I don't know if I've made a mistake.

I've read 'The path forward' and little bits of 'It's all about him'.And now after 1 month after we've split,I'm starting to wonder if he really is an N.I was so convinced and 'The path forward' was just like reading a book written about him personally.But reading a snippit from 'It's all about him' about how Lisa's x watched her potentially drown and then hearing the horendous things these men have put you all through,my x was nothing compared to all that.There's so much evidence to say he is,but I feel mixed up as you might be able to tell.I miss him.I went on his Fb today and saw that he was interested in women which is so simple,but it really hurt.I can't figure out if I miss him or just find it hard to let him go-probably both.I feel like ringing him,but the fact that he might be and n's just say what you want to hear anyway stops me.I feel physically sick and my head is going round.I've always over thought things,which is one reason I'm questioning myself.My x's dad fits the bill for a N perfectly which has been a massive factor for me.A comment my x's dad made about his girlfriend(who is kind hearted,has a very good job,who's family are very well off,adores him,but comes across insecure and has a nervous tick in her cheek)made alarm bells ring for me.He boasted how when she 'blows a fuse' he just leaves her,he then puts pictures of fuses on fb to wind her up,but then she always phones him and says sorry.As he said this he rubbed his hands together with glee.I brought this up to my x again the next day and he pretty much brushed it off,not wanting to talk about it-i think he said something like,"that's just what he's like".My x did do alot of things.The tit4tat,getting moody for nothing,silent treatment,arguements,physical fights,name calling,backwards talk,mind games(or so it felt),he hit me a few times,but not so hard to cause any damage,but we seemed to get over all of these things when I spoke to him how I felt.I feel like I'm answering my own questions here,but I think I just need some clarity.I wish I could play you a video of the last 2 and a half years so someone could look at the good and bad and give me a definate answer to wether he is or not.I'm finding this so hard to handle.I cry every day,go through every emotion and feeling every day and now I'm questioning myself.Please can somebody help me?

Vanessa