I ended it today: need support

I finally did it...well, again, for the fifth time...I ended it. But this time, it has to stick. On the day before I was supposed to move in with him, he ignored my calls and texts. I needed to know what to bring and what to send to storage. He never offered to help me with packing. Hardly spoke to me all week. Invited me to go to the pool and park yesterday...said I had too much packing to do but I could meet him for dinner. He never responded. Texted at 10:30 to tell me he was going to bed. He was supposed to clear out space for my things yesterday. Never did it.

My gut had been telling me all week that I shouldn't make this move. That the abuse would just get worse after I moved in. That he would resent my presence because he would inevitably feel "caged."

I am so heartbroken now. I wanted the fantasy so badly. I adore his sons. I wanted all the trappings. I miss his sweet words...even last night he changed his mind again: "please let's just try this." "I love you." "What if we don't grow to hate each other but instead fall in love even more deeply?" "Please bring your shit over tomorrow. I'll clear out the office."

But he didn't. And he hasn't called or texted this morning.

What it comes down to is that I don't like who I am when I am with him. I have to twist and bend myself into all sorts of distortions in order to try to appease him, to try to keep the ugly Thing that resides in him at bay a little longer. It doesn't matter what I do though. I am THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND and he still degraded and discarded me. It isn't me. It is him. It is over.

Please send your positive energy my way: my heart is breaking as I try to say goodbye to the fantasy that was Him.