I told the other woman, your experiences please?

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#1 Jan 22 - 4AM
Katycat
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I told the other woman, your experiences please?

Hi everyone.

It's been a while since i've been on here. Last weekend everything blew up. He asked me to stay at his place while he went away for a few days. His phone bills were on the table and i read them. He has been seeing his ex and the other woman he met in August up until now. I called the numbers so i knew who they were and then i told him i uncovered his game and i would tell her. So he called and told her he was seeing me, then i texted and she called. I told her everything. She was really sorry that he had lied to both of us.

I told him i did it so he would hate me and finally let me go because he never can. He harasses and begs me for days every time i leave him. I couldn't handle it again. It's all lies, the i love you's, i want to marry you, have a family. He told her all the same things.

I honestly hope he will leave me alone forever but i have this sick feeling that i will eventually hear from him again. Not for a while as i have sent her screenshots of the texts he has been sending. I think he knows i'd send it to her. Have you told the other woman and broken his game before? What was your outcome???

Katy X

Jan 22 - 10AM
fallingfoward
fallingfoward's picture

Blew off

I confronted him with the other woman there. Wait, I was the other woman, but I didn't know. She was angry as I was, we compared notes, and figured out there was another woman. It didn't matter, she been with him 10 yeears, she chooses to be blind, she has known he cheated on her on and off for 10 years. Two days after the meeting, she texts me all kinds of nasty texts that I pursued him, stalked him, wouldn't let him go, that I was crazy. I tried at first to talk rationally with her, then I just ignored the texts. Changing my number now. She made a big deal about how he didn't want an older woman, he's 50, I'm 53 and she's 40. Personally, made me mad, when I go out I get hit on by 20 and 30 year old. (I an not a couger,lol) . When I met him, he told me he was tired of booty girls, wanted a serious, mature relationship. (lol, lies). The porn I found was with older woman, whatever!! Anyway, the other woman, didn't care. I have a part of me that felt sorry for her. Her self-esteem has to be super low to put up with that shit for 10 years. Her choice- to stay, My choice-to get the hell out.
Jan 22 - 9AM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

3 times I tried to leave and

3 times I tried to leave and each time the begging and promises was relentless...by the fourth time I had enough.... I had written a letter to the new supply as soon as i found out about her (4 days later) She denied knowing who I was...which was bullshit being that my clothes and stuff were still in his house when she spent the weekend there!!! I told her everything, ruined his game...but hey...these Narcs are good...Im sure he told her some bullshit story as he used to tell me....blowing smoke up my ass.....so she is still with him as far as i know...and I truely dont even care. I feel sorry for her because she is a stupid bitch for not listening to me.. I was a stupid bitch like her...someone planted the seed for me just like I planted the seed for her....she will wake up one day! If not....then she is in for a lifetime of prison.
Jan 22 - 9AM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

ow

Which one? The one before me already knew. She was all too happy that he had me for a distraction while she left for someone else. Thanks for the memories!
Jan 22 - 9AM
Isis
Isis's picture

It doesn't work

Katy, I've been trying indirectly to warn the other women and I can tell you, 99% of the times, it doesn't work. If they don't know about you, you have a slight chance they can hear you, but, if they're aware of you, don't waste your time. You never know what he has told them about you, so, if you contact them, generally the first thing they do is to warn him, you have contacted them. Of course, if they were clever, they would hear first what a woman has to say regarding the man they are involved with. However, the way the Narcs drag them into a relationship/affair (whatever you want to call it) makes them so brainwashed, they would not believe a word. They only believe you are a scorned woman. Only when the reality explodes under their noses, they will realize things. In some cases, those OWs know well they cheat and they don't bother. They just believe one day it will be their day and he'll change for them. Some of them have accepted the game. They know well he is seeing other women and they've learned to accept and tolerate the behaviour, otherwise they know well they'll be discarded too. So,telling the other woman (women)is like playing russian roulette. It may work, it may not. It all depends on their values, morals and way of conduct.
Jan 22 - 8AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

these

guys love the triangualtion play, it is like it is part of their football game play. My ex narc loved it when me and one of his now exwives were pitted against each other, I was so naive at the time, he was seeing me and still kept seeing his wife, they were separated, and i remember going by his house and saw her car parked in his driveway, I thought they were in the process of getting a divorce, it was not until she met another guy and asked the narc for a divorce.....
Jan 22 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He left his phone bill for

