I want to send this...Why shouldn't I??

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#1 Jul 12 - 12PM

sunny 523

I want to send this...Why shouldn't I??

I texted him last night (don't ask me why!!), and his newest girlfriend had the NERVE to text me back for him that he is "BUSY." I am PISSED! Here's what I wrote:

J...

You allowed your so-called "girlfriend" to text me last night that you are "busy"? That tells me that you are both very immature. I am sure you have made me out to be another of your "crazy exes". Your newest "girlfriend" has no idea what she is in store for yet with you.

Have you ruined her trips yet? Gotten mad at her for stupid trivial things? Have you walked out or hung up on her because you "didn't like the way the conversation was going"? Made her feel bad about having a different opinion? Broken up with her because you couldn't get your way? If she has met your boys, have you demeaned her in front of them yet? Made her feel like she has no say in anything that has to do with them? Have you made your mental checklists and timelines with her yet? Is she passing all of your impossible tests? Has she failed to read your mind yet? Have you blamed her for all of the problems that you created in your relationship yet? Did you tell her she knows you better than anyone ever has, and then tell her she never knew you, and that you are 'strangers now'? Have you dropped the anvil on her over and over again yet? Made her feel like she can't get upset with your crappy behavior, or else you will "need your space" and/or break up with her? How about a few doses of the silent treatment? Did you tell her to stay feisty, then tell her she's too argumentative for you? Have you told her that if she doesn't want to participate in kinky sex acts with other people, that she doesn't want to know the 'real you' yet? How about the passive-aggressive games? The PITA crap?

Basically, have you BROKEN HER DOWN yet?

If not, you eventually will, because that is what you do. She will find out soon enough. I feel sorry for the girl. It won't be long before you discard her like every other person in your life, including your family and friends, who doesn't meet up with your impossible and ridiculous standards. Then, she won't be so smug. After dealing with the aftermath of your narcissistic abuse, maybe she will one day understand what all of the people who have cared about you have been through!

#2 Jul 12 - 6PM

gettinbetter

I bet that wasnt even her

I bet that wasnt even her that replied to you. Trust me these guys dont turn their phones over to anyone. Its the gateway to their secret life. It was probably him that sent that busy text in order to hurt you. Its two fold for them. They get to hurt you really bad with it and when they want to hoover you they claim that they knew nothing about those nasty replies that were sent to you. Mine did this to me and went of of his way to make it look like her using all kinds of punctuation (which he never uses) but it was his toddler like words that gave away that it was him. The message I got was Narc loves me. He bought me a big diamond ring. You have a husband. Focus on him. You will only get your heart broken again. Now I ask you does that not sound like a message a six year old would send. Its like see spot run. No grown adult woman would send such a childish text. Nope. It was him and one day when he feels like hoover if ever, he will I had no idea that was sent to you. She took my phone. She is evil ba blah blah blah. You know how the story goes...

#3 Jul 12 - 2PM

girlsinger

sunny

Hi yes!!! it is really GOOD! bravo for not sending it, scoop is right BTW I especially enjoyed "the PITA crap?".. nice touch!..classic ,girl be blessed K

#4 Jul 12 - 1PM

sunny 523

OK, OK! I won't send it!

OK, OK! I won't send it! But it is a pretty good rant, huh? Thanks, Scoop. I know it does sound like I am the crazy one here. Maybe I am. BIG MISTAKE to break NC. Let this be a lesson to anyone thinking of contacting ex-n. It only sets you back by MILES and MILES. I will keep this in my drafts. UNSENT. Screw him and his new Quasimodo! XOXO...Thanks for saving me from making a huge mistake! Mer

#5 Jul 12 - 6PM (Reply to #18)

maky1

You perfectly summed them up.

