I want to tell him off sooooooooooo bad....

30 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 27 - 5PM

katiebird

I want to tell him off sooooooooooo bad....

It's been seven months of no contact on my part...he has contacted me a few times but I did not respond. Today, I want to rip him a new asshole, to tell him everything I hate about him. I want to tell him how much I hate him, how much I despise him, and how much better my life is without him.
Tell me this is wrong. Tell me to let it go.

#2 Apr 28 - 8AM

whatever2009

EVERYTIME!!!!!

I have told him NUMEROUS times what I think of him, only for him to try and manipulate me again. Its not worth it, its emotionally draining and straight up exhausting. Any attention you give them makes them happy, I didnt believe it either until I started with the negative words and energy. I can tell you that NO CONTACT drives them bananas. They feel neglected and unwanted. They cant feel guilt or empathy, but they feel more worthless when you ignore them. They are psychos who think they are god gift, so ignoring them is the way to win. Journal your thoughts, tell a friend, go beat up a punching bag, all of those will give you a better response then him. Its sad, but true.

#3 Apr 28 - 12PM (Reply to #28)

AnotherPath

Does anyone think that even

Does anyone think that even when they have OW that the NC gets them pissed off? I have children with the narc and when he sends pointless texts about can I provide wellington boots when they are visiting him as they will be going to a place where we used to go with friends of his I used to know and his new gf. I obviously don't answer and know it's his way of trying to upset me..... waste of time as I don't care. But when I do NC do think that pisses him off even though he has new supply?

Ending the dance

#4 Apr 28 - 6PM (Reply to #29)

neveragain5

I think that the lack of

I think that the lack of control that they can exert over someone that they previously had control over, can really piss them off. All the little things that you say like telling you to send something, etc., is control.

#5 Apr 28 - 7AM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

it didn't work for me........

and i tried it more than once.....including while he was laying on his death bed......and even then he would accept no blame...no responsbility.....when i told him how miserable he had made me and my pets with his boozing...the booze that KILLED him....he just stared at me..... and before he died, he used to do the nastiest crap to me..send me a nasty email...full of blame and accusations...then refuse to open any response from me..(i tracked them)....or he would say the nastiest most vile things to me...then just disappear... i know what you mean...i really do get it....they dump garbage all over us...then leave us drowning in it...with no place to put it..... with the psychonarc...no contact never made me feel any better.....and contact never made me feel any better....nothing has ever made me feel any better about the things he did to me....not even him dying has helped much... they make it to where there is no way for the righteous to win......they are pure evil......all of them...

#6 Apr 27 - 9PM

enoughalready

every single time

There was never a time when I'd go back to him countless times last year that I said" yeah, that felt great, I ought to go back more often" or when he stalked me down I felt as if he ruined my NC calendar and I had to start over again. Anytime I had ANY contact w/ him, I ALWAYS regretted it. They never change, they never will nor do they feel they should.he can careless what you have to say. NC, no response is your only and best revenge.

#7 Apr 27 - 9PM

katiebird

I let it go. I was sooooo

I let it go. I was sooooo angry. Angry he did what he did to me. Angry I never saw it coming. Angry.....you get the picture. Thank you for the advice, and from stopping me from making a horrible mistake. He is HISTORY. NC!

#8 Apr 27 - 9PM

TexN (not verified)

If he's anything like my narc

Which we know they are all alike, he will hang up on you before you can tell him what you think. All thats going to do is piss you off even worse & you are not going to be satisfied with the outcome! Besides, they just don't get it! What ever we have to say does not phase them!..I've tried it before & every time he turned it around on me! I did finally get the opportunity to tell his sorry ass off once. He pulled into my driveway with his new gf (to drop off daughter). I had been at the store so when i saw him pulling into my house (with gf in tow), I blocked him in! I told him & her everything i had to say! He denied it all & said i was just mad cos he dumped me! I said, "Yeah, after i dumped your sorry ass a hundred times but you were like a freakin human boomer rang! I'd kick your sorry ass out & you'd come right back!"...Bottom line though, it didn't phase him or her! He is too stupid for anything to sink in & she was too "snowed" to believe it!....

#9 Apr 27 - 8PM

quietude (not verified)

katiebird

I hear ya sister. I didn't have a knock-down, drag-out split with my exN...I never got the chance to tell him what I think of him. For the longest time telling him off was soooo tempting. It's not wrong to feel this way, but it will only give him power, and that's the last thing you want to do. He won't give a crap what you say, he'll just think, "she's in pain, YES!" ..because that's what they live for, causing pain and getting attention. Write it all out, come here and vent, take a kick-boxing class, etc...but don't waste your precious breath on a non-human evil sub-creature that doesn't deserve a second more of your attention.

#10 Apr 27 - 9PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

Sometimes it's simple

Sometimes it's as simple as wishing them happiness in their lives, and being happy in your own, that's the sweetest revenge. Narcs, unlike sociopaths, DO feel some guilt. As M. Scott Peck noted in "People of the Lie", narcissists do feel guilt--but are often in deep denial and/or too proud to admit they did wrong. As the Buddha noted, compassion means being able to weep for one's enemies. And it says in the Bible that hospitality to the unhospitable is like heaping fiery coals on their heads. The Narc (at least the inverted one) hates joy, happiness. So if someone wants him to be happy, it'll make HIM the angry one, not you. It's the ultimate tell-off. He'll be the one raging. And you can stand their calmly, with a smile on YOUR face.

