I was talked into calling my N

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#1 Jul 7 - 12PM

Happy1

I was talked into calling my N

I received a great deal of pressure from the couple that is on the boat next to my N that I confided in that I wouldn't be out today and how I found he was cheating on me and I'm going NC. They said he does care and he will worry about me. They said that they felt they were in the middle of it now and didn't know what to say to my N when he asks. I told them the only reason I told them I wasn't coming was out of courtesy to them and I felt bad they feel they are in the middle. Bottom line is they begged me to call him to confront him with what I found on his iphone. I told them he will just turn it around again and blame me for snooping on his iphone and no acknowledge what I found on the iphone and that is that he's on match.com. I caved and told her I would call him.
I called him and told him I had his iphone. He said good, can you bring it tonight? I said 'no'. I found you are on match.com. He immediately blew up with me saying this is the issue that he can never trust me .. ...blah blah blah. I just told him that I knew he would turn this around and the bottom line is that he's a dick who's cheating on me. He said he isn't active. I told him I'm not stupid because they send his matches every morning. I told him he's a huge cheater and I plan on telling every person I know what he really is. I told him I wanted an apology from him for this. He said he's sorry he ever met me. I said "listen dick I want one apology for all the times you have cheated and never said you were sorry. Never ever! You turn it around so I'm the crazy bad guy when it's you all along. I told him to say "i'm sorry sad1 for being a dick and going on dating sites behind your back'. I told him he's a huge dick and I will telll everyone I know what a cheating piece of shit he is. He said he didn't care and I just laughed and said.... that's the only thing you care about is how you look to others dickhead. He hung up on me. The End.

#2 Jul 7 - 9PM

happydaysahead

HUH ??

He can never trust YOU ?? Cuz you found out he is on Match.com ?? He's never going to apologize to you cuz they are NEVER wrong. So let me apologize for him--I am sorry Sad1 that your ExN is/was such a dick !! Just make sure you keep it THE END !! You got a chance to say what you wanted and YEAH for you !! I would love the chance to tell my pathetic piece of shit N what an ass he is !! But I will not give him the pleasure, cuz he would just LOVE the attention, even if it's negative. And you know what ?? By the end of the conversation, he would have it so twisted that I would probably end up apologizing to HIM !! Just makes me sick !! But good for you Sad1 !! You at least got to get in a few words ! :)

#3 Jul 7 - 6PM

AnotherPath

Sad1

Great to see that you're angry, rageful.........love it, it's the first step to your healing and you will have LOADS more to come. Kick boxes, scream where no one can hear you, throth at the mouth with your hate........ Sod the couple, they've no idea and never will. Think of you. You've really changed I can sense it. There's no going back for you now!!!!

Ending the dance

#4 Jul 7 - 6PM (Reply to #37)

Happy1

thanks anotherpath

I feel sad tonight because I'm supposed to be with him again tonight and I'm not going to talk to him. I will maintain NC. This is so hard to process and I'm only trying to take one moment at a time. There is no going back now and I cannot think any other way. He's a sick man who doesn't treat my son well at all.

#5 Jul 7 - 6PM (Reply to #38)

AnotherPath

Yes, you will feel sad too.

Yes, you will feel sad too. You'll go from anger to sad to anger to sad a lot, this is the process but at least you're feeling the rage, this is what will help you stay NC. It's a hard process, no woman on this board has found it easy, it's just not. Keep a journal and write your rage down. Write down why you fucking hate this man. Vent it. There is no other way, this is the journey of your healing and it's slow and difficult but you're going in the right direction. Don't feel bad when you feel sad, it's the natural course. If you are in touch with him or answer his hoovering you will set yourself back and it will take it's toll on you even more. You've stepped into your life now, don't let that change, that's what NC is about, who gives a stuff if if up sets him or if it doesn't bother him. It's all about YOU now. How about changing your name on the board, there's something about it that's in your past, the frame of mind you WERE in, that would maybe be a good step for you.

Ending the dance

#6 Jul 7 - 6PM (Reply to #39)

Happy1

AnotherPath

Thank you! I will have to think of a more fitting name for myself and change it. Right now I do feel very sad and will try to keep taking each moment at a time. I'm having a hard night. Very hard night. Thank you for your support.

#7 Jul 7 - 4PM

Scoop

Oh sad1 ,, i know you

Oh sad1 ,, i know you shouldnrt have called him etc but i love the tone and the language you used , this is a major step foward because here is a woman who is ANGRY . Good for you .. bloody good for you !!Piece of shit ... dick head .. fantastic choise of words ... these words will be youre friend for a while , enjoy the sence of power, this is YOU getting youre first sence of power back . Im so proud of you . Big Love to you Scoop x

#8 Jul 7 - 3PM

Steph

Talk about projection! He's

Talk about projection! He's cheating but HE can't TRUST you. lol. Don't let that couple talk you into that again. They don't know the real him and don't get it. Sorry you had to have another shit conversation with this loser. But I am happy you got to tell him you know and that he's a dick. Even if it doesn't affect him, at least you stood up for yourself. Sending you strength as you go back into strict no contact:) xoxo

#9 Jul 7 - 9PM (Reply to #30)

Amy

Same

had the same issues whenever I snooped and found out what he was up to - planning to cheat, going to strip club VIP rooms, suggestive e-mails with other women.... But *I* was the bad one and he cannot trust me! HA! Good one! I used to fall for it... I pray I don't again, and I pray the same for you all!

