I DID IT WOO HOO

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#1 Nov 8 - 5PM

gettinbetter

I DID IT WOO HOO

After one year of pure hell and an his attempt to assasinate me and my family (not literally but you know what I mean)

I BLOCKED HIM!!!

I never thought I could do it but after hitting rock bottom. I finally want to fight for my own soul instead of trying to save the soul he doesnt have.

This man so poisionus to me that I had a boil come up on my leg there was so much toxicity in me. I feel finally like he cant hurt me anymore. He most recently has been giving me the silent treatment but little does he know its permanent. He can never reach me. Never hurt me. Never poision my mind and soul again!!!!!

PS anyone to know who to block email?

#2 Nov 9 - 10PM

gettinbetter

I mean really

WTF was I thinking? Did I think I was going to ride off in the sunset with him and live happily ever after? HELL NO! my family would have disowned me and Im not just talking my husband Im talking about all of my extended family for they all witnessed it the first time. My Mom hit the nail on the head when she found out we were fb friends she said "Sick of it why would you even speak to him after what you went thru and what we went thru with you? He is pure evil. When I think of what he did to my daughter..." This coming from a woman who at one time adored him. Both of my parents did until they witnessed some of his controlling behavior and cheating. I cant even imagine what my Daddy "Ward Cleaver" thinks as he looks down and sees what has transpired over the last year. Thats when I feel real shame. This is not the behavior of the girl/woman Ward and June raised. Far from it and thats when I really see how abismal and selfish my behavior has been. I owe my parents, my spouse, and my child better than this. One of the first things the Narc asked me was How's your Mom? Is she ok since your Dad died? Its truly like he didnt remember that my mom saw him with another woman or that my parents had to come to his house at one o clock in the morning to pick me up after one of our many blow ups. I think he thought he was just gonna come back and take his rightful place in the family. Well Narc Mom's fine but I must tell you she hates you f ing guts. Oh wait June wouldnt use an f bomb or may she would. She did call him a son of a bitch once and the song goes...(beat in the background) Im just sick of it from the block I used have a little but now I have a lot. Damn Im cheesy

#3 Nov 9 - 4PM

ewa

There is an option on Gmail

There is an option on Gmail for example to filter the emails coming from [email protected] address and delete them.

#4 Nov 9 - 9AM

gettinbetter

I worried about how i would feel today

I still feel good! Its finally over not that he would hover since I outted him but I know he can't even if he wanted to. I do not want that creature to even have the ability to put his poisionus tentacles on me again! I had a dream last night that a plane crashed right in front of my house. I could hear that there were survivors. I went to go help but then I stopped and decided there were too many that id better wait for the emt's to get there Wth does that dream mean? I woke up sweaty yet today I don't feel the poision in my system. All so strange

#5 Nov 9 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

Briseis

Ohhh, what a great dream :)

Ohhh, what a great dream :) The plane crashing is the "dream" crashing, the end of this long, tortured "ungrounded" ride. All the survivors are you and your family :) and waiting for the EMTs is . . . well, your support system :D , the gals here :) LOL I am not a dream interpreter, but when I read your dream I could practically SEE it. I too had dreams of terrific explosions and crashes during and after the end of my Narc relationship. SOI, I am so glad for you, I can barely put it into words. I think a few weeks back when you got "real" about the addiction and came clean with the group was so powerful that just realizing it all pushed you toward health, on a very deep level :) Getting "real" has a way of doing that. It's kind of an unconscious process. This horrible man is SO not worth the good you already have in your life. What most here would give for a wonderful husband and child, you know? But that is what Narc relationships DO to us. They destroy what is good, until we SEE them for what they really are. I read in another post that you were concerned the Narc would retaliate. I agree with the others who said PUSH FORWARD regardless. And if he does do something, lie like a rug. This is your family you are protecting from a PREDATOR. It is more precious than words can say. Congratulations, big time ((((((((SOI))))))))) :)

