I feel sad and angry today

26 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 8 - 2PM

gettinbetter

I feel sad and angry today

I'm having a day of shock and disbelief about what all has gone on this year. I feel like texting him and telling him he's going straight to hell. I want him to suffer like he made me suffer. I realize its not possible

#2 Dec 9 - 1PM

momoya

be strong!

It is so hard to come to terms with it all. Narc's are complicated, and love to twist you all up and confuse everything. It is perfectly fine and natural to want to disect what happened, and get to your truth of it, go over it with a fine tooth comb. Of course they have no accountablity, everything is our fault. They are perfect. The grief and the persisent thoughts, deep sadness, depression, lack of concentration, lack of quality sleep and days and days of pain do not go away quickly. (I know how hard this time is. I have only recently begun to move past it.) But it is there for a reason, to serve a purpose. It is important to look back over and understand what occured and how it occured. No it is not all our faults. Most of the cases we were lied to in various ways, purposefully kept in the dark. Take your time, but remember the goal- to heal, not stay stuck in the horrible pain of the past. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself. Stay strong! You are NOT everything the Narc says you are! you are worth more and deserve true happiness. But, that is up to us to achieve! momoya

momoya

#3 Dec 8 - 6PM

gettinbetter

Thanks to everyone of you

I so appreciate all of your comments and support. I have days where I am very clinical about the whole situation understanding all of the nuts and bolts and how they fit together to have produced this situation and then there are other days where Im so sad for myself and what he did to me. Its just hard.

#4 Dec 8 - 3PM

StillHurting

I also feel angry/hurt and it comes and goes

I am mostly angry at myself for wasting so much time. I should have known a few years back it was done. Sad, empty, hopeless, angry, sad, mad, furious, resentful.....yes, I feel them all.

#5 Dec 8 - 3PM

Scoop

What i learnt is the days

What i learnt is the days you feel the most sh*t are the days you are doing the most healing , thoses days when you feel the pain are the days youre mind is letting you "go there" and its really getting to the heart of the problem , the real nitty gritty , without theses days there is no getting better , as hell as they are and as much crying you do it all just another tear to wellness and happyness , in time and in a very strange way the days you feel sh*t will tell you you are on the right track ... xx

#6 Dec 8 - 5PM (Reply to #22)

gettinbetter

scoop

Shall I send you a pic so you can make a voodoo doll of him? :)

#7 Dec 8 - 2PM

helldweller

sick of it

definitely something in the air. I walk around all day, alternating crying fits with $#@!*&?$%!#@ It's the time of year, as you said, to take stock of the year past, and boy did it freaking s*ck. Makes us feel real loss, real bitterness, real futility, real frustration, real loneliness and, yes, really freaking mad. Embrace every emotion is what I'm doing.

#8 Dec 8 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

gettinbetter

Helldweller

So many times I have read your posts and had tears well up in my eyes.

#9 Dec 8 - 2PM

Hunter

Tis the season! I feel the

Tis the season! I feel the same. Emergency shrink visit for me today. I'd love to vent to him. What good would it do? "None" if they were normal we wouldn't be here. Hang in, it seem to be a common feeling for all of us today. Grrrrrrrrrr!

#10 Dec 8 - 2PM

truetotruth

SOI

Hey you!!! Im having a similar day..minus the texing part :( I wanna get a megaphone and tell everyone who he is!! Im here girl -love and light

#11 Dec 8 - 2PM

Briseis

In spite of it feeling like

In spite of it feeling like total CRAP, you are still "getting it out" and this is a good thing. In spite of how it feels, of course :( A couple of weeks ago, you wanted to SAVE his soul, felt responsible for it. At least this is progress :D Keep writing it out, this was a long time coming, hon. The damage didn't happen overnight, and as you go along in early NC, stuff is just gonna come up like this and it's OK. Each time it comes up, get it out, process it, get your sword out and start slashing, and you are truly then getting it OUT forever :)

#12 Dec 8 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

gettinbetter

Its not that I truly want

Its not that I truly want him to go to hell. I just want him to worry everyday that he might. I was feeling a lot better and I quit doing my meditation prayer and chord cutting and guess what I'm feeling bad again. Eventhough I'm a drinkin cursing christian girl. I know that God sees and hears my tears and that he will be the judge and the jury not me. I have so much anger and hurt from years past and no one to direct it at except myself and a shell of a human being with no soul

#13 Dec 8 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Hunter

They feel nothing. That's

They feel nothing. That's what sucks. All of this sucks. I wish mine would get hit by a bus. He'd feel that now wouldn't he? Ugh! Think of the positive, you could have been stuck with this jerk long term, then you'd really be in bad shape. You may want to try and medicate. I'm not a pill popper but I think it's what has pushed me along. Oxoxox Me

#14 Dec 8 - 6PM (Reply to #15)

victimnomore

idealk9NYC

Get hit by a bus. LOL I was crying but your post made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! IT FEELS GOOD!

