I'm feeling like a piece of trash

Got unexpectedly triggered a little while ago. A "well-meaning" friend (aka unfriend now) forwarded me a FB post from his assholiness that he took on a trip he just returned from. This was the trip that he had me plan that we were going to take with our respective kids over spring break. What he didn't tell me is that he wanted to go there to meet his latest source, a nice lady he met on the internet and had been texting with behind my back apparently - thus necessary to d&d me beforehand so he could go f*** her. The photo my "friend" sent was from the trip and included comments, including a fawning one from the new OW, and "likes" from 56 of his fakebook friends. It sent me reeling and I broke down in tears and am still crying. I feel like a piece of discarded trash. While he has moved on to his new pretty chick and all of his FB fans telling him he's so wonderful and great, I sit here alone and lonely. I KNOW I am not trash -- I have been walking around the house saying out loud, "I am not a piece of trash, I am not a piece of trash, I am not a piece of trash." But I feel like it. I KNOW that this relationship with this new woman will not work forever - I know NONE of his relationships last. I feel sorry for her actually, because she has no idea what is coming. It is the best situation for him, because he can keep her as a source as needed overseas and keep his harem over here and get all the illicit sex behind her back without her even suspecting. Still, I feel so sick I want to throw up. In my mind I know everything he does is FAKE, FAKE, FAKE. So why am I feeling like a piece of trash? WHY?!!!! I was feeling so strong, NC now for two months, feeling happier and starting to enjoy my life alone. And today it all feels like it is crashing down again. Help! I am going out for a long walk. Maybe that will help.

April