#11 Apr 28 - 3AM (Reply to #21)

AnotherPath

I don't wish him happiness,

I don't wish him happiness, he tries to destroy women and children and has done his whole life, like they all do. He can go and rot in his miserable existence of fake life. Do you wish Hitler happiness????????

Ending the dance

#12 Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #22)

Susan32

He is his own Hell

You have to remember--for a Narc, the wish for happiness is the WORST thing you can do to him. It's a psychic knee to the groin. Think of it this way-remember the myth of Tantalus, always reaching for the fruit he can never have because he butchered his son. Telling him you wish him happiness is like dangling the fruit in front of him... knowing he will never have it. Some narcs FEED off of hatred. They CRAVE the hatred. My ex-N was. He thought the people who considered him a monster&inhuman respected him, and had contempt for me who considered him human. Very twisted. But sometimes, happiness is the best revenge. It's a knife to the heart. And saying,"Hope you're happy" is twisting it, very slowly....

#13 Apr 27 - 9PM (Reply to #15)

quietude (not verified)

susan32

That's generous of you...maybe one day I'll get there. I'm much more indifferent that I used to be, but I sure don't wish my ex any happiness whatsoever...but that's not too difficult of a goal since N's are not capable of knowing what true human happiness really is (only the superficial, immediate gratification type...) I don't have compassion for my exN...as he had absolutely zilch for me.

#14 Apr 27 - 9PM (Reply to #16)

Susan32

Some think they don't deserve true human happiness

That's why the inverted narcissist isn't as an easy read as the classic one. The classic ones want the compliments, feed off of it. They WANT you to treat them like God's gift. Inverted narcissists do not. I remember telling the ex-N in my life that his negative attitude of self-pity was no way to live life. That it wasn't real living. Constant victimhood isn't the way to live. When I told my ex-N that he always struck me as a deeply unhappy man, he got defensive, saying "you don't know the real me. You don't appreciate my masks." I was the one who had always encouraged him;in fact, I was the emotionally dominant one (as a friend told me) He was more dependent on me than vice versa. Yep, a man old enough to be my father. This ex-N got mad at me and badmouthed me to my friends because I had *gasp* dared to tell them that he was writing a book, and I was proud. I asked him why he got mad at me. He'd shoot me glaring looks if a colleague told him I was "singing his praises." Classic narcissists looove that (but so do normal people) Narcissists ARE deeply unhappy. Narcissism is an unhappy condition. Narcs make their own Hells.

#15 Apr 27 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

quietude (not verified)

inverted N's

My understanding is that there is no such thing as an inverted N, and that's a term SV coined (the psychopath whose BS is banned from this forum). Barbara might be able to expand on the subject better than I... All N's think they're God's gift, some are just more covert about their abuse and actions than others.

#16 Apr 27 - 10PM (Reply to #18)

Barbara (not verified)

Susan32

THEY DO NOT FEEL GUILT!!! they have NO FEELINGS they are UNABLE TO FEEL!!! where are you reading this nonsense? People of the Lie was a good book but Peck even admitted he might have it wrong ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#17 Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

The difference between Narcs and Sociopaths

Narcissists are capable of feeling some guilt--they just deny it profoundly, and are TOO DAMN PROUD to admit it. Sociopaths feel no guilt. Narcissists follow rules. My ex-N loooved the word "appropriate." He cared more about propriety than morality. He was kinda prissy. Sociopaths do not--that's why a lot of them are in San Quentin. It does not justify the actions. Not at all.

#18 Apr 28 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

Barbara (not verified)

incorrect

Narcissists feel NO GUILT - nada - its all an ACT they are just 'ambulatory psychopaths' according to Dr. Hare. THEY HAVE NO FEELINGS OTHER THAN PRIMITIVE RAGE. Period. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#19 Apr 27 - 8PM

Amazed

Katiebird, and talking back to them

Not EVER a good idea. Don't talk with him, look at him, respond to him, NOTHING. This is the most effective way of ripping him a new asshole, as you say. I would love to tell my exN what a f--king jerk he is,,how ludicrous and low down he is to the core..guess what..you are way above evening yelling at his trash ass... Leave it alone,,get the F away from him as soon, as fast, as far, as you can,, Not only is he not worth it, he will think you want to play games and it is not constructive criticism. Perhaps we think if we yell it at them,,they will listen, and heed us.. Not a chance. Not even worth it...he is worse than you know... If you want to make your life miserable, interact with the heartless sleeze. Is that where you want to be?

#20 Apr 27 - 8PM

enoughalready

katiebird

I've told my XN off so many times of his wrongdoings and his lies. He enjoys seeing you upset, this is what they love. Indifference will really hurt him. For him to feel insignificant would be unbearable. Besides, he'll deny and tell you more lies. Let it go...he's not worth your time. And believe me, I have to verbally tell myself this when I feel the same way you do.

