Im really tired so tired, I dont know which way to turn, please help, some advice

I have never mentioned this before on this sight, but I feel it's important for you to know. My oldest son, who is now 19, had problems with drugs. When he was almost 16 I sent him away to this school that dealt with troubled kids and issues. The most important thing I realized was that you have to send them out of the area and away from the bad influence. He got clean for two years. Then 4 months ago I noticed a change again. I found out that this time he was using heroine and the newest rage, unfortunately, oxyecotin (not sure how you spell it). What kids are doing is smoking heroine and smoking oxycotin. I never knew you could smoke a pain killer. I have NEVER done drugs in my life. What happened was he started going out with this girl who was using. When I questioned him on it he said all the same things your daughter said. The only difference was that now that my son is 19 I couldn't make him or force him to go back to that school or to do anything. So, I called the woman who runs the school (who is a Saint in my opinion) and told her what happened. She spoke to him and he agreed to go up there to see her. Thank God he is still there now and he is having a lot of realizations about his life. He is getting better. I do not know how old your daughter is, but if she is under 18 you can send her away. I don't know where you live, but I wish you could send her to where my son went. I live in California, so I don't know if that is too far from you. I am not giving you advice, but sharing my experience. And this drug situation with kids is horrible. My son said the same things your daughter said. But once I sent him away, he was able to break free from the bad influence around him, and he got clean again. Last night the woman who runs the school said to me that my son felt very bad about everything and he wanted to make peace with me and his father. You must be strong. I know how difficult this is. We love our kids and it kills us to see this. Someone once told me that there was a reference in the Bible that said something like...."You can have good kids from bad parents and bad kids from good parents". So please, don't blame yourself. With kids, it's like a pack rat mentality. Get your daughter out of the neighborhood if you can. I will pray for you. xoxoACgirl

I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Listen to your motherly instincts and do whatever you need to do for the two of you. You can only do so much to help her. she does have to want to help herself. Use your energy for yourself and her. there is no hope in saving the narc. Let him suffer with himself. And don't ever think you are to blame for her situation. You are in my prayers.

Jaycee, you must decide how important it is for you to have a peaceful life, you have got to cut off nh, I will never advise to cut off your daughter, I do not know where you live, and I am not giving legal advice, but, if you feel she is a danger to herself or someone else you may be able to have her involuntarily committed somewhere by court order, it would be an emergency move. Again, I am not giving legal advice as I'm in no way, shape or form licensed to do so, just an idea, also, you may want to stage an intervention if at all possible, apparently your daughter has retained a great deal of hurt, anger, and pain due to circumstances that was beyond her control, this is her way of dulling/easing the pain. I truly hope that you will be able to separate yourself from him at least until you can get some mental clarity and better able to cope with him and your daughter who is now your first priority, best wishes, sending prayers for a better tomorrow.

You can't heal your daughter, or force her to be healed. She has to be willing to stop using and get herself into a program. Only your daughter can do what must be done to heal herself, in the same exact way that you, Jaycee, have the ultimate responsibility for yourself. The BEST, most direct way of helping your daughter is to get as healthy as possible yourself. Obviously all your trying to force your daughter, or force the Narc has come to NOTHING. You just keep ending up HERE, because in this Universe, we can't reach in and change another person by force or even by great love.

I know your pain, I have it! I wish to help you! Your question on delusions? The answers are in all the blogs. Google why thet are delusional or why they can't and won't change. Do what you have to do to feel better and understand him and the whore. The pain your feeling is really their pain inside. Your an empathetic person. Read the blog that explains why "we"l as empathists are drawn to these empty souls. I feel for you and every single man/woman who are victum to these PDI. I think of you and I worry about you. I have empathy.

I am so sorry that the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders right now. Jaycee - I want you to remember one important thing...you must preserve yourself first at all costs, because if you go down, then you can't help yourself or anyone else and it is clear that right now, all you have is you. I can't even begin to tell you how to solve the problem with your daughter because I have never directly been in that type of situation, although from what I've read it is difficult and heartbreaking. What I have read though, is that sometimes addicts have to hit rock bottom before they go for help. Not sure what the laws are where you are and whether or not you can force her into rehab. That being the case, when she is under this influence, I've read that they can't be trusted with anything - they steal for their drug and do all kinds of destructive things that I know as a mother creates additional stress and heartbreak. I do suggest you find some support group so that you can get the strength you need to not become an enabler. This is important for your healing and preservation on so many fronts. Moreover, you may find others who have similar experiences with narcs, as I've read some also have substance abuse problems. I feel so bad for you right now Jaycee, and I am praying for your strength, you are coming along I can see it in the things you write...don't lose faith or give up hope and keep believing in you because I do. But please, get outside support as well so you can save you. Hugs!

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your daughter. I agree with Jen that she does need to be in a program. Could she get back in the one she was in before? She needs intense counseling and more help to kick this than you can give her alone. She is in a very dangerous place right now and you need to put all of your energies into helping her and also taking care of yourself. I also agree that you need to stop all communication with your XHN. He doesn't care, and you're right, he leaves behind this wave of destruction for everyone else to clean up. Let him live his life of lies. You can't be worrying about what he says or thinks about you. When it is all said and done, the truth will be out. And I am suspecting you will have the relationship with your daughter again and he will not. His loss. You've both been through this before, and you can get through it again. It's hard to administer tough love, but that is what is needed in a case like this. And she may even hate you for a while, but at least she'll be alive to hate you. And when she is better, she will know why you had to do this and your relationship can be put back together. I too, wish I could be there to give you hugs, force you to eat, or hit you over the head so you sleep for a while. I feel so bad for all you are going through, but you will prevail because you are stronger than you know. You will pull that strength from very deep inside you. Take care of yourself too, your daughter probably needs some of your strength also.

I am so sorry, first of all, you need to stop talking with your N. Really, you dont have the strength to deal with him AND your daughter at the same time. Can you find help in your area on how to deal with her? You need help for this, you cant manage that alone, jaycee, thats too much for one person. Please ask for help in a help center for parents with drug addicted children. This wont be easy, but you will get through this, pray jaycee, I think of you, and pray for you and your daughter too. One day this all will be over, believe me, one day this nightmare will end. But for right now. Stop ANY communication with the N, not ONE conversation, this is now ONLY about your healing and getting your daughter out of this life threatening situation. Not time now to deal with the lies of him. You need now all your senses together. Hugs jaycee, I am so sorry, wish I would be there, so you are not alone and we all could help each other together.