I STILL believe he can change

Hope is very hard to give up on. It took alot for me,and i always used to avoid my friends when theyde start threatening my hope of things getting better with him. It is possible for people to change, and some might when they come to a true crisis? But at least try your best to get strong, and to get a full life and social circle outside of him. Im guessing you've done more than your part to make things work,and then some. Im happy to say, i did my best too,so i have no regrets with my ex. I think most times, it seems that people will not change unless they get miserable enough and find that their way is no longer working for them.

Today I met my exN/fiancee friend from college. They met in 1986. She and I met a yr ago when she found the posting I made on a cheaters website. She googled his name to find him to tell him her father died. Long history with them. While he and I was engaged, he contacted her in 2008 and told me she contacted him. IN his emails to her, he never said he was engaged but said he was thinking of moving back over the mountains. A month later, he walks out on me. So, he was planning his escape but checking to see if her marriage was still going on. He used her in the mid 1980's to the mid 1990's as his in between girl. She brough letter he wrote to her in 1987. They were friends and spent a lot of time together in 1986 in their freshman year of college. They fooled around but she was still a virgin. He met a girl and did the silent treatment and ignored her. Well, after a yr with that girl and as it was ending, he wrote to his ex-friend to apologize. He wrote this in his letter: "I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. You are the most sincere, kindest, giving, person I know." People, this is exactly what he told me in 2007 and 2008!!! Word for Word when he was trying to get me to buy his bullshit and crawl back. He at times would say to change things up: "I am sorry for the pain and dissappointment." Do they change? HELL NO! As this old friend of his said to me today, he is a sociopath and narcissist for sure. He has been perfecting his game for years. But, he recycles the same lines of bullshit to women. We compared stories of his past and he lied to all of us. He said the same thngs to us both. There were so many woman who believed him and probably still out there thinking it was their fault. It was something lacking in them (since he would put the blame on us women) as to why he didn't see them married or how he could stay in the relationship. THEY DO NOT CHANGE!!! They only find different angles to get what they want with the least amount of work possible. My new friend gave me this book to read, The Stranger Beside Me. Ann Rule wrote it about Ted Bundy. My friend said that the sociopathic traits and patterns in the book is how our guy was and still is. How frightening is that? He is similar to Ted Bundy!!!! She told me about his patterns starting from 1986...the same with me from 2006-2009! He repeated the same patterns with women from college. He was in college longer than 4 yrs because he could not figure out what he wanted to do. He would get excited about a goal, get bored, and change. He did this with cars and women. Once my friend told my exN in 2008 that she was happily married and had a little girl, he never contacted her again. She was no use to him anymore! She was no use when he found other girls and would stop seeing her or talking to her. Sometimes he had her hang out with the new gf and the new gf didn't know they were at once sexual. I even asked my exN if he ever slept with her and he said NO! He LIED! He knew I would see him as a player and a disgusting human being for doing that to women and not seeing anything wrong with it. You see, he knew he was doing things wrong but twisted it in his head so he didn't have to face it. He believed his own lies. Isn't it true that if you believe your lies, it is the truth? When they were still friends in 2000, she was engaged and invited him to her wedding. He never showed up, never called, wrote, sent a card...to a "dear friend"...someone he slept with and she gave up her virginity to him (finally after him manipulating her), and known for 14 yrs!!! Who does this to a "friend"? Someone that is a Narc and sociopath. As we talked today we agreed his patterns and character is too engrained and there is no possibility of change. He changes his angles on women. He finds out what is important to you, what your weaknesses are and mirrors you. It may look like change but it is all a game. When I read the letters today, I saw the patterns. I felt absolutely nothing! Yay! No emotions came up because i know he is a sick fother mucker and do not want someone in my life who uses people, destroys them and walks away with no empathy or conscious.

I used to think the ex-Psych prof capable of change. He painted me as some angel who would "inspire him to live a better life." He would idealize me as some St. Monica whose tears would lead him to his conversion, or being like the spirited Natasha who becomes completely subservient to Pierre, leading him to become a family man rather than going to the brothels. During the final D&D, he blamed all of his behavior on ME. I saw him get worse over 4 years... and I speak as a student, not as an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. He's still obsessed with "War and Peace" (he was obsessed with it before I met him)... so I'm not expecting change on his part. He's a tenured toddler. Physically, he's a man pushing 50;mentally, he's the same age as my nephew...who's nearly 2. Over the hill, but still in the cradle.

Does he have this? I look at how hard it is for me to change something small in me- like I have tried for 10 years to wake up earlier- and I can't master it... I have anxiety and obsessive thinking- and I have been in therapy for several years over it- being very open, humble, inquisitive about what it takes to change this wounding in me. Does he have this? NO ONE CHANGES without deep willingness to look at themselves with total gut wrenching honesty...Does he have this?

Read OUR collective lips, NEVER,NEVER and guess what NEVER, mine had 5 failed relationships, I was #5, 3 of them were marriages, how much of a track record do you need and you do not even have to have that many failures under your belt. thinking that keeps you stuck, when i let go of that belief, I was free to live my life and actually feel sorrow and sadness for the man, because he is simply EXISTING... as a fake persona I might add......... hope this helps.