I said the same thing a few weeks ago. I broke no contact and simply tried to make another attempt to make peace, even apologized for any part I played that made the situation go wrong, and of course he ignored me and has never given me closure on anything, just cut me off like I was a piece of lent on his clothes back in March and has made no attempt to even say one word to me.
Like everyone else told me, your not an idiot, you are a person with true heart felt feelings.
I did the same thing this morning.
Last night he brought my things to work and met me in the parking lot. I stayed outside a few minutes alone after he left to get a grip on myself. Later, during our meeting after lunch I sat on the counter and he walked over and sat next to me. He offered me some chips that he was eating. I declined and left the meeting without saying anymore more to him.
I got home this morning and found that a great friend of mine wrote me an incredible email last night while I was at work, thanking me for saving his life. We had been lovers for about 3 years and he was very self destructive and has grown so much since then because of what I had done for him. I had always known there was a wonderful person inside or I would have never stayed with him as long as I did.
This letter to me was so beautiful and made me cry. I hit the forward button and sent it to my ex N. I added one simple line to to the top of it.
"Your loss!"
After I did it, I realized that he won't care. He won't even acknowledge that he got IF he even chooses to read it. I feel like a fool for even trying to get to him. Why do we even care knowing full well our N does not?
Of course he hasn't replied to the email. I'm sure to pay for it at work tonight though. :(
6 DAYS IN.........DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. YOU BROKE NC, WE ALL DO IN THE BEGINNING..........JUST TRY REALLY HARD NOT TO AGAIN.
YOUR NOT AN IDIOT.
YOU WILL FEEL SAD, FOR SURE, BUT NOT ALWAYS. GOOD LUCK! STAY ON TRACK HERE.
TRY TO SMILE, JUST A BIT...... :)
It happens.
Tell yourself it's ok. Learn from it and do your best to block him. It is hard to take that final step and actually block, but it is such relief to finally not be checking for his texts or emails and not getting anymore mind games. You have to mourn the loss and detach. there is no way being in contact with him can help that progress. You will go through withdrawal, but once you break through, there is a happy, stronger you.
Sometimes we let it get so bad until enough is finally enough. As hard as it is to let go and block him from being able to contact you, it really is best to. Delete his email and phone number even if you have them memorized. Put notes on the phone and computer saying, "Don't contact him !!!" if you have to. I changed the narc's name in my phone to A$$hole in case I was ever tempted to scroll to him. When you feel tempted to break NC, write about why. Just turn to something else. Do something else, call someone else.
Write it out, go outside and walk, take a hot bath, listen to a meditation cd, anything.
Forget about final words and final attempts and final validations. Just know in your heart that you are good enough just as you are and that you want to love and cherish yourself as you deserve to. It is so important for us to love ourselves. The narc will hinder us from that self love which is what gets us through life and brings happiness and spreads happiness.
I broke NC a lot. I was completely in shock over it all and wanted to understand. Part of me wanted to hear or read what he had to say next. Sometimes it was amusing to read his bullcrap. but it was frustrating and would lead to nothing... no resolutions or progress... it was always just crap. He'd say lovely things and then end it with an insult or a reminder that what he just said means nothing in the long run. I'd get more fluff and contradictions and confusion. Sometimes he was mean. Then the next time he was so "loving," tho it was just lines from a script. he'd send music videos of love songs. Part of me was looking for answers and validation and apologies. Part of me wanted to fight for him. Part of me wanted to just fight him! but each time i broke NC it was more sick feelings. I got physically sick. It was just drama from a guy who claimed to hate drama and claimed, "I don't do drama," so many times. he sure loved that drama of contacting me with his crap. I loved the drama of breaking NC to take more crap.
I first blocked the emails because that is where he would dump it all out and write a lot. The calls were from "restricted" numbers, so i just had to ignore them and eventually the voicemails stopped. then it went to a random text here and there. Then I blocked his number so he could not text me.
One step at a time. And now is the time to learn what drew you to him. Learn some important lessons about yourself.
handwrite a letter to him that you will never ever give him.. get out all that you are mad about, all that you hoped for, all that he lead you to believe, etc. Then at the end write that you forgive yourself and burn it.
One of the first things my exN said was "I hate Drama" when we first started dating. After awhile I would say to myself how in the hell do you hate drama when you always cause it. I am so happy I have insight now!!! NC is very, very important. I just posted on that very subject. We break it, don't feel bad. Let that go and began again. Love yourself and NC will see you through this pain.
Oh my God...my exN used to say he hated drama too! He would go on and on about it and that is why he was so restrictive with what he would "allow" me to say and do. I used to think and even tell him when I got really angry that most if not ALL of the drama in our relationship was due to his inability to deal with anything at all. He was so uncomfortable with feelings that he would try to quash anything that wasn't "happy" and "superficial". Of course that didn't work and it backfired on him. The more he tried to quash ...the more that stuff reared it's head. When you don't deal with small relationship conflicts (normal stuff) they get bigger and bigger and bigger until they explode into big arguments. The drama was really of his own making. It was so frustrating.
I can definitely relate to this!
He said he didnt like drama, but he didnt mind me being emotional sometimes cos his ex never got upset about their break up.
I think when his ex dumped him, he was really sad and it shook his 'manhood' so with me he was very hard and wouldnt let himself fall for me properly, and wouldnt allow himself to feel anything about the break up.
