I Can See Clearly Now

the rain is gone...

I've heard that song several times in the car over the last week or so. It's a sign, I know it, even though I'm usually not superstitious.

When I hear it I'm overcome with joy-joy that I escaped in time. Joy that I'm not being belittled and demeaned anymore. Joy because I can envision that rainbow in my future.

Then at the end I get very sad and grieve for the relationship I was tricked into believing I had.. for the intense love I thought I had for this man.

There are so many things that I do see more clearly, yet I never caught him in a lie or with another woman-it's just a guess because everyone here says it's so. There is enough that I am suspicious, but no hard evidence.

So one thing I struggled with this weekend was the impulse to drive by his house. The whole time we were together his car was always home.(I had to drive by to get to my house) That's why I just cannot believe he saw OW. But, I do know the car his "dear friend" drives, and I saw it there when we first met, but not during our relationship.

If I drive by and see it, or see his car gone, I will be convinced that he WAS seeing OW. So, I've been tempted.

But, I didn't do it. I don't know why I have this need to know. It doesn't really matter. All that matters is that he treated me badly, and I'm done. But still, I struggle with this idea of wanting proof.

Anyway, just sharing.


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