You perfectly summed them up. But if HE read that , HE would never see it in himself. HE would think you are crazy and making stuff up. BUt YOU know and WE know that you summed them up well. He would respond with a sarcastic word or even hurtful things to one-up you. And all the while he would have some twisted ego boost because ANY contact is a sign to them that they have you around. You nailed it in that rant. You see him for what he is and you know his pattern. So now you can break free. It's infuriating as hell that they will never see the errors of their ways and never say they are sorry or let us know we are right and not crazy. Rants like this are what help us figure it all out and should be kept in our private journals and never given to them. So keep letting him have it in your own private writing and you will feel better soon. Contact is frustrating and gets you nowhere because you cannot get anywhere with these guys. We will never get the respect we deserve or any accountability from them. They never change no matter how well they put on a new face. the new face wont last cuz they are the same guys underneath. So we just have to accept that they are incapable of feeling sorry and taking responsibility. We can only take responsibility for ourselves from here on out.

#6 Jul 12 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

prettypeeved

NO! You are not the crazy

NO! You are not the crazy one, nor do you sound it, at least not to those who understand what you're going through!

#7 Jul 12 - 1PM

Sparrow

AGREED - DON'T SEND

Please don't send that. It is all very truthful I know. Sounds exactly like something maybe the rest of us could have written as well at one time or another. Keep writing, it's good therapy, but do not, under any circumstances send it. You will regret it........THIS I CAN PROMISE YOU! Stay strong and re-read the letter. As many times as you have to to remember how lucky you are to be away from him. Smiles

#8 Jul 12 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

veedoll

why not send

why is it not a good idea to send your rants to the NARC? what do they get out of it?

#9 Jul 12 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

Hunter

Veedoll

You are feeding the vampire blood! Once the D&D occurs, it's over! The grim reaper appears. They read this a wahwahawawawaaa! They will use every word to destroy you! They love the fact that they got to you! Silence pisses them off! Hunter

#10 Jul 12 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

kizzy72

yep

sometimes its good to vent out all of your thoughts for YOUR sake. Believe me I have a letter or two I've written for him but I never sent it. You are not crazy, you're hurt and if HE WASN'T so NUTS himself, he would know how to empathize with you. What you need to do, if you haven't already, is write down word for word what happened, what he said to you, and I will assure you when you read it back to yourself, you will feel better. Its like my therapist said, step out side of yourself and take what he did to you and imagine he's doing it to your best friend or worse a child. Would what he has done be sane? Take everything he's said to you and just visualize someone talking to a child that way or your mother, you wouldn't blame your mother or that child, so don't blame yourself. That's what I keep having to tell myself. I come on here all the time to re-read what he did to me and each time I say to myself "why am I blaming myself? Nothing I did was out of the ordinary. HE's the one with the problem".

#11 Jul 12 - 1PM

Scoop

Firstly excelent rant ! thats

Firstly excelent rant ! thats up there with the best rants i have ever read here . Although its so tempting please dont send it . lord knows i have sent some good between the eyes stuff to my narc but have always regreted it a few days later . If you where a couple of years NC it may be diffrent but you are way too raw at the moment and any reply wil just trigger the hell out of you and will put you back . Keep it , save it and refure back to it when you need that boost of confidence in youre recovory . Big love Scoop x

#12 Jul 12 - 1PM

Deidre40

I echo everyone else...DO NOT

I echo everyone else...DO NOT SEND. May i ask what you texted him initially? Just curious... If his new gf did text you back...this is so textbook. I remember hearing a tall tale from my ex about how his 4th wife contacted him when he was dating someone new after their split. He handed the phone to his new gf. Anyways, the new gf said...''you need to move on, he has a gf now...'' on and on he said it went. And he said, he just stood there and laughed. See? They get off on this sick behavior. Read up on Picasso. Yea, the famous artist. Your mind will be blown. Sick dude beyond words. He pitted women against each other who wanted to date him, constantly. He even made them wrestle over him. lol Unreal! And he was Picasso. So... Please don't send. I know you're hurting. But, trust me. The fact that the gf answered? Shows me...his games with her have already begun. Sadly. You needn't think you lost a good 'catch,' trust me. Normal guy = shuts phone off when with new gf or lets call go to vm Narc guy = let's new gf reply to old gf... A normal guy would never ever ask his gf to even get involved...

#13 Jul 12 - 1PM

bakingfortherapy

dont send...

