I so want to break LC. I am consumed with inner conversation.

I am consumed with wanting to respond to recent contact with my mother.
I have established LC with her in the past because....
my ex-husband uses her for childcare of my child.

My mother and ex-husband used me like a ping-pong ball to play with all during my marriage.
My mother has badmouthed me my entire life (starting during puberty) -- I just didn't know it, see it, acknowledge it until after I left my psychopath ex-husband and the truth slapped me in the face. Vicious gossip. Pulling the rug out from underneath me. Isolation tactics.

Despite the fact that she 'hated' him and his ENTIRE FAMILY while I was married to him...
Despite the fact that he threatened her life, and she threatened his....
They are snuggled up together now and just delight in messing with ME.
Oh, I'm SOOOOO much fun to mess with.

I am clear that extreme LC with my ex-husband is necessary, and I am vigilant about maintaining it. I have to be in contact with him, legally.

I am NOT required to have any relationship with my mother.

I am consumed with the urge to respond to her latest email poke.
She is so crazy and mean. Vicious. Manipulative.

I haven't responded. I'm just stewing.
I blocked her email address a couple of days ago, with the intention of keeping it blocked.

This is an ongoing pattern where every few months she'll send me a pointless email poke, and it LIVES IN MY HEART AND MIND for MONTHS until I respond. THEN I have relief. After I respond, I feel relief. I FEEL NO RELIEF RIGHT NOW.

I avoid all other contact with her.

HELP. Suffering.