I'm back :-( my story ...again

My story ...again.

I first joined this site last November 13. I found this site purely by googling why someone would treat another in such a controlling, nasty , critical way as well as issues in the bedroom (aggressive, no foreplay, lack of interest etc). I felt so lucky to have found the site and managed NC for exactly 60 days. After 7 I felt better. After 30 almost human again...and it was going well- apart from the mind tricks- he wasn't so bad...I don't like being single...my body clock is ticking etc. but I was still strong and kept very busy. After exactly 60 days NC I got burgled, it threw me - I was mortified. To me it meant I needed a man and what a perfect excuse to contact 'him'. My regret of emailing him in the end was worse than the burglary. He subsequently called, we met up...I thought I could handle it. I thought maybe he wasn't a narc and maybe it would work. WRONG. I have been on another roller coaster from hell. I am back where I was in November. I have lost my best friend due to my lashing out as I was so unhappy and on edge with the narc. What finally ended it was that in 6 months we kissed twice. He showed a vague interest in sex once (talked about it loads) and I told him I couldn't compromise on that. He yelled at me called me crazy etc etc and maybe I was at the end. I then lost my dignity and emailed him everything I ever thought of him. The replies back were name calling and worse...he didn't fancy me, I smell funny , I have a beard? I gave back as good as I got but I am back to square one and won't ever get those 6 months back. To anyone that thinks things could be different or he might change. Please please read this again and don't do it! Lots of love xx