I Guess They Always DO Come Back????

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#1 Jul 27 - 4AM

Lobo555

I Guess They Always DO Come Back????

Last year, when I was trying to give up CharlieSheenWinning for good, I dated a guy I'll call "Lotso." I named him after the bear in Toy Story 3 because he started out nice, then turned out to be a real bastard. He was a model citizen, well-respected around town, etc. I began to date him after he told me a sob story about his girlfriend breaking up with him. Boy do these guys all follow a pattern or what?

So, of course, he also kind of turned out to be a pervert -- into taking salacious pics of me. I participated willingly, I admit, but was surprised -- he didn't seem the type.

Two and a half months later, I referred to a great evening with friends and "boyfriend" in a FB post. Lotso blew me off for 3 days, breaking a date by not showing up and then not returning phone calls or emails. I finally got an email from him saying he wasn't my boyfriend and that I must have "misunderstood" our relationship. I was so upset and in shock. I fired an email back saying he's an asshole and that we are not friends. He sent one back simply stating, "The relationship is over and that is all."

I have seen him around town and have completely ignored him. Last night I went to a local restaurant to meet friends and when I walked in no one was there that I knew except HIM. I ignored him again. My friends arrived and I could tell he was staring. It was creepy, but I figured he wouldn't say anything.

Then he was leaving -- he approached the group I was with and said, "Well, good night ladies." My two friends said good night. I said nothing, just kept looking at some pictures someone was showing me. Then he said, "Good night [insert my name loudly here]!" and rubbed my back!

Creepy as hell! I gave one of my friends a what-the-hell-is-he-DOING??? look and still ignored him.

I NEVER in a million years thought that guy would say one word to me ever again. But he did. So now my hackles are up about CharlieSheenWinning. If Lotso tried throwing a test hoover maneuver out, it's only a matter of time. I'm really thinking these assholes run out of supply and start trying to recycle no matter how awful they are to you and how you ignore them.

So, I'm writing this as a warning -- THEY DON'T CARE! THEY'LL TRY ANYWAY!!!!

#2 Jul 28 - 6AM

Lobo555

Marking His Territory

My mom had a funny comment when I told her about this last night. She said, "That back rubbing was his way of marking his territory. He might as well have lifted his leg and peed!" :):):) Then she added, "He's just an ass."

#3 Jul 27 - 12PM

ifinallygotit

Its not that they run out of supply

There are endless willing victims out there for supply (unless the guy is really old). It is that they don't want to ever lose the control and power they once had over us. The hoovering is not to regain lost love - its ego to regain lost power - it makes them happy to think we are still pining for them as this means they still have control - there is no love... You accepted his break up with no tears and begging - that is no fun for a Narc - they want to think they are God's gift to women - putting his hand on you is to try to remind you of past intimacy...he is a really a big jerk! My ex N of 10 years is a lovely lover and it makes me sad thinking of him giving his sex away to the bar ladies but really that is all it is:sex not love...lower level animals have sex everyday and we are not upset it - I try to think of it as such and not the breaking of an intimate trust with me - they use sex to snare fresh blood not to bond...it is so gross... This guy is not your true love anyway and you will heal faster....

#4 Jul 27 - 12PM (Reply to #23)

Lobo555

Very well said

With this one especially, I think it's about control and only control. He's the worst -- former cop, no empathy, no soul. In his way, he's even worse than CharlieSheenWinning. But then again. . . aw hell, six of one, half a dozen of another! :) When he touched my back I felt like taking a shower and scrubbing with brillo. Ick Ick ICK.

#5 Jul 27 - 7AM

ordinarycourage

Reddley

I know how you feel. You should start a new post "Things That Are Better Than an N"

#6 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #17)

Reddley

OMG I could go on and

OMG I could go on and on! That's a great idea. For laughter's sake.

#7 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #19)

adoette

Things that are better than an N

I started an "Awesome Things" post, but maybe we need a second post titled, "Things that are better than an N." That post could include things like: Things that are better than an N: 1. A root canal 2. Food poisoning 3. Stepping in dog sh*t You know, things like that. :)

#8 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #20)

Reddley

Definitely need the cheeky

Definitely need the cheeky list... I've been needing a good laugh for a few days now.

#9 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #21)

adoette

Reddley

Okay, scoot on over and start that post! I need some laughing, too!

#10 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #18)

Lobo555

Love it!

Humor is the best defense against a narc. That and a bodyguard!

#11 Jul 27 - 7AM

Sparrow

Of course they will. We, in

Of course they will. We, in their minds, are guarenteed supply.........they ALL come back in some way, shape, or form...... All we can do, is be prepared.

#12 Jul 27 - 7AM

SoaperGirl

I would be shocked

At this point, if my narc ever tried to come back, I'd be totally shocked. I've made no pretense with or about that I consider him a predator, narc and an all round piece of shit. I've been as mean, nasty and hateful to the bastard as I know how. I understand he currently has an OW to give him NS, and I believe she intends to hang onto him with everything she's got in her. Granted that means nothing, because I was the same way, and you see where that they got me! The narc will go wherever he finds the best deal. We'll see I guess, but in the meantime, I'm not gonna hold my breath waiting.

