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I was in a right bad mood this morning

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#1 Jun 16 - 1PM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

I was in a right bad mood this morning

My kids had completely trashed the place, they were fighting over breakfast and I'd completely had enough. I shouted about their toys, about me always tidying up and I kicked some of the mess into the other room. Then I felt awful, I felt guilty and terrible, I was so sorry to them. Then it struck me. If I had no guilt, no feelings of remorse, no feelings of wanting to really apologise, no understanding or how they felt......... well, this is how the narcissist is. It struck me that no wonder the Nar can be so bloody hateful, angry, hurtful, vile and violent...... they don't feel anything when they do it, there is no shame...... they have no empathy.

So the question, how can he be so cold and nasty?..........because he has no conscience, he has no thoughts of the impact it has on anyone, it doesn't even enter his head

Jun 16 - 5PM
Steph
Steph's picture

We take on their

We take on their "conscience" for them. Every mean and selfish and disturbing thing they do....we take it on as our own, like we are responsible for causing it. No wonder we come out of these relationships feeling like we were hit by a train!
Jun 16 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

They project it onto

They project it onto us.......... they're projection machines. We feel like shit so they don't have to they've put it ALL on us.

Ending the dance

Jun 16 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
Janet
Janet's picture

Yes! This is one of my big

Yes! This is one of my big therapy topics. It is sooooo hard. I try to take responsibility for what I do, but really, he was just not playing with a rule book. Up to the end, I found myself apologizing to him for things that he did or created. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 16 - 2PM
taken
taken's picture

becuz

They are brain damaged and cannot do it. They are incapable of it. Plain and simple. The lines just do not connect. Sad, but true.
Jun 16 - 2PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

It is such a hard concept to

It is such a hard concept to get youre head around , no conscience...The only sanction on their behaviour is what they can safly get away with .... This includes murder . If we all just stop and think about that you can see just how at risk we where . I always said that my narc would never get violent with me , untill he did ... its chilling . Scoop x
Jun 16 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Janet
Janet's picture

It is so hard to understand.

It is so hard to understand. When I look back, he demonstrated his lack of conscience almost from the get go. Behaviors so cold, mean and thoughtless that seemed I ended up feeling sorry for how wounded his inner-soul was. He would apologize and then do the same thoughtless types of actions over again. IF, IF, there ever was an "inner-soul" or a "wounded child" it shriveled up and died 30 years ago. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 16 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
janetc
janetc's picture

I totally agree Janet. Now I

I totally agree Janet. Now I can look back and see a bunch of red flags that I ignored. I attributed a lot of his behavior to his horrible childhood, and felt sorry for him and thought I could heal him! Now of course I know that was a total waste of time and energy. I read somewhere, it might have been in WWLP, that much of their personality is formed by age 3 or so! And, there was a lot of research in that book about the differences in the brain between N's and P's and the "normal" brain.

Janet

Jun 16 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Their brains aren't wired right...

I've been reading up on that, it's mainly in the amgydlia (I think that's how it's spelled) Psychopaths are so disconnected from their feelings they get a dopamine high when someone is in pain, etc. They also have difficulties feeling pain--even physical pain. It's like they're remotely controlling their own bodies. One could also say that Psychopaths lack mirror neurons, which are essential for empathy/sympathy. Autism sufferers also lack mirror neurons. The difference between a Psychopath and an autism/Asperger's sufferer is that the latter usually has a conscience,and WANTS to connect with others. An Asperger's sufferer/autistic person is also more likely to be victimized than a victimizer.
Jun 16 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Janet
Janet's picture

I have read it cover to

I have read it cover to cover three times and still keep saying WOW. Never again do I want to be in a relationship where I go back and forth between feeling pity and total rage at a person because of his selfish actions. Peace. J

Peace. J

Jun 16 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

Yes, my exN was abused by

Yes, my exN was abused by his abusive father. So was the mum and brother.His brother has been physically abusive in his relationships too. There are pictures on my computer of my exN as a little boy, I feel really sad when I see these, the broken child. I also have children with him and when he physically abused me badly in front of our little son a few times I had NO pity for the adult that he is. He started to be abusive to our children at a tiny age. I feel so glad that I got them out at the age of 2 and 4. Break the cycle. He is responsible as an adult for his actions, and he makes the choices he makes. Not all abused children end up being abusers. They make that decision.

Ending the dance