Dont send it. Hoepfully just getting those thoughts out here will help you. If you send it he WINS!!! He has proof that you are still affected by him and that you care enough to write him something..even something unkind. They LOVE interaction....any kind. They LOVE that you engaged in a communication with them! Do not let him know you care enough to write the email. My therapist said " do not let yourself be one of the acts in his circus" Please NC!!!

#14 Jul 12 - 1PM

kizzy72

was it his girlfriend

or was it him texting you back pretending to be his girlfriend? They do stupid mess like that, just to get under your skin

#15 Jul 12 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

Hunter

That's what I think! A narc

That's what I think! A narc never give access to his things, no way his phone is not password protected, Hunter

#16 Jul 12 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

sunny 523

Hunter, My ex-n used to GIVE

Hunter, My ex-n used to GIVE me all of his passwords, and let me access anything at any time. Of course, if I did, he would get pissed, just because I checked, not because he was hiding anything. HE GAVE ME THE DAMN PASSWORDS! LOL! He acts like he has nothing to hide, but he is hiding his real self from the world!

#17 Jul 12 - 1PM

spinning

sunny, sweetheart,

it's your friend (not) spinning here. I want to urge you not to send this for a couple of reasons: 1. You will be entering the realm of stalking. He is disordered, yes. He hurt you, yes. But he is allowed to let whoever he wants respond to a text from you saying that he is 'busy.' For you to persist in contacting him (which you have) begins to cross the line into harassment. Please do not give him this power. You already give him way more power than he deserves. 2. If you send this, you are providing the exact evidence he'll use to assert his argument that you are indeed 'another of his crazy ex's.' All of your heartfelt words outlining his behavior will be lost on him. And on her. Trust me on this! She's in the honeymoon stage. She will join his bandwagon that you are the crazy one, not him. They don't need you to tell them how immature they are. Again, it will be lost on them. He does not care what you think. 3. Try to consider what it is that keeps you going back for more punishment from this guy. He ignored all your attempts at contact for about three months if I recall. I know you want to get back at him and call him out on his crappy behavior but what happens is you give him supply when you do that. And you hurt yourself. Every time you contact him and engage with him you tell him it's okay to treat Sunny so badly because she'll always be around for more. She must like it, she just can't let go... Sunny, my sweet friend, I hope this doesn't sound harsh. I do not want you to have a hand in your own torture any more. I'd like to try to do what I can to see you get clear of this FREAK. I am not trying to be mean and I hope you understand that. Please don't send the email or text. It will be lost on him and you will just feed into his disordered thought process. I'm glad you wrote it out here. Let that be sufficient. Keep posting here. You will find positive energy and support here. Feed yourself healthy thoughts instead. I send you good vibes for clarity and strength. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION.

spinning

#18 Jul 12 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

sunny 523

Thank you (not) spinning!

Thank you (not) spinning! I did NOT send it. I realize that it would have been something I would truly regret. I just had to purge my anger and get it out of my system! Vibes have been received!!! XOXO Mer

#19 Jul 12 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

kizzy72

Spinning is right

When I first came on here I was still contacting him trying to work things out, but realized the more I kept contacting him, the ammo he had for proving to himself and everyone else that I was "pressed", "obsessed" or whatever he wanted to tell his little pion mind. The best way to get back is to not say anything.

#20 Jul 12 - 1PM

prettypeeved

Nice to write, probably best

Nice to write, probably best not to send. It's just supply. And it'll back up his story in her eyes that you are the "crazy nutter who won't leave him alone." It's better to rise above it. By all means rant on here and anywhere else, but don't give him ammunition.

#21 Jul 12 - 1PM

Gullable1

May I be frank?

Excuse my brutal honesty, May I be candid? If you send that, you are fulfilling your own destiny, you will empower all those not only with your pain, with an "ah ha, see how nutty she is... She just can't move on" Those are your inside thoughts, or thoughts for me, us your therapist, journal, shower songs? Save that to your drafts, get a grip on reality and re-group. Who gives a rats ass what he is doing with another woman? Don't let jealousy cloud your logic, the butt fuck sucks.... Your free!

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