I cant rid of Mr Charming

I recently (6weeks ago) made the N who had been with for 9 months leave.

That lovely charming man he had been had gone and been gone for about 2 months completely. Before that he had still been there on and off.

He had moved in and I had to make him leave. I think I have made great progress but I still cant get that missing charming man out of my head.

we are both members of the same socialising group in the city and I just feel sick when people mention they have seen him. I feel stuck between hiding away and making myself go out. I went out last night but it is very hard and since I know I've been d&d'd I know it wont be long until he is out with his next victim ... sadly I cant see her as a victim but rather someone who has Mr Charming.....

I think the worst thing about all of this is how pervasive all his criticisms were ... and how they have implanted in my head.

I really just want him out and I want to forget about him.:-(

I think this forum is great as really I dont think other people can really understand unless they have been through it.

thanks T

abreva's picture

Names are powerful. Here are some suggestions: Mr. Yesterday Mr. Gone Mr. Never Mr. Whatever Mr. Forgotten Mr. Done :) Time will solve it. (along with work) Stay strong.
tootsgee's picture

mmmm interesting thought ... Mr Bloody Ugly .. funny how over the course of the relationship he started to look really different and really ugly!!! Outside matching the inside i think. I'm sure I can come up with a more fitting title... thanks x
abreva's picture

Hey TraceyJ, I like Mr. Bloody Ugly (or B.U. for short!) I had the same experience about his appearance. Now when I see him he is so creepy looking to me. -Abreva
Sparrow's picture

T, the Mr. Charming that you know and love, does not exist. He is an illusion, purposely created to lure you in, like a moth to a flame. The illusion is what you are in love with and all it has to offer you. Eventually, you will get past these feelings. But for now, I would highly recommend keeping a distance between you and the socializing group you and the N belong to together. They will be there once you have recovered. Stay NC. It is of the utmost importance in your recovery.
Maggster's picture

Yes, read here and you will quickly see your feelings are really quite normal . The pain will still be there, but for me, knowing that all those thoughts I had, especially during the first 2 weeks of NC, is part of the detox. I still think about him, the good times and the bad, NPD, and my relationship with him for the past 15 years but I now see it for what it was and not for what I so desperately wanted. Read, read, and read. I used to feel sorry that people ended up on the forum but now I consider them lucky to have the understanding, love and encouragement from those who really do understand! Stay strong-you have come to the right place!
Journey's picture

Ah yes, the charming man - I remember him well. It is true that others do not understand the implications of being in relationship with a narcissist unless they have experienced it themselves and know that is what it was. We can tell our stories and they sound awful to others, but they don't get how we can still be affected - how we can still care or feel obsessed. They don't understand why we would miss them, or why we would have trouble getting their criticisms out of our heads. You are not alone in these feelings, we can all relate with them here. Welcome to the forum TraceyJ!

Journey on...

Snowflake's picture

Its so sad, you so want Mr Charming..its a head fuck..he was there a moment ago, where has he gone? I think thats the crux of getting over it, realising he was never/never can be/never wants to be what you want. The obsession is awful...but hang in there x
Snowflake's picture

tootsgee's picture

ha ha snowflake that made me laugh.... I passed it round my office and the women loved it!!! strangely they all recognised this type of bloke.... i have the song in my head now too...... I think youre right this is the crux of the problem really ... get it into my head this guy is not real and it will all be a lot easier... thanks x