I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CRAZY BEHAVIOR

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#1 Mar 20 - 8PM

gettinbetter

I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CRAZY BEHAVIOR

I have often thought I was a Narc or a Borderline simply because of my crazy ass behavior. I mean I have literally acted like a freak sending him text after text with emotionally laden language. Getting mad then apologizing,begging you name it over and over and over anything to get his attention.

I never would really admit to this publicly before because I felt shameful. Especially when I made contact and I was supposed to be NC. I felt like their was something wrong with me. I felt pathetic. I felt shame.

There is no shame in this. I simply was responded to repressed pain that was getting reignited by someone who set out to harm me. I think my behavior was normal for someone screaming out in gut wrenching pain.

So lets hear it ladies what have you done. Get it out.NO SHAME here. Purge yourself of it.

#2 Mar 21 - 5PM

A constant roller

A constant roller coaster. This type behavior kicked in towards the D&D stage I suppose. I called his phone 65x in a row through one of his silent treatments. Texted 30 texts a day of accusing, sadness, apologizing. repeat. (occurred whenever I was given reason to not believe him.) I stalked his car once at a concert waiting 2 hours beside it, called him 30x, no answer. Just to see who he brought along.. which was another girl. I stole his phone a couple of times and went through his Facebook a couple of times. (yet he went through mine on a daily basis.) I would be such a "cool girl", then the next minute flip out on him. Literally like this for months. He just had to deal with a lot of emotional harassment I suppose. I am ashamed of my behavior. I'll still contact him and ask him why, why, why. ugh. Might I add.. The whole time he is calm, cool, and collected. I think that's what drove me nutso. I almost do see him as the good guy.. and I was the crazy one.

#3 Mar 21 - 3PM

shyloh

I am a SOCIAL WORKER and very

I am a SOCIAL WORKER and very educated, professional, good head on my shoulders and I also begged and cried and blubbered to the NARC after I left him, begging him to change. I texted like a mad woman to beg him, right before our divorce (I filed). When I was with a Narc for 2 years, through one pregnancy I became the most insecure person, and started to believe the person he was defining me as. I believed every belittling word, I am crazy, etc etc. When I felt like I was ready to be put in the looney bin, I left, only to beg him to change. Then he threatenned to slit my throat and again, I begged him to get help and come back. Now I am feeling a little better-three flippin years after I left him and 9 months after our divorce:/

#4 Mar 21 - 2PM

helldweller

Crazy behavior--mine

Now I am a sophisticated, poised, educated woman with three degrees and a distinguished career. Three years with the narc and I: krazy-glued all the locks on his house and gates, smashed his windshield with a hammer in plain view of several neighbors, tried to smash his front door but he had put in bulletbroof glass (good thing I didn't try to shoot him through it). Stole his phone and called everyone in it. But I must say that the all-out craziest thing I did was believing the b.s. he told me for four years when it was so unbelieveably obvious that he was a lying piece of s---.

#5 Mar 21 - 4PM (Reply to #60)

gettinbetter

That hysterical that he has

That hysterical that he has bullet proof glass LOL!

#6 Mar 21 - 2PM (Reply to #58)

WiserNow30

Now I am a sophisticated CPA

Now I am a sophisticated CPA with a great career, tall, athletic, out-going, smart. One and a half years with the Narc and I: -stole his phone, texted everyone and threw it into a field -broke into his house, got his SSN# and ran his credit (it came up with a zero, I didn't even know that was possible) -knocked on his door when he was inside with another woman -became friends with his ex-wife, then believed him over her, and then took him back -did sexual things that I am ashamed about -became a different person for a while That felt good to get that out.

#7 Mar 21 - 2PM (Reply to #59)

Veronrose

ran his credit (it came up

ran his credit (it came up with a zero, I didn't even know that was possible) Zero credit score? Ha! That's priceless. :)

#8 Mar 21 - 11AM

mystwoman

I did a lot of crying and

I did a lot of crying and begging him to not leave me, and apologized for things that were not my fault merely because he demanded it. I heard a lot of "You WILL apologize for that or I WILL leave you." Also, at one point, xnh had me convinced that I have serious "anger issues", and I was actually reading tons of books trying to figure what was wrong with ME. Looking back, I was angry because xnh was doing things that I had a right to be angry about (cheating, lying, abusing, etc). Xnh actually tried to force me into promising him that I would never get angry at him ever again for the rest of his life. What an unrealistic free-ride he was trying for on that one! It would not be humanly possible to NEVER get angry at him. I did NOT promise, by the way. lol. One craziest things that I did to xnh was actually after we divorced. He came to my house hoovering, and while he was there, he threw it into my face that "I had driven him to online porn because I was frigid." Two days later, I found a stash of his porn DVD's in the back of my closet under some old blankets. So I very "kindly" took his property to work and left them in his mailbox for him to find. Apparently, xnh doesn't check his mail very often because he pulled out the whole pile of mail about two weeks later, and the porn DVD's fell onto the floor in front of a couple of co-workers. Xnh was angry because *I* had embarrassed him. It was his porn, not mine. Poor little baby.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#9 Mar 21 - 2PM (Reply to #55)

helldweller

mystwoman

That reminded me of when he went to Las Vegas and left me home, miscarrying his baby. I called he and his brothers' hotel room and left a message on the room voice mail berating him for leaving his girlfriend at home miscarrying his child. He didn't respond but, a week later when he came back home, I was chewed out and slapped for embarrassing him in front of his brothers and upsetting them while on vacation. "They work hard, honey. They don't want to hear your bullshit when they're trying to relax." Quote, endquote.

#10 Mar 21 - 3PM (Reply to #56)

mystwoman

What a jerk! God forbid that

What a jerk! God forbid that you interrupt a vacation for something as mundane as miscarrying his baby. lol. That's really pathetic on his part. These guys are real turds. I swear they're all cut from the same cloth. I have some serious health problems. Xnh told me that I should just go ahead and die because I was "holding him back" and "ruining his life". He was raging at me because I was so sick I could barely walk, and HE wanted to go camping that weekend. I guess, according to xnh, I just didn't have my priorities straight about what is really "important" in life. lol. If I hadn't been so sick and hurt at the time, I would have volunteered to go find a two-year old that would show xnh how to throw himself onto the floor and hold his breath until he turns purple. That was about the maturity level xnh was displaying. rofl.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#11 Mar 21 - 11AM

Happy1

He definitely made me feel

He definitely made me feel like I was the crazy one by the time he was done with me. I couldn't do or say anything right. He would cheat and it was my fault. He would lie and he said he had to because I was so out of hand. It was NUTS!!

#12 Mar 21 - 8AM

ImStrong

My narc said an ex tried to

My narc said an ex tried to kill him once..put a knife to his throughtand said "your not going to leave me" he told me he "liked it" after he told me that wonderful story he started insisting I be more demanding im too nice.. Her story takes the cake than anything I ever done to him..i did tell him ima smack him and beat that ass if he keep fcking with me..im happy I stopped speaking to him before any of that went down

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#13 Mar 21 - 10AM (Reply to #45)

IncognitoBurrito

ImStrong

"i did tell him ima smack him and beat that ass if he keep fcking with me..im happy I stopped speaking to him before any of that went down" AHAHA! Priceless. Yeah, I'm glad it didn't come to blows either. A girl's gotta stay classy. I think they LOVE this kind of talk, this kind of toughness in us. I think they just EAT IT UP. Personally, I prefer to keep my feet on the ground, and surround myself with calm people. But I'm not too good to put someone in their place, when they desperately need it. I think they love that in us, that we talk BACK, you know? Even if we never get physical about it. It makes it better for them, when they finally do dupe us. Because we aren't weaklings to begin with. They just love to find that vulnerable spot, and twist, twist, twist away! It's weird. They'll bring out sides of us that we didn't even know we had! ...still can't beat the pickle juice. That's a new one to me!