#6 Nov 9 - 8PM (Reply to #18)

gettinbetter

Briseis

Thank you. I have had a very bad time of it. It wasnt till I began to read about trauma bonds that the pieces began to fit together snugly. For everyone out there who doesnt "deal" with what the Narc did to them and just throws it all in a mental storage room for years, HE WILL COME BACK and IT WILL BE ten times worse. I definitely understand that the longer a trauma bond remains in place the more it deepens for the first time he lived a mile from me and we worked together for a period this time he lives far and I dont see him yet his control over me has been 10 times stronger. Everything about my relationship with this man over a 20 year period has been traumatic. Yes there were some good times but they were far more bad times. I have literally at times felt like I have been poisioned and dying a slow death sitting in a near catatonic state staring at the tv. I just havent been able to detach from his negative energy eventhough he had been giving me the silent treatment for the last several weeks. I feel like his evil soul wanted to kill my soul. His silence was screaming at me. He's going to hell but Im not going with him. IM NOT! No more prayers to God oh his behalf from me. NONE! I read that the trauma bonds are extremely hard to break and that if they lay dormant and resurface and not broken that they are almost impossible to break. All I could think is NO I cant live like this forever. I scared the shit out of me. I swear its like the phone was a portal for him to introject all of his evil negative energy and I dont know but now that I have blocked I feel like its been cut off. Today all I have wanted to do is eat and tonite I have been craving fruit and fruit juice like mad. So freaking strange. The first time I was upset and depressed but I didnt have the intense physical symptoms like I have had this time. 7 years of emotional abuse OVER. Thank God. I read on one of the Trauma Bond sites "You gotta feel to Deal" They cant deal.

#7 Nov 9 - 9PM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

Is this why he HASN'T come back...

I was afraid that the ex-Psych professor would be back for "supply" because of the passing of a classmate. At some instinctive level, I was afraid he'd contact me. So, pre-emptively, I mocked him... and believe me, not even a NORMAL teacher would stomach it (what's a stomach ache to a normal is an ulcer to a Narc) I gushed about being happy, being successful, and RIDICULED him pitilessly... the THREE THINGS that would keep him away. I was FINALLY following my parents' advice! I KNOW how much he hated mockery... it was the one thing that would send him literally running from the room. He couldn't stand being mocked in the senior skit a decade ago. Even tho he had just drunk a whole beer, he ran to his car... I'm sure when he got his mail, and he found himself being mockingly compared to my baby nephew (my nephew is in Massachusetts,like he was, my brother in-law has the same real name as the ex-P's father)... yeah, I can only imagine how THAT felt. It's almost like, if you dish out and you KNOW they can't take it, they WON'T come back? I know the ex-P dished out mockery, but he could not for the life of him handle it... My ridicule arrived via the USPS right in time for his lecture on happiness... I know how to ruin a "happy" occasion, be the fly in the chardonnay, the rain on the wedding day, isn't it ironic, don't you think?

#8 Nov 9 - 9PM (Reply to #20)

gettinbetter

Susan

Yesterday I felt like I covered myself in plenty of Narc repellant that he will never be back since he knows that I now know what he is however the reality is after a period of time im guessing a year or so his narcissitic injury will have healed he will overlook the words I said to him and hell pop up to see "How I am" the fact is nothing goes to terribly deep with them. I just have to make sure I dont give him the ability to get back into my mind. I truly believe that his intent was to have this garbage span years as he was always telling me "I will always love you. Im gonna love you for the rest of my life. We need time to work this out" thats code for I need you to committ to years of abuse from me. oh and trust me he still thinks it will. Hes just really really pissed right now (narc rage) so he needs a good amount of time to calm down then it will be back to business as usual NOT!!! atleast not with me.

#9 Nov 8 - 8PM

Lisa E. Scott

Congrats SickofIt!

Woo Hoo!!! I'm so proud of you! Way to go girl. It's a hard step, but it is a HUGE step. You are well on your way on the path to recovery! You deserve it! I love what Susan said: "In the end, you realize you can't always save someone else's soul, they might not even want saving--you can show them the way, but in the end, it's their choice. If you want to save anyone, you have to save yourself FIRST." Congrats! xoxo

#10 Nov 8 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

gettinbetter

Thank you Lisa

Its been a long painful road and the story has spanned 20 years but this part of its over. Now I have to work on healing but I wont be ripping off the scab anymore

#11 Nov 8 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

no more

sick of it

I am sooo proud of you,,,,I blocked my exn too,,but it was only after 5 years of an off and on relationship,,, but no marriage or kids. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

I just got involved with the same N for the second time.
What was I thinking? Because I have put myself back to the same point where I am blaming myself again. And for what?
I want to get rid of these feelings again.

