Like I never was! like I don't matter!

This is still so new...so fresh for you...these thoughts of, "how can he be like this?" will be with you for a while,..until the shock wears off...and that just takes time... Through therapy...this forum...educating yourself about this horrible being....will all help in time... This is where patience comes into play... In the mean time...come here and feel free to vent...read Lisa s book....begin doing the steps.... We are all here..and we are rootin for ya!!! xoxo

Ditto to what everyone here said. You're trying to reason with the man you thought he was.

If they marry you they expect YOU to make it work. You are expected to make ALL of the concessions and if their bad behaviors cause YOU to emotionally or physically withdraw, then it becomes YOUR fault. Narcs have black and white thinking. Either you are WITH them and you allow them to do as they please, OR you have needs of your own and YOU expect them to act their age not their shoe size. He is acting in typical Narc fashion, YOU have expectations and he does not want to lose control over you and since you are not under his thumb anymore he is going to discard you and give you the cold shoulder, ST, and whatever else he has in mind to bust your chops. They don't play nice and they sure as heck do not end things nicely. That just does not happen with a narc. Welcome to the forum and keep sharing your feelings and read as much as you can about the disorder so you begin to understand that this is not your fault; he is acting like a child in all of this becuase this is what they do, they cannot handle normal human life situations as adults. They don't function in that way. God bless, Goldie

Dear newlifeway, he's a N, no one is of importance to a N, only supply is vital, he cannot love, he cannot care - he feels nothing. BUT, you haven't lost everything. The past is the past - we can do nothing to change it. Where you go from now is up to you. You've gained yourself, freedom, and the opportunity to take control of and direct your new life - no one else at the helm any more. You have your children to cherish, love, and enjoy being with, new interests/people to look forward to. You've gained sanity, peace will come soon, you are free and starting on a new and exciting journey. You have lost chaos, uncertainty, darkness, a living hell and gained the world.

NewLife...I can so feel your pain in your post. Sorry you are hurting... Just curious...are you journaling...It helps a lot, truly. I didn't see "YOUR STORY" or "GOODBYE LETTER". If you can take a moment and write these out it is very helpful even if you don't post them. If you need a "mini-break" from the sadness, and you get stuck trying to write a goodbye letter....please read Peaches' version....OMG...It made me laugh. Very blunt and to the point. Hoping your day gets better. Hug those precious children and you'll get a taste of just how much YOU REALLY DO MATTER! -fefe

None of us on here mattered and no one they move on to will matter only they matter to them , .....

It's him that never was...he is the charlatan, the jig is up, and there is nothing left for a charlatan to do in these circumstances, but deflect blame and move on to less suspecting victims. It is such a harsh reality because, for awhile, they put every ounce of energy into tricking us. It all feels so real...a healthy person would not suspect anything different. But they are different, we were duped...intentionally tricked, by an interspecies predator (thank you Thomas Sheridan for the descriptor :-), to give exactly what it wanted, for as long as it wanted. In reality, the only thing we really lose when they walk away is the soul siphoning bane of our existence...but it takes some time to work through all the illusions to recognize the blessing. Love, Lynn

This is the MOST terrible part----to realize that we NEVER MATTERED ! WE WERE INVISIBLE ! It was all about him. It is SO hard to digest because we are NOT like that at ALL ! Then we must step back and get rid of all of our illusions and face it. It's damn hard. WE NEVER MATTERED. BUT that had NOTHING to DO with US. It was HIM !! It's HIS Lack. Blessings. StarLight

They lack empathy. Narcs are pretty horrendous in their behaviours and actions. I'm sorry for what you are going through. When they D&D it really does hurt. It really is like you never mattered. but NLA, just let it all out and cry. He didn't deserve you. I understand the discard that you are going through is horrible. I remeber the night exnbf discarded me i was SHOCKED and suicidal. the callous discard and I absolutely did nothing to him. Let the shock settle in but keep on reading about NPD, i just read read and read and try to wrap my head around it all. In that way you will not take the discard so personal. They are pretty messed up people and really they lack capacity to feel for anyone else's feeling. It is shocking isnt that he would turn the blame on you? oh gosh how I remember this all to well. I was flabbergasted as well. They are SICK. you are human they don't think like we do.

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Please know you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I don't have any great words of wisdom as I have told you before I always am speechless to your situation. All I can do is continue to pray for strength for you. BIG HUGS!

aches for you. Dear girl what you have been through is horrendous. It hurts like hell but I am here to tell you I am glad you will be free of a life with this pedophile freak. You will be glad one day, too. Newlife, dearheart, just for today I'd like you to try not to think about getting any validation/answers/information/whatnot from him. Every time you reach out to him to ask him why and how he could do this, you put your hand (and heart) into the fires of hell. He reacts to you this way because HE MUST IN ORDER TO JUSTIFY HIS BEHAVIOR. You must accept this as the truth and that it HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU. IT IS ALL ABOUT HIM AND HOW HE HAS TO BE IN ORDER TO 'FEEL OKAY' WITH WHAT HE'S DONE...which is basically to take sexual and emotional advantage of a teenager who doesn't know anything about life. Newlife, this guy's got it coming at him from her parents, too. He is on the defense BECAUSE HE MUST BE IN ORDER TO NOT DEAL WITH THE TRUTH. So from this moment forward please please please do not look to him to give you anything. Communicate via e-mail about visitation with your kids, or better yet through your attorney. You have all the power here as far as the courts are concerned. USE THAT POWER if it will make you feel better. HE HAS ABANDONED YOU and your family and moved in with an 18 year old. A judge will not look favorably on that. In the meantime, DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY AMMUNITION to use against you by calling, raging, venting, etc etc. Please just vent here. Call a good, trusted girlfriend or pastor or someone you can vent to. Get it out, new way, but get it out here or elsewhere where it's safe. YOU WILL ONLY CONTINUE TO HARM YOURSELF IF YOU CONTINUE TO CONTACT HIM. Don't let him hurt you any more. Don't give him the opportunity or the power to do so. Don't contact him again, please. Try with all your might to focus on what you do have: your beautiful kids and your integrity and dignity. You have a lot of POWER in this situation as well. Don't give any more of it away to someone who is clearly not thinking straight anyhow. Steer clear of this manipulative, unstable loser. Don't make it easy for him to hurt you. There are consequences to his choices, and one of them is he will NEVER know you in any intimate way, shape or form again. NO MORE SHARING OR QUESTIONING with him, please. I hope this helps and I send you a big cyber hug. Sincerely, (not) spinning. BUT TOTALLY WISHING I COULD SEND THIS ABUSIVE PEDOPHILE SPINNING OFF THE ENTIRE FACE OF THE EARTH