I think I may have been D&D'ed I'm not sure...

14 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Aug 27 - 4PM
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

I think I may have been D&D'ed I'm not sure...

Hi all. It's been a while, please give me some advice.

So my N needed my help and I have been helping him. He kind of tried to see if I was sexually interested in him-- but I am very proud of myself-- I did nothing and encouraged less!

He told me he's a sex addict (from his therapist, not self diagnosed) and that he "needs" sex.

I told him "not from me".

He then told me I'm not his type. He wants a more "model" type.

I said that's fine & lets just be friends.

He then only talked about his "women".

I asked him not to do this as I found it hurtful even though we're "just friends".

He said it shouldn't bother me.

He's slowly washed me out of his life.

He no longer needs my help and I wont have sex with him-- oh, and I'm not a "model type"--

and I have not heard from him.

I sent him an email telling him I kinda miss just being friends--

still silence.

Have I been D&D'ed?

Aug 27 - 11PM
driftingsister
driftingsister's picture

stay strong

Hey girl, Don't fall for it, like the previous posts these people can't be friends! Don't let him get to you. You are beyond this and him. I completely understand how you're feeling but honestly, in the long run you are MUCH better off without him. Surround yourself with people who are good to you, hobbies and things you enjoy doing. Go for a walk on a nice day with music? do whatever you can do to get away from this monster. I a day 24 of NC my exN, he has been harassing me and it has been the hardest thing to do to cut him out but once you distance yourself you honestly become empowered again and back to the old happy, independent self you were before they came along. You can do this hun :) be brave, look out for yourself, don't let him get to you. They are great with their words, my ex has been contacting me non-stop, I've only changed y number today and the police are involved but he has had a girlfriend for the past week yet sends me all these things saying he loves me and has never felt the way he has with e and hopes one day i will come back to him... it's all lies... you got to remember that. They are the best actors in the world! xx
Aug 27 - 8PM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

Here is the deal....You are

Here is the deal....You are correct, he has D&Ded you because he wanted sex with you (even though he said you weren't his type..that was only AFTER you said you weren't going to have sex with him) and you were not willing to have sex with him. It would have been better if he had simply come out and stated as such..but that isn't how the Narc works...they want YOU to magically want what they envision of you. Just remember....you did nothing to deserve the D&D...it's just that HE has a personality disorder and can't respond in a more mature way.
Aug 27 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

Thanks

I wish my heart would respond in a more mature way. I feel like a 16 yo who just got dumpped-- yet again.
Aug 27 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
TNR1
TNR1's picture

And there is a reason you

And there is a reason you feel this way...it's called Trama Bonding and unfortunately it is part of the process of being in a "relationship" with a Narc. Allow yourself to grieve and remember that you did nothing wrong...I know that it is very difficult to hear those words right now and believe them...but you need to repeat them over and over again. A Narc is a disordered individual and you deserve better!!!
Aug 27 - 6PM
juliamarie
juliamarie's picture

It seems so...

I think it's almost impossible to be "friends" with Narc's. They don't have the capacity because they are always looking for supply. And when they don't get what they want from you, they get nasty. There is a reason why you have to go NC with these types. They are toxic and destructive. I love that he threw in that he likes "model types'. Yeah...whatever. Think long and hard why you would want to be friends with someone who says these kinds of things. I know that if my girl friends were this disrespectful to me, I would be looking for new friends. Why we put up with this behavior from the men in our lives is beyond me. Love yourself enough to not want to be around this person. Sending you positive thoughts your way. You deserve better. Hugs!! JM
Aug 27 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

seriously!

He threw in the "model type" I think because he knows how self concious I am about my weight. Thanks for those thoughts... I need them!
Aug 27 - 4PM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

If you have

been devalued and discard consider, it a blessing, with these narcs you can never be friends,my exnarc had 5 failed relationships and once told me he never wants to be friends with any of the women, 'cause we all know what a nutcase he is, please let him go and concentrate on moving on and cleans the poison of him from your life!
Aug 27 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

I'm trying

working on it... thanks so much. I need the support right now. Michele warned me of this a long time ago. God how I wanted her to be wrong. Sorry.
Aug 27 - 4PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

It seems that way. But, I'm

It seems that way. But, I'm not sure of the surrounding details...were you guys broken up, and then he hoovered you back? And then you guys were going to 'just be' friends? I am sorry, I don't remember some of the details. Going with what I know, I'd say to not give one more inch of satisfaction to this jerk. He tells you he needs a 'model' type. Oh brother. These people never cease to amaze me. He reminds me very much of the jerk I dated last summer...who kept bugging me after we broke up, and wanted to be friends...and would use every opportunity to tell me about other women. Eventually I grew to not care, and a few months ago, he came back into my life. I thought we could truly be friends, beamoflight, but he showed his colors all over again. I just went NC, and have been now for a little over a month. Nice guy ...but very troubled. Definitely a narcissist. At the end of the day, you don't need junk like this in your life. He wants to have sex with you. You say no. Then, he has to insult you. Then, more insults to follow. Ugh, they all read from the same narc-manual. ''How to be an asshole 101.'' I would recommend just not replying, anymore. He will contact you again. They always do. ALWAYS. In some way or fashion. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know we care and I'll be prayin for ya. {{hugs}}
Aug 27 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

wow!

Well, the break up is it's own story but the body of yours matches mine. EXACTLY! Nice guy-- but a narcissist and that makes him do hurtful shit. That makes him NOT a nice guy. Such an awkward situation with him. So strange. Probably has another who will have sex with him & that's why I am on the "pay you no mind list" Still hurts though. Thanks so much.
Aug 27 - 4PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Yes

Yes
Aug 27 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
beamoflight
beamoflight's picture

yeah...

Thought so.
Aug 27 - 4PM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

Yes

Yes