#10 Jul 7 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

Happy1

Thanks Amy, I've heard it so

Thanks Amy, I've heard it so many times and now I feel very validated in myself for feeling the jealousy each time. Because the ass is cheating each and every time and there's nothing this jerk could say to me to take away the pain and anger I feel for him. He's a horrible man. I hope you remain NC and never fall for this again.

#11 Jul 7 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

Amy

There was a reason you

There was a reason you checked... You had a gut feeling or he was acting suspicious. Dialogue I can remember: N: you shouldn't have snooped Amy: but I was right! N: I can't trust you because you snooped Amy: But I CAUGHT YOU! N: I didn't do anything, it was just a joke. But you snooped so you are a psycho! etc.... I hope the same for you! We all need to be strong and move on to happy, healthy lives. That will be the best revenge!

#12 Jul 7 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

Happy1

yes, that's the same of what

yes, that's the same of what my N says every time I've caught him cheating. He says he can and never will trust me because I snoop and look at his Iphone. I just wanted confirmed to me today what a sick bastard he is once again attempting to turn it around that I was to blame for this break up by my snooping. I don't know what I feel this second but I think it's most anger and I have stubbornness that will hopefully keep me NC with this jerk. I will never let him blame me for what he's doing. He had no right to be on a dating site whatsoever. He's completely wrong and he cannot change that. He cannot twist this to make me the bad guy. He's a jackass.

#13 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #34)

better off

I agree with whoever it was

I agree with whoever it was that said he left that iPhone there for you to find in the first place. He KNEW you would look. That's how screwed up they are... he wanted you to find it; he wanted you to get upset; he wanted to blame you for doing it. He is one sick puppy. And I am SO GLAD you didn't back down when he blamed you. Good for you!! As for your "mutual friends" I would say they are not friends at all... what, it was going to ruin THEIR good time or something if you didn't come? Who on earth would advise a person to contact someone who was on dating sites behind her back? How weird. And yes, I am sure he lies and manipulates about how he "cares" about you, but actions speak louder than words.

#14 Jul 7 - 3PM (Reply to #29)

rainbow1

Yep projection

I remember looking through his phone one time and I found that he had been saying inappropriate things with girls and had #s that I thought he deleted. The next day he put a password on his phone because he said that he couldnt trust me! hahah

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#15 Jul 7 - 3PM

Lisa E. Scott

Sad

I'm sorry you had to endure this conversation with him. They will NEVER give us closure or apologize. We can't expect it from them. We have to create this on our own with the support of other members! xoxo

#16 Jul 7 - 1PM

NinjaGirl

Honey

Don't listen to this couple. They may be nice, but they don't know what they're talking about, and they don't really know him. I hope you're incredibly angry now, and I hope that anger stays with you long enough to make a strong NC stand and stick with it. DO NOT give him back his phone until you get your stuff back. And I still say that a friend should arrange for the pick-up/drop-off. At that point she can give him back the phone. And I hope she takes someone with her. Preferably a really big dude. I really hope you do go to a womens' shelter. You'll find support and resources there.

#17 Jul 7 - 1PM

Happy1

when I called him and told

when I called him and told him I knew he was cheating on me he said I ruined this again and he was about to send a note on what a nice weekend we had. I laughed.... was this my treat because he hasn't said a nice word to me in months? haha! wow! I should be so thankful! I just laughed at him and told him he had a few days he could have done that. he said couldn't because I had his iphone. I told him he has an ipad and a computer that would have worked just as good. It's okay though... I can survive without a praising note. It's all bullshit! I told him I didn't know what he was talking about anyway. He wouldn't say 2 words to me and would only give me one word answers so he's a joke!!!!

#18 Jul 8 - 8AM (Reply to #22)

trying2overcome

typical

We are always the ones that ruin it .. and they are ALWAYS just baout to do something nice .. but oops we ruined it!! OMG .. they are all alike! I am sorry you had to endure this conversation .. but really FU%K that dickhead! He is a pc of shit and he will ALWAYS be a pc of shit!! He will never apologize sweetie because he is delusional and doesn't think he did anything wrong!! And read what you said above ... "He doesn't treat my son very well" EVEN MORE REASON to run like hell!! That sweet boy deserves better too!!! take care of yourself .. and yes get mad and stay mad!!! What a freaking ASS ... I was on match.com seeking out other women but YOU runined it ... WHATEVER!!!!!!! Its like a broken record .. I will NEVER go on MATCH .. its a haven for these guys!! mine is all over that and who knows what else!! love ya .. stay strong!!!

