1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. I said no fucking contact

I said no fucking contact

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 27 - 10AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

I said no fucking contact

I have been wavering around nc. We have children and I have been nc for over 3 months, nearly 4.

He is pushing for contact and writing letters etc. Friends think I've proved a point and should have contact now.

I am still wounded. Got in touch with pain and betrayal around ow today. I am healing but it can still take my breath away.

I am calmer nc. Contact is a maze of lies and confusion and churning resentful feelings.

I do not need to argue anymore. He will not admit or acknowledge what he has done and I spent years trying to get him to see what a bastard he was being.

No more arguments, no more begging, persuading, explaining, nagging, crying, etc

No fucking contact.

Maybe in the future we will need to around he children

But not yet

Not today

No contact

Nov 28 - 1AM
ekat
ekat's picture

At first, NC was

At first, NC was excruciating, and I was just numb with the pain of it. I am still very sad, but I too am no longer confused, feel so calm, so serene. A friend asked me whether I was going to try with him again. And that's when I realised, no. No way I will put myself through one more day of his crazy behaviour. No way I will let myself be put down again.
Nov 27 - 10PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Bump

I just wanted to bump this post, for inspiration.
Nov 27 - 2PM
Alissa
Alissa's picture

LOVE LOVE LOVE the title of

LOVE LOVE LOVE the title of your post!!! indeed: NFC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) Hugs to you
Nov 27 - 2PM
icancnow
icancnow's picture

Most ppl do not understand

Most ppl do not understand the insanity these psychos bring to our lives. Many will say we r over exaggerating while others may see right thru these crazy making behaviors and have our backs completely. My friends n fam once thought i was being unfair n making too much of my situation. But once i stopped xaring what they thought and they began to see the positive affects nc has had on me ...... needless to say..... they r all now chanting " eff that asshole" !!!! Do whats good for you . Your babies need a healthy mommy not one cobtroled by drama. If theres a will theres a way....and nc is the way! Good luck
Nov 27 - 1PM
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Jelickuk

I went NC over a year ago and we have a child together. Some people in my circle thought that I was being overly dramatic with the NC. They do not understand. My life depends on NC. I will not break it for anyone. I will not co-parent with a psycho! You are doing the right thing for you. Keep it up and stay NC> Peace!

victimnomore

Nov 27 - 11AM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

High fives to you!! No

High fives to you!! No contact. It's so essential to your healing and recovery. He is pushing for contact and writing letters etc. Friends think I've proved a point and should have contact now. He is pushing for contact because narcs are all about control. He's angry that he can no longer control you. Therefore, he wants to suck you back into his realm any way he can, so that he can dominate again. It has nothing to do with missing you or wanting to be "friends". It is all about his anger because he's NOT getting his baby way. This is none of the friends' business. This was YOUR relationship and it is YOUR choice to go NC. You lived through the Hell of a narc. THEY didn't. They are not in control. YOU are. These people need to butt out of your decisions. The message they ALL need to understand is that you have NO relationship with the narc any longer. It's OVER. You do not want contact with the narc. It really doesn't matter what anyone else either wants or thinks. If the narc wanted to be "friends" with you so badly, he should have done it while he had the chance. He could have chosen to truly be your friend while he was with you. However, he didn't. He chose to be self-centered and treat you badly. He blew it. He is now NOTHING in your future at all. You have no obligation to have any contact with him, ever. You're moving on with your life and the narc is not any part of it. Neither the narc or your friends have any vote in the matter. This is about YOU. In addition, if your friends cannot accept that this is your choice forever, then they're not really being your friends. Maybe THEY need to move on. No contact is not about about making any point to the narc (no matter what the friends think). It's about protecting yourself, loving yourself, and removing a toxic person from your life. No contact is your decision, not theirs, whether anyone else agrees or not. You are doing what is right for YOU staying NC. You go girl! Huge hugs.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Nov 27 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
empath
empath's picture

what she said!

Amen, mystwoman!
Nov 27 - 11AM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Oh, I love how the title

Oh, I love how the title sounds :)
Nov 27 - 10AM
Swan
Swan's picture

Jelickuk

Stick to your guns. Other people just don't understand how important NC is. So...NFC!!!!! lol
Nov 27 - 10AM
Redhead
Redhead's picture

Jelickuk

You are definitely on the right track. People do not understand PD unless they have been through the trauma themselves. This is about YOU now, and what you must do to heal. He may be manipulating these other people too. They need to respect your wishes for NC.
Nov 27 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

I have to stay nc. I am too

I have to stay nc. I am too scared I will succumb to his hoovering if I don't...then I will be truly lost
Nov 27 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

There is nothing wrong with

There is nothing wrong with nc with a co-parent narc. The important thing is that we take back our lives. We don't need anyone else to tell us what should or shouldn't be appropriate in these situations. Just because these relationships are over does not mean we cannot be triggered, or try to continue to get closure or understanding. On some level even conversation is a transaction, with both parties getting something out of the exchange. If both parties enjoy it, that is great. If either party feels conflict, or distrust, or anything negative or destructive, that is a problem. Good solutions solve the problem at hand. NC works to keep the problem away. What can be discussed or worked out with a compulsive liar? When manipulating and self centeredness are the natural state of a person, what can be solved or discussed rationally? I have tried with the exwn, and it just doesn't work for me. And that is all I need to know. No one else truly cares whether we talk or not. But I care. I like the way I feel the longer I go no contact. My psyche gets better and better, and without the confusion and chaos of the input from her I find that my life and attitude is improved. Not wanting to hear from her or about her is indifference...and that was a big goal through all of this. The lies and deceptions and pretending that they are ok and normal, none of that will change! And I don't need any more lessons to get that. And I don't need contact with people who get off on rattling my cage. The narc can't push a button if I don't make it available. The fact that I may still have buttons doesn't mean that anything is wrong with me. I stay away from negative people on purpose, and I have no attraction to them. I prefer calm breathing over suffocation, and the suffocation of the soul and spirit is a common denominator of these types of people. Regarding required contact due to shared custody, occasional verbal communication would make some things easier, but adding it all up and putting it on a scale, no contact is the best solution for me. Minor inconveniences from time to time are far outweighed by my right to have separation from the verbal nonsense and verbal manipulation. ds