I did it and am freaking out

I deleted his phone number tonight and I am feeling kind of panicky, like I made a mistake. When I did it I thought I was so ready. I am feeling very unsure now. It is Friday night and I have been out drinking alcohol, which seems to always make me want and miss him. I had one intense experience with a narc, about 8 years ago, and then two experience since in which I cut it off early. With the first experience I can say for sure he was a narc and it was easy to look back and say that he fit the usual description of a narc perfectly. The second one, I can look back and say that he was a narc, though I did not give him a chance to run all over me like the first. With this one, I did not give him a chance to really fit the full profile but I felt that "pit in my stomach" feeling that it was going to be another "Narc story." I am starting to wonder now if it has been me all along. Could I really be running across so many narcs? Maybe I think it is my intuition and it really is something in me that is making me run away. I truly am so confused right now. Maybe I am causing them to react a certain way. Maybe I am the one pushing away and "playing games," though not intentionally. Maybe I am doing something to cause them to react a certain way, like them giving me the silent treatment. I am so confused. Can the last three guys I have dated really all be narcs? And if so, what has changed in me or in the world where that is all I am finding?
Tonight, I am not sure at all that I gave him half a chance. I have read and read and read, and talked and talked, and written and written and I still cannot seem to get a clear idea of what is going on with me. In the last 6 years I have dated 3 guys and they have all been very brief because of me. Should I just not date again? It is like the world just flipped upside down and dating is not dating anymore. It seems more like a wild jungle out there and it is a game of survival. What happened?