i broke nc-and im happy about it!

really glad that it made you feel better. I am choosing to let it lie because I don't need any more conformation that he is an abusive POS.

I'm so glad it worked for you! :) Sometimes we need to realize that the shit really can't be wiped away from these people. There isn't a gem underneath. Now you see it and it will keep you safe if you never forget it. As far as loneliness goes... invest in rechargeable batteries. ;)

I did it too. The first time I was so broken hearted over all of it and was not sure if he really was. We went back and we lived together for over a year and YES- he is a narc. It was a such an epiphany because I had been reading here and this site game me great tools and knowledge about what to look for and like you, he passed the test with flying colors. I have no doubts now that my psychopathic narc is just that- a very sick man who can go fcck someone elses life up now. I know we are not suppose to do this-only to protect ourselves but I had to know too - and KNOW I did. no doubts. I think this time it is actually making my healing easier.

I'm glad to hear this worked for you Whoknew. The same kind of thing helped me to see the narc behind the mask as well, so I understand how it helped you. I think it is a fine line though between being shown the narc clearly, or seeing only the mask. It is dangerous to test this if a person isn't yet convinced that the ex is disordered because it can feed doubts just as easily as it can give validation. Many here already know that I had to remain in contact because of business ties. It was very confusing and I'm sure it prolonged my recovery because more often than not my ex had his mask on tight during our communications. I don't recommend having any contact if you don't have to, but it is true that sometimes it is only through their narc-like behavior or words that the truth finally reaches us in order to close the door to them for good. Journey on...

Good on you whoknew...everyone deals in a different way, and sometimes one last conversation gives the granted dose of reality you were searching for. No I have not contacted my ex, I have thought about it, and have come to the conclusion that nothing good will come of it. I think he is seeing someone else because he never hoovered anyway...and I'd prefer not to know. I have in the past done what you have when we brokeup a few years ago, and was struggling with guilt etc....it actually helped me and I'm glad I did it at the time, however, maybe I wouldn't have gone back to him. I am a big believer in that you have to be ready to let go. I went back twice as I wasn't ready to let go, and in the end I left him for the final time after being D&D on 3 occassions. Each to their own. I am glad you feel better. You have to do what is best for you, and not everyone responds to things in the same light. Whatever works. Now you can move on with no what ifs. xx

Something like this happened to me. Not long after one of the D&D, she began texting some seriously crazy completely self centered comments. "I need this..." "I am having this problem" I had just said a prayer wherein I basically surrendered all and asked for "signs". I told God I wasn't going to pray for the mending of the relationship or for her to come back to me (somehow miraculously cured) anymore but that I was laying it all down and giving it all up to Jesus. A few minutes later - the signs came!!! I got these texts which all began with the word "I" and were so beyond selfish I had an epiphany of sorts or as Oprah says a "light bulb moment". At the time it really helped, though I lost direction and eventually ended up being sucked back in (though only temporarily). SO, yes, Virignia there is Narc reinforcement and it is a beautiful thing. Sad, but beautiful. Kind of like a foregin film you don't really understand but can still appreciate the beauty and sadness. Peace, healing and love to you Whoknew

Good for you Whoknew! Glad to her it! It was a risk worth taking. But like Hunter says, do not continue. I have read a few studies that don't believe that NC is necessary. Some of their points were valid, but not enough points to convince me. Glad you got closure! Keep up the good work!

Very similar. Mine discarded me (almost a month and a half ago) in the infamous 8sentence email (or was it 9?) -- Nearly a month passed, no contact. Then one day his royal highness sends me an email saying "perhaps we can get together and talk". After a bit of deliberation, I decide to respond via email and tell him it's been a month since he discarded me and our relationship of 2 1/2 years, and tell him if there were things that needed to be said, that should've been done a month ago! I also made it very clear that if he had something to say i wanted him to do it via email, no getting together. So..... what happens but later that day he shows up at my door! With a cooler of wine coolers no less. We proceeded to talk and let me just say that the exchange was very interesting. I couldn't figure out whether it was because I'd been away from him for a month and now things are more clear, or whether he'd simply gone off the deep end..... the interaction that ensued was VERY REVEALING!! His mask of sanity had truly slipped big time. He never could give me a straight answer as to what exactly it was he wished to accomplish with his visit. While he was here he did such things as lash out at me unexpectedly during conversation (Mr. Hyde seriously made a couple appearances even while he was trying to have the nice face on.) He told me that one of our last interactions prior to break up made him suspicious... the fact that i was giddy, giggly and happy during a conversation that we had had... yeah and he thought that was acceptable. (I am happy so you get to be paranoid? i didn't obviously know the extent of the paranoia previously). He offered my underage son alcohol after i had set the boundary time and again ...um NO! and when i told him no, he proceeded to look at my son and tell him "well you know if it was just you and me".... Just a few examples of the crazy encounter. I had mixed feelings about the visit. On one hand i wasn't happy at all that he invaded my boundaries yet one more time; nor was i happy about the residual aftermath of the visit, as emotionally it brought me way back down a couple of octaves -- it felt like a setback in my healiing, as i had begun to detach and heal. HOWEVER -- i too was thankful for this ONE LAST encounter ONLY because -- it really was so revealiing and just very validating that I am on the right path. The path away from him and to a better saner life. The path back to my self. He sent me a random email today, almost two weeks later -- said "I don't know how you'll receive this email but i want you to know you are well in my thoughts and i care about you. I hope you are well." -- What utter nerve!!! How did i receive it? ~well, you will never know King Narc, you will never know!! NO CONTACT! YOU WILL HAVE NO POWER OVER ME EVER EVER AGAIN!!!