But we would have fights at least every couple weeks. Stupid bloke. he dont know what hes missing out on ;)
Its so terrible how these stories are so similar. Are there really that many sick, selfish men out there in the world??
"No resolutions, no progress" So true. I broke NC off and on for 2 years. One stretch was 6 months! Now I am almost 3 months..
Why did I break it?? Because I missed him..but no validation, no resolution, no closure, no genuine sincerity or explanation..they give you none of the things you are hoping for at this point....
just me having a pit feeling in my stomach every time I spent time with him...and feeling bad that I was betraying myself and my friends who knew he is a sick user and wanted better for me!
I needed to want better for me....
Everything in your post touches on exactly what I've been going through. I was finally discarded in a short email almost a month ago, no contact until after a few weeks of thinking about it i thought i had to address a cople points hit in his final 8-sentence breakup email to me. (like the fact that he wanted to be friends now, and the cold method of breakup after 2 1/2 years...) I felt i needed to set boundaries. When his royal highness decided to contact me after almost a month , he wants to "get together and talk" I email him and said no, pls tell me what you wish to discuss and why via email. He proceeds to show up at my door with 6 wine coolers later that day. Because whatever HE says goes. They just don't deal well with boundaries do they?
I guess my original point was supposed to be.... we all go through it Shareebles, and all the rest of us!! Happens to the best of us. Because our hearts and souls have been tormented by this person behind the mask for so long. It is a mask, that is what we fell in love with. (a tough pill to finally swallow). Our hearts even still weep for this person. You are not alone. You are simply human, and blessed with a loving heart.
Go easy on yourself. Now just climb back on that bandwagon.... and forgive yourself.
BIG HUGS
(Im pretty new too)
He hasnt responded yet.
I so stupidly said
"Remember that time when we were going through songs for ur cousins memorial service and Iris by Googoo Dolls was playing? That was the moment that I knew for sure that I loved you. Hope you had a really good day today :) x"
Why did i do that?!?! Jules K, dont do it, its not worth it cos you just feel stupid after.
Hi shareebles, i'm so sorry for the delay in answering you. I haven't contacted him, though believe me i have written texts with my finger on the send button. I very nearly texted him a few days ago due to the fact that when he returned my things, my sunglasses and case was amongst them. I opened the case a few days later to find the cloth inside had been wrapped neatly around the glasses. It made me cry and i nearly text him thanks! And i know why i almost contacted him..it was because i thought perhaps he does care a little, but in actual fact i realised it was the only decent thing he had done for me in 5 months! That made me cry again. All his things i'd folded up nicely and kept safe..did i get a thanks? No i got sweet f*ck all. I could have peed on the lot, then set fire to it...but i have my dignity intact.
This is the second time i have changed my number as the first time i gave it to him too easily. I know if i texted now i'd look pretty daft.
Please don't feel bad that you broke NC, i have done things that have made me feel stupid too..but we're not. Not one bit :-)
I even feel bad for changing my number, knowing he's too stubborn to contact me in any other way. Tis shit really.
If you're anything like me, you'll think this site a godsend.
Take care, jules xx
I think our stories are preeetty similar!
Its my birthday today.. And I wanna be happy and enjoy it, but i cant help but think hes going to forget. after everything i ever did for him (including on his birthday), he's going to forget i just know it :(
He would remember miley cyrus's birthday before he'd remember mine. just cos shes sexy pffft.
Ohh welllllll. guesss ill just have to forget about him for today!
Happy belated birthday to you shareebles :-) Did you receive anything from him? I didn't have a thing off my N or his family back in May, for my birthday. It broke my heart..again. It was yet another shit thing in a long line of shit things that he's done. Hope you are ok? xx
Thank you :)
I got a text message...I was shocked he remembered...He was shocked that I thought hed forget! We conversed a little...nearly had another argument...but he was kinda nice to me, saying he hasnt wanted to talk to me because he doesnt want me to relapse because it kills him when Im sad. I dont know how sincere he is??? But i dont think i care....
My mood was very average on the days after my birthday. But i guess it reinforces how breaking NC really does affect me.
Thanks xx
When you break NC it only causes more pain.
What will you gain? He will love the power, and you will be crying your eyes out!
These are sick,sick people,
Hunter
breaking NC may be one moment of "high" but weeks of DEEPER PAIN
I went back so many times in 8 years or I should say- he seduced me back.....I remember sitting in my car, with so much anxiety, so much panic, and just "had to" call him- like a true junkie....then we would have days, weeks or even a few months of connection- always intense and passionate..but MORE SO- deeper darker pain, manipulation, deceipt, devaluing. I am telling you CONTACT EQUALS PAIN. please don't do it. make a call to someone here instead. Love and Blessings to you!
Shareebles
Dust yourself off and get back on the wagon...
Don't beat yourself up,
I felt and still feel the same
You're not alone
you aren't an idiot give
BREAKING NC
It happens. Tell yourself
One of the first things my
drama
Where there's a narc there's
I can definitely relate to
Its terrible..
Everything in your post
I just broke no contact
He hasnt responded yet.
Hi shareebles, i'm so sorry
I think our stories are
Happy belated birthday to you
Thank you :) I got a text
Jules, shar
Thank you Hunter. As hard as
breaking NC may be one moment of "high" but weeks of DEEPER PAIN