i know this sounds so stupid, but...

You didn't get a fair start as a child if your dad was abusive. Therefore, you stuck to what you were used to or what was modeled to you growing up. Maybe you've followed the trend of abusive relationships, possibly in an unconscious effort to resolve your relationship with your father or to somehow earn his approval; which of course, you will never get because he was emotionally unavailable. It's something like repetition compulsion. With enough abuse in our history, we get numb and our brains no longer react like a normal brain. We go on to tolerate more and more abuse. Abusers have radar and they can frequently tell who has been previously abused. I'm glad you're seeking therapy to help you work through this. Hypnotherapy and EMDR might be other options to explore. You probably have PTSD which takes time to undo. Please don't beat yourself up...love yourself by showing yourself some compassion and forgiveness. Focus on you and realize there's nothing external that can make you whole, including a partner.

Yes, you are on that path and you need to stop dating until you seek therapy, heal from the horrific things you experienced and hopefully you will want better for yourself when it comes to your next relationship. It is totally up to you, and only you, to do the work. Good luck and stay strong!

I dont know if your exbf was a rebound or not...but my mistake came from going from relationship to relationship and not allowing time for me to heal from the first...then the snowball affect happens and the men get worse and worse, because I become less stable and secure in my own skin....It's damage done over and over again....like a bruised bone where the bruise doesnt go away..gets beaten on over and over again....becomes worse...and finally breaks....I BROKE this time!!! I need time alone now to heal and get myself back together again! If Im not healed...Im only going to break again...and I NEVER want to break again:( xoxo

The N that brought me to this forum was by far the sickest and most disordered of the abusers I've been in a relationship with, and this has been the hardest one to break free from....and we were never even in a so called "committed" boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I can't seem to figure that out....but this has been the hardest one yet for me to kick, and he is the most twisted, so, there ya go.

i think how a woman caries herself and values herself plays a big part in the type of man she chooses or ends up with. not trying to be judgemental but i come from a background of abuse and abandonment too. ive put up witht traits and situations in men that were unacceptable and get the feeling you may have done the same? perhaps the abuse tolerance level builds as situations escalate. you become accustom to it and are therefore willing to put up with a little more..initially demeaning words, then threats of violence, you get the idea.. therapy is a great step and congratulations on your strength in pursuing that! theres probably a wound or two that needs to be examined and completely healed..at that time you will have the strength to accept ONLY a man who values and appreciates you..one who will never hurt you. best of luck :)

Hey Dee...i don't think it sounds like a silly worry at all. I am pretty much with you on this one. Excpet: Dad was inappropriate sexually. I was his doll when i was little. He would take me everywhere. I was never allowed to have friends over or a boyfriend. I hated my body, my face everything about me. Apparently in reality i am attractive. I have a very athletic body etc, but i will not be naked in front of anyone. Not a good start is it. I married a man who cheated on me early in our relationship. I stayed with him because I thought I wouldn't find anyone else. We have been married 15 years. He never even notices if I am there or not..doesn't listen to me when I say anything. I have always been the 'baby' of the family, the useless one, the idiot...cannot tell u how many times i've been called that by my family. Anyways there was no passion. Not a drop. Have not been intimate with him or vice versa for years. I put all my energy into the children, my job and also keeping our house beautifully. Along comes M out of the blue (he fits the traits of a psychopath/narcissist to a T. I have NEVER felt so strongly about another human being. Full stop. I was a runaway train. I told my husband all of it icluding how I have never loved anyone like I love M. It was very hurtful and confronting but I had to tell the truth. The biggest hurdle for me now, as it is for you, is that i WANT M so much it hurts but i KNOW he will kill me. So this makes me an addict of some description, right? I brought about the ST and NC myself because I knew i was drowning in him. I asked ppl for help. They just looked at me strangely. I brought about my demise by telling his wife what he was doing. I knew I was going to be blamed by everyone...but i still did it. I took the consequences from both families aswell as professionally and I also sacrificed my lifestyle to tell the truth. Firstly to myself and then to those around me. Even my children know I am still stuck on this person. I told them because of smething inside my head caused by my upbringing I have this absolute addiction to a person who is damaging and toxic to me. They see me seeking help. They see me cry everyday. They see how much i love them because I chose them over this man who I so desperately want to be with. So as you can see, I have big issues to work through. Work through them too...we can compare notes along the way. I still want this guy so badly but i force myself to stay away and I also know that for me to delve back into ANY relationship whilst I am still in this state would speel disaster for myself and my children. You are not alone xx