Once I did, I was able to let the acidic anger go. I still miss him somewhat, but I don't think I love him anymore. My feelings about my narc are much like yours. He never responded to me, but I wasn't expecting to hear back and I'm fine with it. This time, it was all about me. Although I still think of him..the cognitive dissonance is gone. I'm feeling good, and positive about my future and life ahead of me. I know he hasn't changed. OW is not gettting any kind of good deal. She's got a liar, cheat, narc, manipulator, the works on her hands. He will never be of any help or support to her. He's using her, of that I'm sure for money and whatever else of value he can get off her. She's being romantically scammed. He will abuse her. Does he love her? No, just like he never loved me. Every day I care a little less. I still hope he'll die soon, or fail at everything he tries, but not nearly as passionately as I did before. hahaha. I'm healing and moving on. My spirits are good. I would like to know what's going on in his life now, but I have no way of knowing, and that's just well. It promotes my healing, and letting go. She can have him with my blessings. Better her get hurt than me although I don't wish it on her. It's all about me now, moving forward and having a normal, happy life.

Good to hear :) Yes I found for some people that breaking NC works well because it confirms things that you may have had doubts about. It helps lift the remaining fog of CD. I have to have minimal contact because we have a child. In the early stages of the break up I broke NC a couple of times and got abuse etc hurled at me. I actually liked it! Because- it confirmed my doubts. It made me truly see him for what he really is. He is not a nice guy or fantasy in my head. He is a real, living, breathing disgusting monster! It gave me the confirmation I needed. Now I no longer need that confirmation- everything he does I can pretty much let it go as just another behavior of a psychopath. The hard part is when they change their angle and become mr nice guy all of a sudden. That's confusing. But I've Learnt that he always has a hidden agenda and don't buy into the 'nice guy' crap anymore. He's simply put his mask back on for a little while. I'm really happy that youve reached this stage - it's extremely freeing! Hold onto your knowledge and don't doubt yourself for a second, no matter what he or anyone else says or does. You KNOW what he is now. The only way is up baby! It truly is! You might still have some down times, we all do. But it changes when you have realised to truth and fully accepted it with the whole of your being. I still get down occasionally but it's not for want of him. I don't want him, he's a psychopath! I just get sad at my situation and what has been done to ME. My life is mine now and I'm starting to really love. Keep going girl- your doing amazing!! Hugs to you Xox

I posted this a while ago, I personally think it's a good idea! But let me stress not in the early stages. I suggest it right about where you are, STUCK, calling after knowing what you know is a valaditon of his insanity! My guess is your conversation was full of scrambled eggs! Now, don't do it again, continuing contact will set you back. Got it! You're doing great, Hunter

When my ex contacted me a couple weeks ago, it helped me to take him off that dumb pedestal I had him on. He reminded me what an immature idiot he is. Of course, he HAD to tell me he is in another "relationship". That poor OW!!! She will find out soon enough what an ass he is. It helped me to talk to him, but don't get me wrong, I still have my sad moments. Just check back at some of my posts. Last night, I cried my eyes out. But I have NO DOUBT that he is a total NARC, and he has been taken off the pedestal for good!!! XOXO :) M

When my ex contacted me a couple weeks ago, it helped me to take him off that dumb pedestal I had him on. He reminded me what an immature idiot he is. Of course, he HAD to tell me he is in another "relationship". That poor OW!!! She will find out soon enough what an ass he is. It helped me to talk to him, but don't get me wrong, I still have my sad moments. Just check back at some of my posts. Last night, I cried my eyes out. But I have NO DOUBT that he is a total NARC, and he has been taken off the pedestal for good!!! XOXO :) M