icanseeclearlynow's story

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#1 Nov 10 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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icanseeclearlynow's story

I am new to this board. In fact this is my first post and I can't tell you how relieved I am to find a place that seems to make sense of what my life is. Can you tell me if this is N behavior? I find myself doubting and I know that can be a symptom of being in the control of an N. My N called me (We have been married 23 yrs) and his conversations are did you do this did you do that....and I mentioned that this morning the hot water didn't seem so hot when I took my shower and wondered if he turned the hot water heater down. He said "no" and started over reacting about the possibility of hot water tank not working....or we are out of propane....and he was freaking out.

I am used to his drama on the phone and I remained calm. He said to go check the heaters and see if the flame comes on. I said I will. He said run the hot water in the sink and I said I will. He wanted me to run around with the phone and do it as he was commanding me....but to tell you the truth I was trying to take a nap and I didn't want to do it that second. So then he hung up because he had to do something at his work and then not 3 minutes later he called back and said "well?" I said what? Did you do those things (I was still lying down) I said no. He started yelling "Well don't you think those things are IMPORTANT? I thought you would have done them while I was talking about it!!"

I was silent on the other end because I didn't feel like I had to explain myself. Isn't it right that we shouldn't explain away ourselves? He hung up on me standing there holding the phone. I finished my nap. Did I handle this right? Is this N behavior? That was 3 hrs ago and he hasn't called again. He usually calls about 5 times a day. How should I act when he gets home? Just normal? He might give me the silent treatment which is usually what happens.

I am looking forward to support from this group so I can have the courage to stand up for myself and leave. I need help.

Nov 10 - 7PM
cynthia (not verified)
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Not sure, sounds like you have a controller and abuser

I dont know if this is narcisstic behavior or just a man that is plain abusive and demanding and when he says walk you better run. My husband is like that has no consideration of what Iam doing and yells out demands like I am to jump when he says jump, but oh if HE was taking a nap that would be a different story, he would do it when he felt like it, its selfish and inconsiderate behavior. You can research this site and go back to previous topics there are certain criteria that meets those that are narcissitc, there should be plenty of lists for you to read. All narcissists are abusive but not a abusers are narcisstic, if you husband is abusive that is a serious problem you must come to terms with very rarely do abusers change and NEVER NEVER do narcissists change.
Nov 10 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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icanseeclearlynow

can't tell if he's a Narc or not but he sounds SEVERELY controlling, overbearing and abusive. And he sounds a lot like my exNH... A WHOLE LOT. You are not his slave... and just give him the silent treatment back. Either get yourself into therapy IMMEDIATELY or call your local DV Crisis Center and make an appt. These people should help you quietly make an exit plan. Keep reading, especially Lisa's book (at right) and all the blogs posts under MY BLOG. Only you will know if he's narcissistic or not... but either way you HAVE TO LEAVE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Nov 11 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
icanseeclearlynow (not verified)
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Thank you. I feel so much

Thank you. I feel so much better with this small bit of validation. Something I never get. I will continue to research my N. I am pretty sure from what I have read so far that he is a Cerebral Narc. I read the description of that and it hit me like a ton of bricks!