#12 Nov 8 - 6PM

positivefuture

yay!!!

me too! and i blocked him every where! we can do this. we can. we're going to do this. we have a better life waiting for us. time to be in control!!! i'm sending love, support and strength :)

#13 Nov 9 - 10PM (Reply to #12)

MsVulcan500

It's a block party!!

Yea!! The block party is on!! This is such a huge step in your recovery, you won't believe it after a while. I'm not saying there won't be days it will be really hard, but they will become fewer and further between. He won't be clouding your judgement any longer and you will really begin to see you are so much better off!

#14 Nov 8 - 6PM (Reply to #11)

gettinbetter

THANK YOU

I know i will have some dark days ahead. The hold this man has had on me emotionally is unbelievable. No more!

#15 Nov 8 - 6PM

gettinbetter

I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO IT!!!

BUT I DID! I DID!

#16 Nov 8 - 6PM

faithinthefuture

sick of it

very much like "I finally want to fight for my own soul instead of trying to save the soul he doesn't have" Betty!!! I think this is an awesome member quote if it's ok with you, sick of it! You sound very strong today sick of it! I'm sooo happy for you!

#17 Nov 8 - 7PM (Reply to #7)

gettinbetter

Thank you faith

Its been a hard road for me. I think finally reading about Trauma Bonds and how they can lay dormant for years (as mine did) and then resurface... I also read if you dont break it the second time around it will deepen. If they get too deep they are almost impossible to break. It scared the shit out of me. I had something very traumatizing happen to me with the Narc I havent discussed it here but its the reason he was able to weasel his way back in. HE'S GOING TO HELL FOR SURE. IM NOT GOING WITH HIM! I WANT TO SAVE MYSELF!

#18 Nov 8 - 7PM (Reply to #8)

Susan32

How it almost resurfaced...

I nearly called the ex-Psych professor after 11 years several months ago. A classmate of mine had died, albeit under strange circumstances. She stayed behind after graduation to be a professor. All it said was that she had died in her sleep;it wasn't clear whether she was still a professor or not at the time (she might've been, since she would've gotten tenure 3 years ago) If it weren't for this board, I would've called him. When I first felt tempted to call him, I called some of my friends from college INSTEAD. It was oddly instinctual-as if by calling them I would avoid calling him. Then I came here and realized WHY. In the end, you realize you can't always save someone else's soul, they might not even want saving--you can show them the way, but in the end, it's their choice. If you want to save anyone, you have to save yourself FIRST.

#19 Nov 8 - 6PM

mystwoman

Yeah for you! It feels

Yeah for you! It feels good, doesn't it? The day I blocked xnh and his family was a big day for me, too. It was a very freeing feeling for me. I don't have to wonder what he's doing now (who cares? lol.) I don't have to worry about him contacting me. I don't have EVER again see unwanted pictures of him all cuddled up at his family picnic with the OW. As for blocking emails, it depends on what you're using to get your email. Most software has some kind of blocked lists that you can set up. Try looking in your account or privacy areas. On my work email, I put his email address into my junk filter, and anything he sends me goes directly to trash (somehow that's kind of fitting..lol). If all else fails, you can delete your old email account and get another one that the narc doesn't know about.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#20 Nov 8 - 6PM

enoughalready

sick of it

Good for you. Blocking these bastards will set you free and give you peace. I blocked his txts/number, my email and FB. You will need to go to your email contacts and click to block. I searched the word "block" and followed the instructions. You are right to say , they are poison. A person who lies, cheats, manipulates, deceives and delights in your misery have no soul. They are just pure evil.... Good luck and glad you are ridding yourself from him.... X0

#21 Nov 9 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

almostlydia

Ditto, enoughalready. They

Ditto, enoughalready. They are the poison that kills slowly. Congrats, sick of it! Onward and upward from here. Everyone deserves to have YOU back and they will begin to have it again as you begin to detox from the poison of this N. almostlydia

almostlydia

#22 Nov 8 - 6PM

gettinbetter

Oh yeah and I outted him

Oh yeah and I outted him before I did it too!!! Consider the Trauma Bond Broken. It had been laying dormant for 15 years hopefully now I will be truly free of it.

#23 Nov 8 - 6PM (Reply to #2)

blueeyes

:)

I'm happy your feeling liberated. Find settings on your email and you will find the block. Talk about trauma bonding? Hmmm Praying for ya!

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