IamNOTcrazyORbipolar's story

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#1 Mar 27 - 9AM
IamNOTcrazyORbipolar
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IamNOTcrazyORbipolar's story

This guy is sitting residence in my head and I am wasting such precious energy....like maybe even three years out of our five years together. Last Sunday I get a phone call from ex's bestfriends wife... the other NPD. ( btw I didnt know we had broken up) I'd only met the best friends wife once...they live in another state.

She was having some problems in her relationship with her Surgeon husband.. she wanted to know-- "did a certain womans name mean anything to me?? (ummm...yes) She flipped. But that's HER story. She is a Psychologist and ended up telling me that my Ex was NPD and I needed to learn about it!! Apparently a lot of Dr's and Pilots are --she tells me it goes with the professions.

So last Sunday I read up about NPD's. I was shocked. Ex was seriously over the top. Everything that I had been feeling... the going crazy crap... the NPD's insane crap, the NPD speak... oh my God. He was sooooo over the top.

Had I known about this disorder I would have gotten out long ago! Pilot was my first real love and we had been together when we were 19 and 20. Then he had a psychotic split... locked up... crazy insane... I helped him through it and we remained extremely good friends. Of course I didnt want to be together romantically anymore because I thought he might go nutzo again.

Fast forward 30 years and he looks me up-- going down memory lane. He was getting a divorce.... he started flying out to see me ALL of the time. We fell hard.

Fast forward until now... we split up so many times. I had my suspisions being on the road and flying he was hooking up with other women. They throw themselves at Pilots. Interesting thing is.. It seems that he would tell me he needed "space" because of the divorce and I honored that--- you DO need space. So he would break up with me on Friday and come back on Monday. "I thought you needed some space?" He'd say "Im done with it!" I am sure he was having a sexation weekend... I just found him 2 weeks ago he is on "Plenty of Fish" Looking for a woman with no drama. He likes to deal with problems as they approach... blah blah blah absolute buulshit.

I loved this guy more than anyone I have ever loved. (with exception to my daughter)
Oh... I dont want to write the whole story out because it IS crazy making. But the long and short of it was- after he told me three weeks ago that he needed some space again...(he hadnt needed space in the past three years...) I asked him if there was another woman and he said "no" True. There were many... airline pilot.

He kept coming over to my place and getting me in bed... then disappearing...coming back a week later...(pilot) getting in bed again...then disappearing. (pilot)

I still hadnt gotten over how he screamed at me on Feb15 after I had been in the hospital for four days getting my neck basically rebuilt.. and he up and left... the month before this he was so sweet, he was gong to take care of me... just the sweetest thing in the World. BOOM! I have a neck brace on and he dumps me.... only to come back weekly for his sex with me and I am hoping we can work things out.He still hasnt said he was "sorry" to me for telling me to be ready in 15 minutes and downstairs in the lobby when he picks me up from the hospital on Valentines day... can you believe that? He was suppose to be there for discharge papers... and since he loved me so much you would think he would help me going
down to the car. I felt so small and insignificant... I could not believe it. Since then he expresses to me he never said such a thing... WHAT? Did I make that up?

This guy called me last year in April at about 7 pm out of the blue. "Hey I want you to know I appreciate everything you have done for me... but I am breaking up... I should have broken up with you 6 months ago...now hey I gotta get ready for a flight and pack" he hung up and BLOCKED my phone. I was shattered. WHAT???? 6 months ago we were in Italy and we were soooo happy HE talked futuresque with me about retiring in Spain... we were in love. NOW he's telling me he should have broken up with me six months ago! Btw... my Mom was in the hospital and I thought she was going to die.. we all did... so did he... but he had to dump me right then and there. NO EXPLANATION.

I proceeded to turn into a skeleton. I got therapy twice a week eventually I was feeling better. I was starting to feel good. And we all know what happens. He texts me! "how are you"

Comes to my house tells me "dont YOU (me????) ever burn our bridge again... dont you ever do that... our friendship is a huge part of our lives" WHAT????! He manages to get me in bed... and the next day I realise I have made a BIG mistake. Months of expensive therapy ALL down the drain.

And we can imagine the rest of the story.... we get back together, we are the happy brady bunch... my daughter and his 2 boys have known each other since day one and are like cousins.

So for the past month we have been taking it easy... except I was starting lose weight rapidly again from more heartbreak.... last Saturday night he invites to his house comes and picks me up-- we go to his house--- have sex.... the neck brace is off. Im feeling better now. He tells me we have to get up at 4 am he has a flight. "WHAT???" okay.

WE get up I find him on the computer... I say "pilot...why are you looking for women online?"

He looks at me evil evil and says " (my name) I just brought you out here for sex"

I was mortified. I packed my bags and couldnt wait to get home.