victimnomore

#15 Dec 9 - 10AM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

A bus, a car, a falling

A bus, a car, a falling icicle, anything will do. Humor helps me. Hang in. This too shall pass, it's just a matter of when! Oxox

#16 Dec 8 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Briseis

Of course you really don't

Of course you really don't want him to go to hell :P and I truly believe that deep down inside all Narcs and sociopaths, they already LIVE in Hell, where there is no hope, no true peace, no true love, no true enduring relief from suffering :( Narcs do what they do, IMHO, EVERYTHING they do that is nasty and painful and evil, in reaction to the true Hell they live in every day. And they want company in their Hell. I also get it, very much, about having no one or really no THING to direct the pain toward. I am pretty sure that's what got me started being a support person on two forums like this (I'm only here now, no TIME for anywhere else!!). I get to directly my anger and hurt at YOUR narc :D . Over the last three years, I'm must more interested in YOU than your Narc (the generic you). But it has been a venue for me to "use" the anger and hurt for the greater good. Might be time to go snicker snicker whack with that sword again for a while :)

#17 Dec 8 - 5PM (Reply to #13)

gettinbetter

I am so upset tonite. I was

I am so upset tonite. I was doing so much better and here i go again with the tears. I cant even hate him. I often ask who am I hating a man who was damaged and abused by poor parenting. There is no one there to hate. The only person I have to direct it at is me.

#18 Dec 8 - 3PM (Reply to #10)

gettinbetter

Its not that I truly want

#19 Dec 8 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

desprathousewife

Hey up stranger :)

There seems to be something in the air GRRRRR Don't buckle, remember the last time you did! Stay strong, today is just a blip, you will have much better days, you have already. I was lucky in as i COULDN'T feel this way at your stage, police were involved and I had to be strong to make my case credible. You have no such good fortune to have to adhere to NC except your strength and your sword fighting, get it out again girl and stab the fecker with it. You can do it girl :) xxx

#20 Dec 8 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

gettinbetter

Hi there

Ill be ok. I know I will survive it. I just had a wave of pain spewing out of me. I am so angry at myself for allowing all of this to happen. ya know?

#21 Dec 9 - 10AM (Reply to #5)

Hunter

I feel the same. I'm pretty

I feel the same. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have changed a thing. I always wondered what happened to my N. I found him, I tried, he loses, and now I have closure. Does it hurt? Like hell, but I know. It's time to move on. It really would have ended the same. My terms would have made it easier. It is what it is. These N arcs are very creepy creatures. Be strong. I went out with my girlfriends last night, laughed my ass off, had a nice glass of wine and feel better today than yesterday. I also saw my shrink, I Love her. Keep things in check. Oxox

#22 Dec 9 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

gettinbetter

Wow am I feeling anxiety

Wow am I feeling anxiety today I think it maybe related to my pms I haven't felt this bad in weeks. I feel almost on the verge of a panic attack. Dear lord look at what this man has done to me

#23 Dec 9 - 12PM (Reply to #7)

Hunter

Shrink

Oh I know, don't you love it? I've never needed a shrink in 42 yrs till now. I think a punch in face would be easier to deal with. Are you medicated? You really need to be. I'm pretty sure I'd still be on the couch if I wasn't. Try and refocus. Since we have the same story I can really relate. I think I'm better, I still have my moments and PMS it's a really tough period(hahaha) Oxox idealk

#24 Dec 9 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

gettinbetter

I just turned 43 there are a

I just turned 43 there are a ton of 42 year olds on here. Did he dump u or did u dump him?

#25 Dec 9 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

Hunter

I just turned 43 too. I

I just turned 43 too. I figure the first year doesn't count. :) he dumped me of course,once I got an apartment and a lawyer to divorce my husband. It took one yr to rebuild our relationship after 23 years and 5 minutes for him to s@&$ on my head. The horrible things he said to me keep spinning in my head. Of course they are almost word for word as every other N here. He is really sick. Everything he said to devalue me is what he is. A "loser". He lives in NYC, here is a beautiful example of this. " I would take you to a nice restaurant but if you see a movie star you may not know hot to act" umm yeah! Before I came to Chicago I lived in LA and worked on Rodeo Dr. My clients were movie stars. Eg. Stevie wonder and Elton John. Please!! The only movie star for him to impress is the movie star he thinks he is. I wish I had his mirror because he really doesnt look half as good as he used to. That must be a magic mirror. Once he figured out I was his competion that's when he started his head f@&k! I will say he did a beautiful job. He is an expert. All I can to u is see a good therapist, take some meds and move on. He will always be trash. Be the bigger person and fight him. It will get better. Oxox

#26 Dec 8 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

victimnomore

Sick of it

I know how you feel. I'm trying to forgive myself for 25 years of stupidity. But I know that I had all of the right intentions and I can't hate myself for that. Go easy on yourself. I know it's hard but you have to believe that it will get better eventually.

victimnomore

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews