If you remain connected to a disordered...

Echo stated it so correctly; "We have the ability to self-reflect, grow and change." However, I would like to add, If you remain focused on him you will never experience the opportunity to self reflect, grow and change, NEVER.

The relationship you were involved in was never about you, - and the 10% he did give you, was fabricated to keep you believing it was a relationship.

You were criticized and exploited for a reason. In our efforts to please them, it was set up to fail from the start. Lose weight and you will be sexier, so you lose the weight and what a surprise something else will surely surface he is not content with, maybe you forgot to wipe off the crumbs on the kitchen counter; now you are making a conscience effort to NEVER forget to do this - ok, so that problem has been fixed - but another imperfection he sees in you will surface. This constant critiquing of our behavior will NEVER end - I could list a hundred things that are "Imperfect" about myself - because I am NOT a perfect person, never will be, nor do I want to be!!!!.

In my efforts to be perfect in the eyes of a disordered I lost myself. I was too damn focused on being everything this disordered person wanted me to be and thinking I was a failure because I could never get him to be content in who I was. I WAS THE FAILURE!!!

We were never the failure - and until you can see this you will never be able to grow, self reflect and change - you change for YOURSELF, never others!!