I know I should have seen this coming

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#1 Aug 6 - 9PM
prettypeeved
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I know I should have seen this coming

Over the last couple of years I've made a long-distance friend who I see occasionally, and in fact I met up with him only a few weeks ago.

And last night I noticed (on the social website we're all on) that he had spent some time with The Ice Queen of Narcnia. I do recall that Narc Boy had mentioned that he knew this guy but I'd seen no real evidence of any deep friendship, and I suppose when all is said and done, it still doesn't look like a deep friendship but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.

I don't want this friend ending up as some unwitting stool pigeon and I spent a certain amount of time feeling very angry about it all. I know I'm not justified in feeling angry that this guy can't see Narc Boy for what he really is, because I didn't see Narc Boy for what he really is myself. It wouldn't be fair to expect that. And I know if I tell him what's happened, it'll either lead to more dealings with Narc Boy when he gets pissed off that I've wrecked his friendship, or this friend will see it as none of his concern, or worse he'll think I'M the one with the problem.

I suppose it's the first time I've seen a friendship affected by the "shadow of the narc" and it's left me feeling disconcerted.

Aug 8 - 9AM
Hunter
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PP

You crack me up! I wouldjust tell this guy things didn't work out between both of you! Say be careful and if he ever needs to talk you are available! Let the subtle hint stick, he won't listen other wise! Hunter
Aug 8 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
prettypeeved
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I don't think Narc Boy's even

I don't think Narc Boy's even mentioned me, and I certainly haven't mentioned him. And this friend is married too...but I see some signs that look suspiciously like Narc Boy is sinking his claws in and preparing the ground for a new victim.
Aug 8 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
Hunter
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PP

I know it's frustrating !! But you can't help! :(
Aug 8 - 9AM
prettypeeved
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Urgh. Said friend just listed

Urgh. Said friend just listed a number of guys he considers sexy. Lo and behold he listed me...then Narc Boy right after me. It makes me feel so unclean. Urgh. Please don't let him be comparing me to that...that THING.
Aug 7 - 7PM
gettingoveritagain
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It won't go the way you want it to

most likely the friend will think you are a psycho ex and that is exactly how you will be portrayed by your ex to him I can pretty much guarantee...Narc's are such great actors!!and those who haven't experienced them truly will not understand where you are coming from..whenever I attempt to discuss my situation with people who don't know first hand all I do is feel like an idiot and as if they are judging me as crazy for being with someone like that..I am so grateful for this forum right now. But don't worry your ex could probably give a crap about this "friendship" he will care more that you are talking about him, which in my experience only leads to retaliation..don't bother :)
Aug 7 - 3AM
Lobo555
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Friends of the Narc

That's a tough situation. I have mutual friends that I've had to stay away from because they're all wrapped up in CharlieSheenWinning. You have to be SO careful of what you say! I always tell myself if I run into a mutual friend, "Anything you say can and WILL be used against you!" The mutual friends truly don't get it and nothing you can say will change their minds. As you said, they'll think *you* are the one with the problem. You just have to keep anything you say about Ice Queen very neutral. Don't get sucked into a conversation about him because most likely it's a friend acting as his proxy. I had this happen a few times and absolutely refused to engage. Like Teddy Roosevelt said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick!"
Aug 6 - 10PM
greengirl91
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If your long distance friend

If your long distance friend is a new aquintance of the Narc boy, then it`s obvious, can`t fully understand the sort of damage these people do..you know, my ex N has a gang of palls and ass kissers, guys who admire him, or look to him like a pimp, because he screws women, par me, he screws LIFE! and gets away with it! He`s the quickest road to hell, but they don`t see it, sometimes society doesn`t see this. They make movies about serial killers, or egocentric assholes, who do nothing for anyone but themselfs.. So, don`t beat yourself up, some people genuinely fall for The Mask, like we did too. Some, in the case of ex N, know EXACTLY what this fellow does, and not only approve it, but they try to be his "extended arms", spy me on social network site, and then give him the raport. I personally didn`t wish to reach this level, to hide myself and my life from some common "friends". But he doesn`t stop, he forced me into this. He wants to see how far he can push my limits. Well, news to him, this kitty has claws. And I`m sick of his mess, I don`t need it. It`s like a stupid theatre play, by the same director, and with the same twists and endings..I QUIT!
Aug 7 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
gettingoveritagain
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Good for you

Good for you green girl that's just the kinda talk I needed to hear :)