having a complete psychotic breakdown??

We all know the answer to those questions. It's because we have each other. That is how we stay sane and out of jail. We are all going through the worst nightmare but we still have the time and patience to try and HELP each other. We put our pain aside to help each other when someone else is hurting. We jump in and listen and do our best to help. We've saved each other numerous times. We laugh together and cry together. When somebody needs a reality check we are always there with a swift kick in the rear!! I don't know what I would do without this site. I'm pretty sure I would be in jail. That's still not out of the question. :)

I'm so damn mad. I'm SO SICK OF THIS! I hate seeing my friends in so much pain over a loser who doesn't deserve a second of their time. I want to warn the OW but I know all of you will tell me not to. I want REVENGE but I know you won't let me do that either. I'm raging and I am so afraid I am going to do something I will regret. (nothing illegal) I swear to you right now it would be worth it.

I really don't know what the point is in this post. I'm just MAD!!!!!!!

Thank you all so much for picking me up again and kicking my ass! I needed it.