I'm Absolutely Stunned (Reposted from Steps 4-6)

and grateful for you ladies who have been here done that and lived to tell.... and do tell over and over. It's the craziest thing in the world I've ever had to think about and I'm not sure how I would have ever gotten this far if I'd not found you guys. Thank you - very much - for a safe place to vent, learn and heal. fc

And I do generally find that most members of the site (mods & non-mods) if they are offering straight-talking advice are often right in the conclusions they are trying to help people here to reach about their own abusive situations. But I do know that people often arrive here with ptsd symptoms, enormous practical and emotional problems...and sometimes they will lash out in response to being prodded in a certain area. So I think we should see some of the responses from members who lash out after being given advice in this context. I know a proportion of people will not accept the truth about their abuser and will continue to defend their abuser...these people will drift away unfortunately...maybe to come back later, maybe not. And I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with the mods or anyone else speaking out against abusers in the strongest terms and trying to break down denial. But I don't think we should panic if someone lashes out...this sort of thing happens in therapy a lot...I'm not talking about a concerted personal attack on a moderator or anyone else being tolerated and moderators and other members should be entitled to fight their corner in a debate with a new member in denial...I just don't think we should panic or be that surprised is all I mean if someone lashes out when they are confronted with the truth about their situation.

I couldn't agree more, and you know what too..I had NO support from my mother growing up..in fact, she actively ALLOWED me to be abused and abused me herself! I haven't spoken to her for 10 years. The support and STRAIGHT talking advice for me, is making up for that lack of honest support I never had as a child, and which is at least partly responsible for getting me into a position where I got involved with a man like my Ex in the first place. People who care do not want to see you get hurt, and sometimes that means being brutally honest. Thank you ALL, for being there!! Manda xxxxx

I have not reached out to anyone specifically but it is good to know they are here Thanks ladies for your words time and advise thee have been times over the last couple weeks I didn't know what I would do if I didn't have this site to go to to help me

Thank you Georgia, for your kind words and deep appreciation to the mods and other members that are here to help. I believe there is a pattern here on the forum, I see this same situation happen at least every 3-4 weeks. It saddens me, but it happens, and I have grown to actually expect it, unfortunately. Becasue people are raw when they come to the site, and they misinterpret ones words and /or take offense. What some seem to forget, or lose sight of, is we are all friends here, we are like family in some ways. We are not always going to see eye to eye on things, there isn't a place on earth where that occurs. There will always be disagreements, whether it be at home, in the work place, in public, in school. It is just the way the world is........imperfect. I think that when people struggle through their D & D, and roam aimlessly through the internet trying desperately to understand what has happened to them, searching for clues and answers, they stumble upon this site, as well as others, and they begin to realise they are not alone, and that is a very comforting feeling for them, almost a relief. They have found their salvation. Finally, a place where the occupants are all just like me, we say to ourselves. We are happy, we have found a safe haven, where we can lick our wounds, nurse ourselves back to health, learn to become stronger, and most importantly, learn to love ourselves. What I think some neglect to realize, is the forum is more than this, and this is important to know and understand. This is a "support" group, hence, the word "support". This forum is dedicated to helping one to first "detox" from the NPD, recover from the soul raping they experienced, to overcome the strong addictions and desires for the NPD, and to rebuild our souls, become members of our society, who can live whole again, not in fear of becoming supply once recovered. Overcoming our pasts and discovering what has happened to us, that made us they way we are........Does this sound familiar to anyone? What I just described is no differnt than AA, NA, GA or any other organization for support. The victims, who are in need of help, attend these meetings and go through all the same steps we go through. There are only two differences from the support group meetings I reference and this forum. One being the substance (alcohol, drugs, gambling, NPD) the other being, we do not physically leave our homes and attend meetings in church basements, we have the luxury of attending meetings per say, in the comfort of our homes, the convenience of help being there 24/7. If we were to attend meetings or support groups such as the ones I referenced, trust me, there would be many times, when you would experience someone disclosing a setback, and the "support/members" will do just that, support you..........the leaders/councelors/sponsors, in other words, the people that head the groups, are in charge of forming a healthy environment CAN NOT support or tolerate the setbacks, and have to stand firm with the group member that slipped, because it is their duty to do so. They have a responsibility not only to that member, but to all the members attending that group. It is not an easy job, they don't always win personality contests, there is always going to be someone that doesn't like what the sponsor has to say or do, and it is usually, the person that fell backwards. I think too many people lose perspective here as to what the main goal and purpose is for this forum. It is only to support and make well, the people who have come here for help. And can I just say one more thing? The mods.............their healed, have been for quite some time, and don't need to be here. So many members come and go, some leave because they give up, others leave, thank goodness because they have completed their journey and healed. The mods, they remain for one reason and one reason only. For everyone here who are truly committed to healing, wanting to be whole again. I once said to one of the Mods, not long ago. Sometimes.............it's a thankless job, but worth it. Please read this and ponder it. It's important to know and to equally understand. Thank you and much love to each of you! Sparrow

I too would like to state how grateful I am for all of the support, guidance, and insight I have gained from the members of this forum. I owe so much to all of you. I thank you with all of my heart.