I gave into contact and I'm so mad at myself

So I have my ex N blocked on everything. I couldn't figure out how to block FaceTime. I've never used FaceTime so I was unaware I even had it. Anyway about 3 days ago my ex N facetimed me and has every night since. I did good the first 3 times he did it but last night I was having wine with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time feeling happy and I looked down at the phone only to see one more missed FaceTime call. I think it's cause I had 2 glasses of wine and felt beaten down from the constant FaceTime calls so I ended up unblocking him and texting him that I hope he's ok but it's too hard for me to hear his voice right now and his response was "it's too hard for me not to hear yours". I just said I'm sorry and that I can't talk to him. That was it. But today I feel emotionally hung over. Goes to show any contact even a small amount gives me a bad feeling... I'm super bummed on myself and frustrated that I have to be the strong one all the time. I guess I gotta pull my bootstraps up and move forward. I had 2 weeks on no contact and even though it was a small amount of contact I still feel defeated. Thanks for listening