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I wish I paid more attention the red flags in the beginning...

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#1 Jun 27 - 5PM
reallyconfused
reallyconfused's picture

I wish I paid more attention the red flags in the beginning...

Just thinking about some of the things he did gets me so angry not only at him, but myself as well. Why was I so naive to take all the bullshit?
I hadn't had anyone express interest in me like that, I thought he genuinely liked me in the beginning. When I went away on a trip for a few days I left him a sweet message telling him I missed him and I never got a response at all....just that he was so busy. Then when he went away he stopped talking to me for a couple of days and I was a bit worried. I posted a status on facebook with a sad face and one of my friends asked what was wrong. He commented on it saying "it's because she hasn't heard from me." I mean I hadn't even mentioned anything pertaining to that at all. It's like he knew what he was doing.
Then I remember in the beginning we had a conversation (mostly him doing the talking as always) how he went to therapy for something a long time ago ( i was majoring in psychology at the time so i guess that's how the topic came up) he went on to tell me how it was so stupid and how he yelled at his therapist because he didn't agree with anything and never came back. I mean how could I be so naive??? I ended up losing my virginity to him and I wanted to! I thought he really liked me and wanted to be with me. It's like he knew that I wanted a relationship and wouldn't commit to me and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me and my personality as he would put it later. I remember he didn't even really ask he kind of said "we're going to do everything this time" and I went along with it because I really liked him. I felt ready. Now it's just remorse. He seemed to be sweet, but when I went home I felt bad. It's like alll he wanted me for was to get me to have sex with him and that was his goal. I still don't know if he's just an ass or what..

Jun 27 - 10PM
Steph
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You know the

You know the saying....."hindsight is 20/20". Even trained mental health professionals have been conned by these guys. We all look back and think "Man, what the hell was I thinking?" You are not "naive". You are HUMAN and you are not alone. Don't beat yourself up. You now have personal experience with PD's and abuse. Take this experience and keep reading and gaining knowledge in order to help prevent this from ever happening to you again. Stay strong. xoxo, Steph
Jun 27 - 8PM
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

books to read...

Reading up on the subject brought the most clarity as to what a Narcissist is really all about. Here are a few of what I read: Help I'm In Love with a Narcissist/Steven Carter and Julia Sokol Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On/Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble, M.S. Red Flags How to Know When You're Dating a Loser/Gary S. Aumiller and Daniel A Goldfarb People of the Lie/M. Scott Peck, MD It's All About Him/ Lisa Scott There are tons of good books out there...which told me there must be ALOT OF NARCISSITS OUT THERE. Stay close to this forum and read, read, read - post questions and begin your journey of recovery. Hugs! WN
Jun 27 - 5PM
Journey
Journey's picture

I think we all wish we had

I think we all wish we had seen or payed attention to the red flags in the beginning. I'm sorry you are so confused and in pain, but yours is a normal reaction after being in a relationship with a narc. Yes, yours does sound like more than 'just an ass'. Keep reading about narcissistic personality disorder and how that affects their behavior. Much of your confusion will become clearer the more you understand that it was all about him and how they prey on our good nature and caring attitude. Please don't feel so down on yourself. We all have regrets because of our narcs, and in retrospect it does seem like they know what they are doing (they may or may not), but beating yourself up for believing in him or blaming yourself for HIS behavior doesn't do anything positive for you now. It is a lesson to learn from to NEVER let someone take advantage of us again!! ((hugs))

Journey on...

Jun 27 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
reallyconfused
reallyconfused's picture

Thanks. I have been trying to

Thanks. I have been trying to find out more, do you have any websites or books to recommend for me to read?
Jun 27 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
AkitaGirl
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The Red Flags Are TOO Unbelievable to Believe

DONT Worry, they ARE emotional RETARDS. Sometimes I think we just think we can outsmart them and not fall in love. It will come clearer to you. IT WILL. With my ex N, the red flags were so outragious I think I wondered if he was just an idiot or not and well, I found out. I put all of them in a spreadsheet so I can remember what was really real, which is the mind games and the really strange comments. My therapist told me from the beginning to not go by his words, go by his actions and well when I got the silent treatment the 2nd time I went full blown crazy on him and threatened to tell everyone he knows all his secrets. So, that was it, never heard from him again after 1 1/2 years. Started off as friends and listen to these red flags. All of these at the same time he professed his love 1. I only stay with a woman for 18 months, I get bored (was married for 8 years and just finalyzing a divorce) 2. I can't see myself with just one woman 3. I'm an exhibitionist (what?) 4. I agreed to give my ex wife full and total custody of the kids 5. At a nice restaurant for Valentines day admiring a nice looking couple across from us. "I bet they have good sex. I'd watch" Omg, ew. 6. I only keep friends for 3 months Book 1. Narcissistic Lovers Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble 2. Narcissism Denial of the True Self Alexander Lowen MD 3. Facing Love Addiction Pia Melody