I feel lucky

Life is much easier, less stress full and all around more enjoyable now that I don't have to worry about working around his schedule. I'm a fulltime mom of 3 wonderful sons, work full time and then come home and play taxi-mom. I had very little free time to begin with, and what little bit of peace and quiet i could ever find for *me* was always much needed and cherished. Then.... along came *him* , the narc, who expected me to wrap my entire world around him, his schedule, his needs. And, for a very long time, much to my embarassment (2 1/2 years) i did!! ALL of my free time had to be with him; and if not I would pay, in some way,i would pay.... excessive phone calls/checking up, accusations, sulking, emotional blackmail. You name it. All of my "free"time had to be accounted for if i was not with him. And now..... I am finally free!! Finally much much healthier and happier than i have been in so long, remarkably so.

Oh yes. I feel lucky every day now without xnh. For the first time in 17 years, I am able to wake up happy and arrange my day however I need and wish. Xnh's constant, controlling chaos is gone and has been replaced by a wonderful sense of peace and contentment in my life. I am grateful for it, and I fully appreciate it. :) I've always been a very independent person, but when I was with xnh my self-confidence was so eroded that I simply quit trying in a lot of ways. Now, I'm taking care of everything in my life that needs dealt with, and my self-confidence is returning in huge leaps/bounds. Contrary to how xnh's abusive behavior made me feel, I am neither inept or stupid. He's gone and I'm doing better than ever on my own. Like you, I spent this weekend doing tasks around my home. I fixed a toilet in one of my bathrooms, mowed down an acre's worth of weeds on my property, and pruned some bushes in my back yard. Yesterday, I found out from the doctor that the STD xnh gave me from his cheating has been taken care of, and I now have a clean "bill of health". Xnh's scummy, irresponsible behavior may have hurt me temporarily, but it has NOT ruined me. While I was in town, I spend the remainder of the day having a very nice visit with my parents. Xnh would have constantly interrupted all of these activities with his chaos and drama. Since xnh is gone, I accomplish quite a lot with my time. My self-confidence is returning and I feel GOOD about it. I feel VERY lucky. :)

You totally sum it up, uk lady. (You too, used) My most dreadful days WITHOUT the narc are lightyears better than my best days WITH the narc. That is the truth. Was reading some of my journal from last year at this time. I am sad for my then-self, but so happy to see how far I've come! Cheers to living a peace-full and narc-free life! ~adoette

Except that it started raining before I got the grass cut... Son is at his Dads, I got up when I felt like it, cleaned out the fridge, had coffee, piddled around the house, paid some bills, sat on the couch and spent some time here, dyed my hair. And the best of all, I am not waiting to see how he is going to ruin my Sunday.

even on a bad day,i still count my blessings..today,with me, blitzed the house ,went out for a coffee and saw a friend had a normal convo, bought a winter coat,all at own speed...came home, had a cuppa and sandwich,came on here... DAY IF IT HAD BEEN WITH NARC....frantic phone call[him] are you coming out for a coffee.me ok..him when ? how long are you going to be..me i havent finished blitzing yet,its only a 8.45am..him leave it do it when you get back home....by now my heart would be pounding and i would have the shakes..me i will be there by 10am..him oh for fucks sake...me ok 9.30...hurry up then...quick shower throw on some clothes, phone a cab...he phones again..me i am just waiting for cab, i will be about 10mins...him..dont hang up, i will talk to you till you get to me..still talking to me while i am in cab...i get out of cab....him...i feel like fxxking shit today..me hello used how are you..him, dont fucking start or i am going....he would then talk ,bitch and moan until i left him at 4pm...but at 3pm knowing i was going he would start, you are like a fucking kid going home at 4pm...i have loads of other friends,i dont have to be with you used...me get home...go into evn worse depression,dont finish housework,stare into space...1hour later he would phone again....unplug phone turn off my mobile and think i am never never going to get away from him...... TODAY, 18TH SEPTEMBER 2011 ,I AM FREE FROM HIM AND HAVE BEEN 23 MNTHS...PEACE BLESSED PEACE...