He left his phone bill for you to see.. Get it? You are playing his game just they way he planned.. So instead of him directly hurting both of you.. The two of you hurt each other by trading stories.. Now, by doing so, do you feel better? Does she feel better ? And all this Pain over some Assclown that doesnt give a shit about either one of you... A game for his own entertainment.. Point AGAIN..CONTACT = PAIN.. Side note: since I'm playing catch up.. WE ARE ALL the OW.. Hunter
Jan 22 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
fallingfoward
fallingfoward's picture

Hunter

You so right, Hunter. Wish I would had ask for advice before I jumped into that cesspool. I played right into, he knew I checked her facebook. The day before, they were at a auto show and had a pic taken there, she told me they're going to post it on facebook and he said that's fine. Boy, did I get played, he knew I would be mad and calling. Fucking asshole. 3 day no contact, I'm fighting and I'm fighting hard.
Jan 22 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

EXACTLY! Dont I know this

EXACTLY! Dont I know this game huh Hunter? I dont play anymore. AND THANK YOU for reiterating that we are all the OW at some point in these freaks timelines. I think there are some ladies on here that think just cause you were married to them that you were never the other woman. Trust when you met this freak you were the other woman to someone you may just not have known about it!
Jan 22 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

gettinbetter

THATS TRUE..... On my weddding day, a girl said hello to exh, then he turned to me and said oh I was going with her before I met you, I said i thought you were going with *name*..he said no that had finished before I met you?WTF.. I NO longer care how many women there has been , before me, during me, and after me......WHAT IS THE DIFFRENCE NOW..... ITS ABOUT WHAT THE NARCS DONE TO US....NOT ABOUT THE WOMEN THEY DONE IT WITH.... THE NARCS WERE WHO I WAS WITH....SO THEY ARE TO BLAME THEY ARE THE GUILTY PARTY!!
Jan 22 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

YEP Used. Exactly!

YEP Used. Exactly!
Jan 22 - 6AM
Emptyheart
Emptyheart's picture

Exactly the same for me!

I have recently done the same, only to come away with nothing and having given too much of my own information to her which she could use against me. I also knew what reaction to expect from him after speaking to her, if I was right. I know she was lying. I knew she would deny it, but I knew by the way she reacted and asked ME questions that I WAS right! I got to the point where I thought, I have nothing else to lose and if I can at least warn her, then I will have acheived something, and of course I wanted confirmation that all my gut feelings, his games, lies (really obvious ones)were right all along. I can honestly say I never wanted to hurt her,I actually feel sorry for her if she is going throught this as well. I've just been driven to the point where I'm crying out for actual REAL answers for confirmation that I am not going nuts! Do I regret doing it? thats a hard one! all I can do is sit and wait and see if any of it causes me further problems, worry about that as well as all the other stuff, but in reality,NO, she needed to know. This was a man who goaded me, pushed her at me, played cruel games,every single day, deliberately, all the time denying it, but all the time making it clearly obvious to me as well, he even started using some of the words she uses in MY texts!!. I ignored all those clear signs and deep gut instincts for so long,he had me where I daren't ask him, question him, even though it was all obvious to me, I didn't want to believe any of it, he was mine. What matters is that YOU KNOW, you just feel it when something is amiss and it can put you in a total state of not knowing who YOU ARE anymore. It is them that make us do these things becasue WE are human, we need to confirm to ourselves that we have the intelligence somewhere to realise that we are feeling threatened.
Jan 22 - 4AM
indenial
indenial's picture

I did exactly the same thing

Contacted his ex and told her about us because I felt he was lying to me and it would bring it all out in the Open and he would finally let me go. Long story but it didn't work. He discarded me went off for a week then came back and lied his way out of it. She never confirmed nor denied a thing so I still didn't know the truth so I believed him and had him back then once I had him back I found a photo of him on Facebook with his wedding ring on taken in the weekend he left me alone after I confronted his ex . What more evidence did I need that he was playing us both ! I have had 8 more months of hell that's all I know. What baffles me though is that she never wanted to speak to me after that. I gave her my number and said we need to talk and I've never heard a word so I still am none the wiser am I ? The only advice I can give is that you know he's lied. Don't make the mistake I did. No matter how hard he hoovers. Make him let you go. Otherwise you will just keep suffering more of this and it doesn't get better. It gets worse. Much worse