I can't help but hurt, thinking of him and OW.. My heart hurts

Today when I looked in the mirror I just hated who looked back. Here I am 25 yrs young n my last 4yrs of my life has been about him. All about him. He's the reason for my pain my hurt my anger. The reason I have stitches in my forehead the reason I have a broken collar bone the reason I'm insecure n don't have all the material things I used to. I feel low I feel used n unworthy I'm feeling exactly how he wants me to feel . While he holds OW at night im alone in my bed it hurts inside more than I thought it would! I blocked any number from callin so he can't call but I just feel rejected. I doubt hell even try to get back with me he's just as young as me he'll find some other dummy. Weird thing is i prayed for this to be over n now that I'm not even an option I feel stupid. Maybe it's my pride..