#14 Mar 21 - 4PM (Reply to #52)

dazed and seeki...

" I think they love that in

" I think they love that in us, that we talk BACK, you know? Even if we never get physical about it. It makes it better for them, when they finally do dupe us. Because we aren't weaklings to begin with. They just love to find that vulnerable spot, and twist, twist, twist away! " I found this to be really true. I tend to surround myself with stable people. And my family is pretty stable. They noticed and commented that I had started to change - they blamed it on working too many hours. I was short, snappy, and just not fun to be around. I was always on edge. He definitely brought out the worst in me. On top of that, I really felt that he clung on to me because I was stern and fought back. I use to think it was because he wanted somebody who could reign him in, control him, essentially be his mother. I sensed some mommy issues. Now I wonder if he did that because it was a sick game - like he didn't keep women who were "weaker" or fell hard too soon. I was a challenge, because I spoke up and fought back. I wonder what which it is...probably both. The craziest things I ended up doing: - I threatened to kill myself once. And I took it back a minute later explaining that I was just shaken by the news. I had just found out that instead of cheating with one woman, it was actually two. - I called his mom to tell her about all of his women and how he was a cheater. This was the worst thing I could do to him, because he was so concerned about his image. - Just a ton of screaming and anger and crying. I've never cried so much in my life.

#15 Mar 21 - 4PM (Reply to #51)

Susan32

He wanted to break me...

The odd thing was that he expected me to attempt suicide like Natasha does in "War and Peace" when Anatole dupes her (he attempts to elope with her- turns out he's already married) when I met the girlfriend. Instead, I came back stronger than ever. During the final D&D, I was weeping, apologizing, following him around... and as soon as I met the girlfriend, I was on the warpath. Uh yeah, he found the vulnerable spot... then I found HIS. When I congratulated him on being engaged, he raged. I'd speak calmly, and he threw tantrums. It didn't help that the senior skit MOCKED HIM... and he went running out of the auditorium (I didn't exactly opposite it, and one of his male disciples LOUDLY pointed it out, shouting, "That's Mr. T---!") He expected me to get drunk&fat... well, HE certainly got drunk&fat. I was the one who declared love then skipped out of town. Any bets on him calling ME the Narc??? There were times when I knew how to speak calmly&keep my cool while he was raging, being the maniac. It's not as if I were the one embodying his rage (which he would've preferred) I knew his vulnerabilities. I knew how he couldn't stand being mocked. He'd run away. If I compared him to the kids at the local elementary school (topping it off with "the first graders are better behaved than you"), he ran away. I kinda knew what rendered him helpless. That's what happens when you get to know someone. I once told him he was good preparation for being with toddlers... believe me, when it turned out that the ex-P's father and my brother in-law have THE SAME NAME..., I milked that one like a cow during calving season....

#16 Mar 21 - 10AM (Reply to #46)

ImStrong

Yup told him straight up with

Yup told him straight up with out a stutter..also ended it with " You fcken with the right one boy..dont be Fooled"

#17 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #49)

michele115 (not verified)

Imstrong...

So funny... My line was..."Hold on now wait a minute...you got the WRONG one..." Same difference... Unfortunately the joke was on me though...as yea, he backed down... But look at me now...LMAO... Apparantly he had the RIGHT one... S.O.B.!

#18 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #50)

ImStrong

I like that ..that made me

I like that ..that made me laugh... ya but we loose to win..if that helps lol to S.O.B

#19 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #47)

IncognitoBurrito

Strongerooni

And they STILL managed to get past our defenses! Like a prison guard, who's off duty! They fool the best psychotherapists. It still blows my mind.