#21 Apr 27 - 5PM

Monica

It's not wrong, it's just a waste of time, katiebird

Nothing you say to him will get through to him. Nothing will matter. It will not change what he is or make him see you any differently. As a matter of fact, you will probably be feeding his ego and arrogance if you DO tell him off. You would be giving him something he WANTS and NEEDS...your attention. They get off on even negative attention. They LIKE it, they need it. The most effective thing you can do is ignore him, not contact him, not say anything to him, continue to not respond to his attempts to contact you...STARVE HIM. THAT is what will hurt him, that will be just like ripping him a new asshole because they can't stand to be ignored and forgotten! So, if you want to hurt him, REALLY hurt him...ignore him. Forever.

#22 Apr 28 - 1PM (Reply to #10)

agnesmurphy17

Waste of Time

I agree that it is a waste of time. First, he will twist & manipulate what is said. Second, that alone will crank you up & he will win again. The only way to get to these guys is to unmask them in public where it hurts, in front of the important people . . . whoever they are to your N. However, when caught in an incontrovertible lie . . . totally unmasked . . . these guys become ENRAGED. I am obsessed with thoughts of telling my N off. Even when he was living with his new woman, he was sending me e-mails about how much he was suffering because I abandoned him. He had to work on his "recovery" (while getting a new woman & even after she moved in). Four months after I left him, a new woman moved in. He even called me asking to reconcile when she was living with him & I knew she was there (mine is very secretive & never flaunted his new woman). But, I said nothing. I hate myself for not confronting him with that & so many other things. But, I am so afraid of his RAGE.

#23 Apr 27 - 5PM

gullablegull (not verified)

tried that....

I wouldn't recommend it. I tried it, and I still have to go up against mine in court. I wish I had held back. I should have kept my cards closer to my chest, and the truth is, they don't care. It will make no difference whatsoever. It might give you a few seconds of satisfaction, but all in all, it is more harmful that empowering. The best thing you can do to get revenge is take care of yourself, look good and feel good, move forward with your life, and try very, very hard to forget the evil.

#24 Apr 27 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

katiebird

I hate him, I hate him, I

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I hate what he did to me. I hate how I did not know what he was doing to me. I hate that I fell for it. I hate that I can't stop hating him. But...I did cancel the email I had pounded out to him and I thank you for that.

#25 Apr 28 - 3AM (Reply to #8)

AnotherPath

Of course you hate him.

Of course you hate him. That anger is VERY real. Write it down in a journal and swear as much as you want, vent it out over and over. It will at some point calm down. Please don't write to him or let him know how you feel. He'll love it, that you're angry with him, he'll feel important. I never let exN know how I feel, he didn't get one bad word from my solicitor even after 2 years of his abusive letters. I don't think he liked the no response because it meant I was a bigger person than him and didn't have to join in with his sick game. One recent letter from my solicitor to him was about me accommodating his change in visitation for the children. He wrote back and said "thank your client for thinking about me" That just shows how annoyed he is that I never responded to him in 2 years, no attention really upsets them. You're above him, don't get sucked in

Ending the dance

#26 Apr 27 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

grossot

hey there katiebird

Yeah; here's a little example of how that would go: Katie: I want to shove your stubby little di*k down your skull till u choke to death N: you want me Katie: no I don't! I want you to burn in Hell forever N: you want me Katie: stop saying that! Just admit you are a loser who cannot stop f**king up! N: this is your problem. There is something wrong with you Then you feel like crap bc you are actually a person with emotions. There. Feel better that you didn't do that? http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#27 Apr 28 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

sanctuary

That's funny, also so sad

That's funny, also so sad but true. They only hear what they want, we shouldn't waste the breath on them.

#28 Apr 27 - 8PM (Reply to #6)

neveragain5

Been there. Love that

Been there. Love that conversation!! (Sarcasm) :) Cocky sons of a b*itches!

#29 Apr 27 - 5PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

katiebird

don't do it he won't care it will just give him fuel to say you're a crazy, obsessed stalker to the next victim he's NOT HUMAN he can NOT FEEL it will just make you look bad and to a narc - attention is good or bad but still ATTENTION the worst thing you can do to him? INDIFFERENCE!! hate is a normal part of the grieving and healing process... talk to your therapist about this. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#30 Apr 27 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Susan32

Dealing with the passive aggressor/inverted narcissist

Inverted narcissists react badly to praise, compliments, things that normal people and classic narcissists tend to LIKE. Narcs don't like other people's happiness, and some don't like the thought of themselves being happy. In an odd way, wishing them well might be the best revenge. When the ex-N in my life threw a tantrum when I congratulated him on his engagement, I was shocked. He also threw a fit saying that I was "bringing him down to my level" and "had a low opinion of him" because I said, "obviously, you can't be happy with me, so be happy with her." I honestly wished him well. I was treating him as an adult, making adult life choices. It managed to get him into a rage claiming that I was "violating" him. All he could do was get angry. It was like being with a toddler... well, one on the verge of middle age.

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