I just had a great weekend!!!!!!! but.....

14 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 14 - 5PM

rainbow1

I just had a great weekend!!!!!!! but.....

This weekend I went away with my bestfriend. We had a wonderful time. We were supposed to be meeting up with some of my x-n's friends, but I decided not to. I wanted a few days that I could not hear his name, not have to talk about him, not be asked about him, etc. The place we went also didnt have service so that was nice! I finally had a few days without him in my life! It felt great! I felt like myself again for the first time in awhile. BUT.... when I got back and had service again I had a text from him saying "what is it". I dont know what thay means and really didnt care or respond. And then I get a text from his dad asking if I had spoken with him. I said no but couldnt help asking why. His dad said that he can not get ahold of him and was worried about him. Also said he was supposed to show up at his house yesterday and never did. He went on about how he thinks that he failed him as a dad and is so sad and mad at himself for letting his son be so irresponsible (honestly I blame the mother more than him!). I felt really bad for him. It is sad to hear my x-n's father talking like this. After this conversation my room mate comes home and immediately runs to me and asks if my x-n was just at our house. I said no and asked why. She said that she swears that she just saw him on our side road and would bet money on it being him. The only thing is that the truck he was driving as a tool box and his does not. I am hoping that it wasnt him but I am not sure. It is just weird that his dad cant find him or get ahold of him and then my room mate thinks she sees him on my road. I am not sure what to think or do. I just want to go back on my trip and have no service again!!!!!

#2 Jun 14 - 10PM

enoughalready

issues

Your XN's family has some major issues. You truly need to go NC w/ him and his family for your mental and emotional stability. They are not your responsibility. Please take care of yourself first-NC. When u were away for a few days of NC, it felt great- that feeling is down the road after a few months or so of NC. I felt exactly the same way when I went on vacation for a week-no cell reception and I didn't want to come back either. That was a huge sign to me that I could live my life without him.

#3 Jun 14 - 6PM

Lisa E. Scott

Rainbow

Betteroff is right. The whole family sounds unbelievably manipulative. Stay clear and maintain No Contact. He doesn't deserve you!

#4 Jun 14 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

rainbow1

Lisa

I could see how it could come off as manipulative, but do you think we could be looking at this wrong? I know that he is a pretty lonely guy (his wife pays no attention to him and he doesnt have any real friends). Maybe he is just lonely and I am one of the only people that will listen. He has wanted me and his son back together but is supportive when I told him that I am not talking to his son anymore. He and the kids have just told me many times that they dont want to loose me just because my x-n wants nothing to do with me.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#5 Jun 14 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

better off

Rainbow, this is how N's get

Rainbow, this is how N's get to you and manipulate you... because of your empathy and compassion. Now is the time to apply that compassion to yourself. All I hear from this is that his family members care more about you making THEM feel better, and their own feelings, than they do about yours. This man apparently wants you to feel sorry for him and his loneliness and marriage, and having no friends (why is that??), and is emotionally using you because you will listen. They should respect that you need to have space to recover from this relationship. Can you look at it that way, as needing space from all of it while you are healing? You need to put your needs first and not feel guilty about it. Are you seeing a therapist yet? I think it's possible the reason you are letting them hang on to you is out of guilt as much as compassion for them, that it would be wrong of you to let THEM down, instead of looking out for yourself. There is nothing wrong with you taking care of yourself, especially after what you have been through.

#6 Jun 15 - 12AM (Reply to #11)

rainbow1

Are you guys saying that his

Are you guys saying that his father might also be an N or that he is using his dad to get to me? I guess I am confused.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#7 Jun 15 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

better off

Being around them is what

Being around them is what will be confusing. I don't know if his father is an N, or what your N is doing, I just see that they are all an enmeshed family with no appropriate boundaries, and that you need to be apart from anything to do with the N to get over him. Listening to his family's woes about him is not going to help you. It's still a form of contact if they are talking about him to you, and telling you they are worried about him, and asking if you know where he is.. thereby getting YOU worried about him. You've got to extract yourself from this drama. If they cared about you, they would let you move on.

#8 Jun 14 - 11PM (Reply to #10)

better off

lack of boundaries

This interaction with his father shows HIS lack of appropriate boundaries, and you accepting it because you "feel bad for" the guy. Again, your exboyfriend's dad shouldn't be confiding in you and leaning on you because you're "the only one who will listen."

#9 Jun 14 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

Lisa E. Scott

rainbow

It sounds manipulative to me. My gut tells me you should stay away!

#10 Jun 14 - 5PM

better off

Oh please, it sounds like

Oh please, it sounds like his dad is as big of a manipulator as he is. Why in the heck is he troubling his son's ex-girlfriend with things like that? Keep no contact with all of them!

#11 Jun 14 - 5PM (Reply to #4)

rainbow1

I was and still am really

I was and still am really close to his family. While I understand that this is not normal I still feel bad for him. I know that I probably should go no contact with all of them, but it is very hard. His little sister is having a really hard time right now and doesnt really have a mother to talk to about it. She has older sisters but she says I am the only one that she can trust to come to with her problems. I dont want to just abandon her you know?

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#12 Jun 14 - 6PM (Reply to #5)

AnotherPath

His family is just that,

His family is just that, his, nothing to do with you now. If you don't go NC with his family the drama of him is always going to be there. You're still in the drama if you don't let go of his family, and you won't be letting go of him.

Ending the dance

#13 Jun 14 - 5PM

AnotherPath

There doesn't seem much to

There doesn't seem much to do or think. He's probably out getting new supply. Let him rot he's not your problem anymore.

Ending the dance

#14 Jun 14 - 7PM (Reply to #2)

smileyfacepr

U must

go NC w/everyone that has to do w/him..just talk to his sis and expalin its to hard for u right now. NC is crucial for this recovery!!And yes his family sounds very manipulative!! We r here for u!!

smileyfacepr

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