I don't want to become bitter and old!

I am nc with exn, relationship ended completely in feb. My life has gone along but I have felt extremely bitter and depressed. I don't have a social life really. I can't see a way out but am just keeping going day by day until the clouds lift. May go back to therapy. Can't see myself trusting another woman any time soon. But I know that things will improve - I have been down low before and things improved with time...I think we will come back stronger eventually, scarred but stronger.

Oh dear, I understand exactly were you are, I have been there and there is hope, but you'll have to take it a step at a time. One difficult aspect of building a new life is the "social aspect", because the damage that these men leave is deep, and unfortunatly we live in a culture where people don't know what to do when they see someone hurting, unfortunately, sometimes they act like they would rather hang out with the people who are happy and put together, instead of those in need, quite shallow I would say. So sometimes instead of getting close, they distant themselves. Here's what I did in my recovery journey: 1. I did not date, did not get on "dating sites". It's a time to heal, not to put yourself out there for another experience prematurely 2. I went to counseling to deal with the deep damage and hurt, It's been 2 years and I still go every once in a while, just to check in and keep progress going 3. I focused on contacting friends that seemed more interested in my recovery and wanted to help me, did not pursue the ones that just wanted to have fun and didn't understand at least to some degree that I was in pain 4. I connected on a regular basis with family, even if they are long distance, to meet my needs of "connection", they were the most patient too 5. I was proactive in finding things to do myself that I enjoyed even if it meant I was going to do them by myself (going to dinner or movies by myself, we need to learn to enjoy our own company, it's scary at first, but it gets better) 6. I went to church, I refuged myself in God, and He has healed my wounds, and I found that people at church were more interested in contributing to my "healing" 7. Read many books that were insightful in my journey Never pull the blankets over you and allow yourself to go into the deeps of depression, throw the blanket off of you as fast as you can and go out and enjoy the sunshine, even if that's all there is to enjoy. Every day is a gift to you. I hope this helps, XOXO Elena

Take yourself off the dating site if you're not ready.

yeah i hear u. I feel completely bitter and twisted after my narc/sociopath hulabaloo. sometimes i think i will never ever really recover either. that my self esteem will always be ripped to shreds. I have probably put on about 25kgs since being with this guy. i thought that after finally f'ing him off i'd be able to get control over my eating. I feel like my eating has gotten worse. Its like I am still being loyal to him and sabotaging myself so that I won't find love again just to prove him right. This makes me sooooooooooooooooooooo mad. I have been dealing with a lot of anger lately about this. How could I have allowed a man to get into my mind so much that my loyalty shifted from myself to him and that I would sabotage my own health just to be obedient to him. aaarrggghhhh!! I am so angry about this. but i guess the good thing is I am aware of this dynamic going on within me. I am so mad at men right now that any chance I get to vent and tell a man off I take it. I just want my self esteem back.