I sometimes wonder what if I had stayed with Him?

Wow...you really think he may have tried to bump you off to get sole custody of the house? Lord, you are so lucky to be out of there! I feel for you with your move and the no friends. It took me a while to make friends where I am presently living but I did end up finding some simpatico individuals. Take care! ER

I think we may have found you on CNN being pulled out of a dumpster with a sheet over your head! Can you say "Scott Peterson" Hunter

I think what you've done is a very brave thing - to leave a place you're familiar with and try to start again someplace new. And it does get harder and we get older. I've thought the same things, esp after seeing the N the other day. I thought, you know, I really loved him wholly and and could have dealt with all of it, if only I could trust he wouldn't leave again. And there's no way that's possible. We all know that eventually, they all do, right?! (Or put us in a situation where we have to!) I think you're doing an amazing job of trying to get acclimated. I can't imagine how lonely it must be, esp after going through an N experience. I sometimes feel I'm alone in my world and it's the same one I've been living in for almost 20yrs! Sometimes it doesn't seem as though the people in it matter because they don't understand what I've been through or really want to hear about it any more anyway. You will get through it. Remember the FACTS of what they are. You would have suffered tremendously at some point in time. Financially, it sounds like you might have been better off in the short term. Long term, who knows?! But, you can't put a price on your sanity. Poor and stable beats a well-off, hot mess any day!!!

Though it's difficult to say what he might have done I am certain you would be in a much worse state than you are now. I wanted to read your story, but I cannot find it - where have all the stories gone? I remember some of it from last year when I came here (did another round with N in the meantime)and it seems to me you have grown quite wise about it all. Imagine what it would be like living with him now that he's retired. He would be there all the time. You would not enjoy being better off, you would never feel safe with him. Anyway, what good are the advantages they may offer us, when they come at such a high price? You would be unhappy. I understand how difficult it is for you to create a new life for yourself. It does become more difficult to make friends when we grow older. With jobs it's the same. My situation is a bit different, because I have my dear husband, who is like my best friend, and a few acquaintances here. We'd only just moved to this country before I met the N. I knew a lot of people through him and had to leave them behind. My old friends are 1000 miles away. Since you have also moved it will take time for everything to work out. Try to be patient and persist with your efforts. Hopefully you have some interests you do not need others to share with? Wishing for good things to come your way and remember you have achieved a lot - you are free.