On the way back to my house he turned our whole relationship on me. I was balling by the time I neared my house.... ripped apart, shattered... he asked me what was wrong with me?? I said " I loved you, I love you...what is going on with you? This isnt you!! I love you" And he screams "GET OVER IT" I pulled my shawl over my head.... we are approaching my house and he says "Oh, I hate to leave you in such tears" OMG. But he did.... he had a flight.

I am an intelligent attractive woman. I light up a room. Now??? You all know how I've been feeling.... I am back in therapy and now I have an answer to why he does what he does to me.

NPD.

I could NOT take it another time so I wrote a letter to his company about being schizofrenic in the past... it never goes away... I cc'ed him on this... I thought THIS will make him go away FOREVER.... WE WILL BE THROUGH! That was two days before he had me out to his place for sex... NOT even THAT made him go away... So I wrote another letter on Sunday.... BEFORE I knew what NPD was. I told more about him- I wanted him to leave me alone forever.. and I thought I had to be malicious so he would NEVER come back...I was protecting myself...

it was the only way... trust me he always comes back. However he has caught wind of this letter...breaking into my computer and emailed me i was a psycho bitch and our relationship is over forever. I also emailed him a bunch of stuff about NPD.

I can only hope it is really over. This has been hell.

Dec 1 - 1PM
truetotruth
truetotruth's picture

You are not crazy

Im pretty new but your story echos my own and many others here. I hope you are still out there and doing well. I am so sorry you went through this. Its agony and its so much humilitaiton. Its not you .Its him. Period.
Apr 2 - 12AM
Chloe
Chloe's picture

Vicious Cycle

He's never changing!
Mar 27 - 12PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NLP

click on NarcSpeak on the left... there's some explanation of NLP there for you. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/18/youve-been-brainwashed-part-i also look in the MY BLOG section at left for THREE articles all entitled, in part, AM I UNDER HIS SPELL? must read ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 27 - 10AM
joeP
joeP's picture

You were being manipulated I believe

"HE talked futuresque with me about retiring in Spain" This is NLP, a hypnotic persuation technique. It causes the listener to let down thier guard and strengthens the trust bond. It's a way of softening you up for the kill. I know it's so hard to think of intimate momments in terms of clinical pathalogical acts of abuse but the truth will set you free. No Contact is the key to getting your life back. You can't hurt these creatures with anything you say, they literaly don't care and get a lot of satifaction that they got you so riled up and hurt. It's hard but we cannot apply rational explanations to the insane. Don't try to figure it out, you can't. Not to mention you give the creature who can mimic a human being more of your precious energy. Please use that energy to get into therapy and start healing from this experience. Try to remember, this relationship hasn't "ended", it NEVER was. It is all a game to these dirtbags (A term my therapist uses to describe my XN, gotta luv it). Please read Barbara's response and follow her suggestions, she knows of which she speaks.
Mar 27 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
IamNOTcrazyORbipolar
IamNOTcrazyORbipolar's picture

what does NLP mean?

defintion please!
Apr 2 - 12AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NLP

the NARCSPEAK section at left has a bunch of links and a link to a diagram at the top that explain NLP. NLP is also the same thing advertisers & marketers use to sell you things. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Apr 2 - 12AM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

duplicate

duplicate post
Mar 27 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
joeP
joeP's picture

NLP - NeuroLinguistic Programming

The subconscious mind works like a computer and becomes programmed, usually through repetition. When you change your subconscious mind, you change your behavior automatically. The human mind can pick out and learn from information that is not consciously observed. Hypnosis and NLP both influence the subconscious mind. In many ways, hypnosis and NLP are opposite sides of the same coin and when they are combined they become arguably the most powerful tool for human evolution that has ever been developed. With Hypnosis and NLP one can talk and give suggestions directly to the unconscious mind. Here, empowering suggestions are readily accepted and acted upon expanding your energy, skills and resources, and enabling changes to occur. OR IT CAN BE USED TO MANIPULATE......
Mar 27 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Thank you Joe

Thank God you are here Joe, your insight is very very helpful. Thank you.
Mar 27 - 9AM
Janet
Janet's picture

I am really sorry for how

I am really sorry for how you must be feeling right now. Go No contact starting NOW and NEVER talk or interact with with creep again. HE WILL NOT CHANGE - EVER!!! You can. It will take time. I am just emerging and have a long way yet, but so much of the behavior and scenarios you describe remind me of what I was going through. No sex is worth it - hoping that the intimacy will "remind" him of who he "really" is and how he loves you. He does not feel that. Just does not. AND he will not feel that for anyone. Ever. Get with family and friends. Do something good and positive for yourself today. Take care of yourself. Peace. J

Peace. J