#20 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #48)

ImStrong

True But the guard is back on

True But the guard is back on her job

#21 Mar 21 - 7AM

Steph

This is a really great

This is a really great post. I mostly just cryed alot, and acted really pathetic.....trying so hard to get him to understand things he did that hurt me. I'd always be the one to end up apologizing....even when he did something wrong. The worst I did that I am most ashamed of was break NC and drunk dial him to tell him what a prick he is. Felt kinda good to give it all back to him, but drunk dialling is uncharacteristic of me and it definately wasn't one of my finer, more proud moments lol

#22 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #39)

michele115 (not verified)

I will say however...one GOOD thing for me

As much as we are knocking ourselves over our temporarily insane behavior. For me, it was always an issue to be angry. Angry was a BAD thing...I was trained not to be ANGRY...and so I walked around constipated with ANGER... And when all of this jumped off, a friend of mine came over...now this friend is rather interesting because she's a Christian, can cite chapter and verse and is a very strong force to contend with...you can almost "feel" her power and her strength but she was very much into the church but she wasn't preachy...she was real...but don't try to discuss or debate anything Bible cause she'd knock you on your behind it just rolls off her lips...she can cite it all...anything you say...she's got a verse... That being said...that night she came over...and she said something...well she was also in all her "christian" ways trying to convince me to throw all his crap out...BUT it was under the guise that I needed to feel my anger...to express my anger and that was so foreign to me...you know...and even on a spiritual level to see this woman and I'm like...but wait, where's the Christian...she's telling me to be angry, she's telling me to throw out his stuff...my Girl's done gone on the warpath. BUT in this process I have learned that she was dead right on...that that feeling was a valid feeling worthy of feeling and that I should not suppress it. That it is okay to feel it, that it makes me human... AND I only came to accept this at 42. So I say that to say that despite the pain and the agony...and all that we say we did that we are "ashamed" of...no we should not feel ashamed. We were actually defending ourselves, we were speaking out, we were giving it back...we were doing right by us...we were taking care of us, even if it seemed insane...we were fighting back... Little did we know it would have no effect, BUT we didn't just sit there and eat it...all of us here who have told these stories...in one way or another...may not look like it to you but when you examine it...we reacted...we were not passive. I think that was healthy...the instincts were there...we just need to learn better how to read the cues...and how to handle it but I think our anger and our reactions were perfectly okay. It is HOW we were taking care of us under the circumstances which were very very convoluded.

#23 Mar 21 - 12PM (Reply to #43)

Steph

"constipated with

"constipated with anger" haha! I was too. I was always made to feel "bad" if I expressed anger- justified anger. Throughout my childhood, and in all of my relationships. Took a lot of therapy to understand that hey, it is ok for me to stand up for myself. I do have a right to feel anger when I am mistreated. It is healthy. We were fighting back. You are so right. In my case, with the last N - I had a very delayed anger reaction lol.....almost a year after the fact. BUt what the hell, I got it out and even though the circumstances weren't the best - drunk dialing lol- I have NOT once felt the urge to apologize to him. Nope. Meant every word I said to him and don't feel guilty for any words I said. That's progress for me:)

#24 Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #40)

ImStrong

Its called moments of clarity Michelle

Preach on..i think like the narc we too had our moment of clarity too...we woke up in a quick minute and didnt take..shit well atleat I did..but this topic proved it..we wasnt all smiles and submissive..we wasnt al here narc take it all..we didnt lay on a platter and let him feast..we fought we too had our moments of clarity..now where just training ourselves to literally stretch that moment of clarity throughout ourlives but with less anger or steam coming out our ears..we woke up from the brainwash each time we screamed back or snaped right back..Dont know about everyoneelse but..i love my moment of clarities it makes me smile..that moment I didnt feel like no "victim"..i was fighting..tooth to nail for me..all my home training came running all of a sudden I had self esteem and I love it..now to stretch that moment of clearity to my everyday life..i tell ya when im done fixing me a narc will have a hard.time fcken with this head and finding my weak button..im a send them back to narc school to get retrained..because supplies like us are getting faster..stronger..longer..where no longer satisfied with being the." Victim"..where hungry too for our strength back..and the plan is to be stronger than before..longer....

