I don't like myself very much

I've fallen into a bit of a runt since I walked on my ex narc in December - the problem being is I don't like myself anymore. I know you have to start learning to love yourself again for people to love you and I did used to like myself before meeting him - the problem is I think it's because I blame myself for everything that he did to me. It doesn't help that peoples comments (because they don't understand) is 'you let him walk all over you'. This comment has got me so depressed that I ended up literally poorly my heart out to my Nan on Sunday and telling her things that she never would have known, ways that he treated me and things he said to me, after the 'fall out' she couldn't do enough for me - BUT I really don't know how to stop blaming myself and making myself feel responsible for everything he did to me and how to start liking myself again. I feel a bit blocked and although my life has no meaning anymore. With him it was all about him all the time so it has more meaning now than it did before so why am I having such a hard job convincing myself? and how do I start getting out of this rut inside my head.

I love smiling and laughing but it's all an act!!

Thanks