#19 Jul 8 - 10AM (Reply to #23)

Lisa E. Scott

We ruined it?!!

Yeah, right! I can totally relate. This is such a common theme with them. They treat us like shit and then we try to stand up for ourselves and they tell us that they were just about to change their ways and make us a priority, but we ruined it by standing up for ourselves. Please. Give me a break. They only do this to make us second guess ourselves and kiss their ass. Not gonna happen. We see what they're doing now. It's not going to work anymore.

#20 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #24)

Happy1

No I will not fall for his

No I will not fall for his crap of how nice he was just about to be but I ruined it now by standing up for myself by finding him cheating on me yet again with Match.com. Oh gosh, he was just about to tell me he had a nice weekend last weekend. Wow! How special that would have been since the jackass hasn't said 1 nice thing to me in months!!! He can keep that special little note to himself. What a jerk and what a complete joke that he thought a fucking note saying thanks for the nice weekend would want me to run back to him? haha! He really thought he had me I guess. I'm not stupid, I was just brainwashed by a mad scientist.

#21 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #25)

Lisa E. Scott

Sad

"I'm not stupid, I was just brainwashed by a mad scientist." EXACTLY!!!

#22 Jul 7 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Used

delete

delete everything on his bloody iphone ,that was delibrate him leaving that where you could find it and see it,now he will complain the couple, how hard he tried with you but all he got was accusations, they make my blood boil.

#23 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #16)

Happy1

DO you think that was his

DO you think that was his way of showing once again how insecure I am that I spied on his iphone? He said it and I just laughed and said...gee, well anytime I do look you're on a dating site so why the hell wouldn't I be paranoid you're doing something? duh!!! He's been wanting to end it with me so maybe this is his way but he has been tearing everything apart at work and having coworkers send text messages that the iphone belongs to his company and return it etc. So I don't think he really knew I had until I said something. His ex girlfriend's number is still on here so just changed the digits around. I'm actually doing her a favor.

#24 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #20)

better off

It would be a real shame if

It would be a real shame if that iPhone like... got wet or something. Like if it got left out in the rain by accident, or fell in a glass of Coke or some kind of freak accident like that. Or if the SIM card was missing (do they have SIM cards?). I would hate to hear it fell from a distance, like if you accidentally left it on top of your car and drove away... shit happens.

#25 Jul 8 - 11AM (Reply to #21)

Happy1

that's funny. Those

that's funny. Those thoughts have gone through my head as well. I just don't want anymore drama and give him more reason to say 'poor me'. He can have his stupid ass lifeline iphone back. I look back at how it's literally attached to his hip and he cannot live without it. He's a sick individual and I hope he and his iphone, his boat and match.com women are all very happy together. They have no idea what they're in for. If that couple didn't really get a clue after they read what narcissist meant or chose not to believe then that's up to them. I've done everything and I'm not contacting and going nutso on him begging for him back like I have every other time. So my N knows this is the real deal this time and he can go be happy now. I don't care.

#26 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

Used

iphone

he knew alright, thats his story about tearing around looking for it and asking coworkers, he played you and you bought it ,my ex was an expert on [accidently] leaving things where i could stumbled across them including strippers phone numbers,but his exscuse, oh his mates put them in his pocket for a laugh, well i had the last laugh, when i kicked him out he was penniless and homeless and had to sleep in a car, karma does happen, it just takes a while your one is a snake.

#27 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #18)

Happy1

He can play all he wants to

He can play all he wants to in his head that I'm the bad guy for looking at his iphone and that my trust issues are what has broken us up. But no, he's the cheater and he cannot deny it or see it any other way. He's the one on dating sites, not me. He's a huge cheater and there's no way around it. I hate him!

#28 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #19)

rainbow1

Mine does the same thing! He

Mine does the same thing! He tells me that my jealousy and trust issues are what broke us up! Umm no buster! It was YOUR sleeping around and contacting your ex that made us break up. We didnt enter this relationship with the N feeling that way. They drove us to this. So even if he couldnt handle our jealousy issues he was the one who put them in place! When we got back together it was because he said that I was the one that had to prove to him that I changed! No f*ck off is what I have to say to both of our Ns!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#29 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

rainbow1

I agree that it was probably

I agree that it was probably planned. When me and my ex N were broken up we still lived together for awhile. He had his own computer that he used in his room. One day I came home and he had left up his Facebook page on MY computer. I know that he did this so that I would look, but I didnt. I just clicked out of it. He wanted you to look in it so that he would get a predictable reaction out of you and then he could yell at you and make you feel bad. You just let him win......

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#30 Jul 7 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

Happy1

he hasn't won though.. we

he hasn't won though.. we didn't discuss the exchange so he can get his stupid phone back and he hung up on me. Any other time he would hang up on me I would call him right back and try to talk to him. Not this time. I'm not contacting his ass. I'm done.

#31 Jul 7 - 4PM (Reply to #15)

Scoop

Hallelujah.... praise GOD he

Hallelujah.... praise GOD he is an arse ! he is a jerk !This man is a complete knob end and the game is up !!!!

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