#25 Mar 21 - 12PM (Reply to #41)

michele115 (not verified)

IM STRONG...Don't get me started...LOL

I'll share another "moment of clarity" and I never knew this humdinger either. ANOTHER friend told me: "Whenever someone compliments me, I always wonder what they want, I get suspicous" Now for me, I like to compliment people but it comes from the heart...I believe what you put out there you get back and it just creates a warm energy. I don't want anything back but if your hair looks nice or your make up looks good, I'm not gonna hate you, I wanna build you up...just because I think we should build eachother up...that's MY thing. Well, when she said this I was all "Pollyanna"...BUT WHYEEEE? What's wrong with a compliment...and she said..because what a compliment is is flattery...they're trying to get on your good side but a lot of times it's tied to a selfish reason. Of course...Michele here heard ***crickets*** AND TODAY...Michele understands what she was trying to say. SO LADIES...do not go for the flattery...do not let it move you one bit...you do not need his flattery or his compliments...that is what sucks ya in...if he says "nice dress" okay...but when they start laying that on thick...RED FLAG...RED FLAG...NARC ALERT!!!!

#26 Mar 21 - 12PM (Reply to #42)

ImStrong

You are on a role today..yes

You are on a role today..yes girl preach..dont let me start with that flattering thing..i learned my lesson..he put me so high up on a pedistle I forgot I was afraid of hights..but now I remeber and I aint going back up there..all that compliments for what so he can bring me down..really..the next chick can take my thrown up there..im making my own and its not to high like his..mine is just right..his thrown had me falling for days..i still cant get up..im still fallen because of how high he placed me up there..all those damn compliments for what..a waste of my god damn time I tell ya..a waste of my god damn time

#27 Mar 21 - 6AM

Happy1

I was beside myself because I

I was beside myself because I wasn't myself AT ALL!! I was a crazy, jealous nut case because of my NARC. He made me so insecure and had me thinking that every woman wanted him! NOT!!! He played with my head so much I can't even explain everything he did. My head is still a jumble of thoughts of the past.

#28 Mar 21 - 6AM

Hunter

Behavior

What are you talking about? I stayed perfectly calm. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was a crazy woman, thats what happens, Then they can say," See you are crazy" Idealk

#29 Mar 21 - 10AM (Reply to #36)

IncognitoBurrito

Ideal!

I believe that's the very definition of "crazy-making!" ...hm, and ya don't wanna bring out the CRAZY... believe that. Haha!

#30 Mar 21 - 7AM (Reply to #35)

Steph

That is exactly what they

That is exactly what they do! Mess your head and emotions so much until you finally reach an emotional overload....and then like you say, they tell YOU you are the crazy one. Mind f'ckers!

#31 Mar 21 - 6AM

Susan32

"You're embarrassing yourself"

That's what the ex-Psych professor would be saying as he reduced me to tears in front of everyone&stayed stone-faced. In my junior year, tho I was dating (and OPEN about it-I didn't lie about it to him), I'd usually walk past the coffee shop to see if he was with someone. At one point, he was hanging out with professors who had been disciplined for romantic/sexual relationships with students. I'd be paranoid, looking into the coffee shop, seeing if he was with someone. After every weekend, I'd be asking him if he had gone with someone. During the final D&D, when I declared my love, the ex-P moved his seminar from classroom to classroom, claiming that I had come onto him sexually. I hadn't. Still, I persisted. I was so in need of closure- an explanation- that I pursued him. He probably enjoyed how ridiculous I looked pursuing him. The ex-P wanted to make sure I was humiliated on top of being rejected. As if being romantically rejected isn't sufficiently painful.

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