#13 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #12)

Lobo555

I thought the same thing about Lotso

When he emailed me the breakup email (classy!), I sent one back that was so angry and inflammatory, my keyboard damn near smoked. I went so far as say to him I hope no man ever treats his daughters the way he treated me. Then, when I saw him somewhere, I completely ignored him. Wouldn't even look in his direction. I warned every woman I could that he was bad news. I even wrote an article in the paper about him, publicly calling him out (without using a name, of course) for his bad breakup behavior. And EVERYONE around town knew it was him! I publicly called him out. STILL. . . he did what he did last night. You can't underestimate their lack of shame.

#14 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #13)

SoaperGirl

You May be Right Lobo

I just hope that if and when he does, I'll be in a place whereby I couldn't care less or be anymore cold and indifferent to the bastard. I've got him posted on player and cheater websites as well as my blog. I am proud of the fact that I have never once shown him my pain, tears, begged for him to come back or made any kind of suggestion he should. What I did do was mock and ridicule him every way I could. How disappointing that must have been for him! I just can't imagine at this point him coming back. Still though, the breakup was only 5 1/2 months ago, which is not a terribly long time in the scheme of things. I hope if he does come back, I will be so strong I'll want nothing to do with him. It's good to have the warning though, I hope to be prepared if and when that day happens.

#15 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #14)

Lobo555

You Will Be Strong

You already know what he is, which is like having a shield. You have the tools to mock him, which is like having a sword. If he does come back, it will hit you how weak and vulnerable HE is. One thing that someone wrote on here that really struck me about these narcs: They need US more than we need THEM. Think about it. They need supply. Constantly. We don't need them or anything from them. So, WHEN, not if, yours comes around, you will be strong and indifferent because you need nothing from him. Consider yourself warned, consider yourself prepared. You'll be okay -- I truly believe that.

#16 Jul 27 - 7AM

onwithmylife

My theory

is they WILL NOT come back if you expose them for who they are and if they know you know who they are, once their fake mask comes down, they will go away, have not heard from exnarc going on 2 and 1/2 years and he is so frightened of me............before that though i would hear from him after he devalued and dumped me so many times i lost count

#17 Jul 27 - 8AM (Reply to #9)

Lobo555

Onwithmylife

I exposed Lotso in a newspaper article -- without using his name, but everyone in town knew who I was referring to. It's a small town, everyone knew we were dating, and everyone knew who I meant when I wrote an article about how NOT to break up with someone. It was a very public exposure, so it took a year. . . but he still tried to come back around last night. I hope yours never comes back. But now I don't underestimate their overall lack of shame.

#18 Jul 27 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

onwithmylife

Lobo555

If my narc would ever show after after all these years YOU will be the frst to know, I promise!! that is after they carry me away on a stretcher from a dead faint............your situation is new, mine is old.to see me again would equate a mental breakdown for him, they would be a good thing in hindsight 'cause then maybe he could join the human race........

#19 Jul 27 - 7AM

Hunter

Crazy Isn't it! Hunter

#20 Jul 27 - 7AM

Gullable1

Virus come back

They never really EVER go away? They lay dormant, like a virus, or a parasite? For years... I tangoed with my dumb ass narc for 13 years, once we didn't speak for about a year and a half? Then..... He's baaaaackkkk....

#21 Jul 27 - 7AM (Reply to #2)

Reddley

Great...

I'd have preferred that he gave me a case of herpes then worry about him coming back into my life over and over... Imagine that... I'd take herpes over my ex N. Seriously!

#22 Jul 27 - 7AM (Reply to #3)

Gullable1

Red

Bahahhaha..... The day is young never really know what disease they may have passed on? Comes with the territory when you get under a man who gets more ass than a toilet seat

#23 Jul 27 - 7AM (Reply to #4)

Reddley

My ex N is cerebral... he'd

My ex N is cerebral... he'd just as soon wank then bother trying to have sex with anyone else. He had sex with one girl in highschool... discovered he didn't like her and regretted it. Several years of celibacy... Then his ex wife for 15 years... Then 4 more years of celibacy... Then me... He has SERIOUS abandonment issues... so he stays away from women. He was a horrible lover... It was like very bad choreographed porn. I honest to God think he told me the truth about this part. However! Thank you for reminding me to call the OB/GYN for those "just in case I'm wrong" tests

#24 Jul 27 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

SoaperGirl

Sounds like we had ther same Narc, LOL

Well, my narc was even worse. Being 66 years old with severe ED, a cerebral (and not very smart at that once you figure them out!), jerking off was the only way he could get off. I don't believe things are any different with his OW. He has made out like he'd'rather have real sex with someone who loved him (note that that particular wording - someone who loved him! - his words.) Yet, it seemed everytime I turned around, he was talking about jerking off with Astroglide (probably that product's #1 consumer!). Since we never managed to have actual sex - it appear that catching an STD would not be of any real concern to me - no penetration or or much of anything else took place!) He was a like a limp rag except when he was choking his chicken. I was one seriously sexually frustrated woman, but now I'm kinda of glad he couldn't seal the deal. hahaha.)

#25 Jul 28 - 6AM (Reply to #6)

Reddley

Yeah mine was cerebral and

Yeah mine was cerebral and dumb as a fucking post too. I think you probably are lucky you didn't have sex with him. Man I wish there was a search option on this forum! lol A few times it was pointed out that the chemicals our brains release when we have sex causes us to bond with that person. http://people.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm I swear those bastards know when the chemical is getting too low and we're starting to lose that bond... that's why they come back.

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