I am tough. I am strong, I am a fighterâ€¦ but I am still lonely.

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#1 Jul 21 - 4PM

Qing Yuan

I am tough. I am strong, I am a fighterâ€¦ but I am still lonely.

Do you think that for may of us we will be eternally single people. I donâ€™t think I have yet learned how to spot a narc?
They are all the same. Hiding in the wings with their insidious creeping malicious egoâ€™s waiting to splurge all over someoneâ€¦.
I am too vulnerable for anyone elseâ€™s shit.
I have closed my eyes tonight and wished that I could be beamed up out of this mess.
I hate the frigging loneliness.
My son is at his fathers.

Two things made me sad today. I saw a boy who was about 9 or 10 smoking a cigarette. He looked like he thought he was really cool. Its sick and sad this world.. And then I saw this little old man. He lives near me. He lives on his own, an old man with cat. He loves his cat and his cat loves him. He was walking with the cat outstretched, purring in his arms. He only has that cat. I wondered if he was truly happy living like that? Just him and his cat..

Can we live without others for long and be truly happy like that?
I wanted my autonomy, my independence but I miss â€˜peopleâ€™ I am lucky I have my job. But a job is not a home, a family or a community is it?

The loneliness is a killer right?
I am tough. I am strong, I am a fighterâ€¦ but I am still lonely.

#2 Jul 22 - 12AM

gigi9

I was never in my life

I was never in my life lonelier than I was in my miserable marriage with the N. I will take this kind of lonely any day of the week. And now when I look around at my life I see how full it is and I do have hope that I will someday meet a guy who is capable of an adult/committed relationship. Yet first I have to learn to be my own best friend and to live fulfilled in my own life. And again...whenever I feel "lonely" I remember just how lonely I really use to be with that N piece of sh*t and I thank G-d now for my new and full life. As I get more and more beyond that piece of sh*t with the passing of time my life expands and my hope increases. I deserve more and I will not let that piece of sh*t determine whether or not I am lonely. Truth is..he has no power over me and he is the one who is and always will be lonely in his unfulfilled pathetic existence.

#3 Jul 22 - 10AM (Reply to #7)

WellRed

gigi9

I can not add anything to your post, it is perfect! I never felt so alone as when I was in public with the N. I am alone now, but am seeing my old extraverted self coming out. I have no doubt I will either live alone in peace or find a normal human being to spend my life with. It is the N I feel sorry for, he will end up being a lonely old man.

#4 Jul 21 - 7PM

almostlydia

I understand completely.

I understand completely. And all I can hope for is one day at a time. I see so much evil in the world now that I just inch my way - little by little. We will all find our way out of this little by little and probably be amazingly strong for it. I get lonely as well especially being unemployed with no regular interaction on a daily basis. I have come to enjoy the 'small talk' and 'casual' conversation with people that i know can't hurt me. Just working thru it. This too shall pass. Stay strong. I know what you're talking about and you are not alone. Don't have any answers but we are here to commiserate.

almostlydia

#5 Jul 21 - 5PM

NancyM

Lonliness

I had the conversation with my xN and told hm that I preferred to be alone through my own choice than be lonely because of his choice. The thing about being alone now is that it is an opportunity to fully get to know myself. Spending so long looking for outer validation and support is where we all went wrong. It is time to turn inward, instead of examining the whys and hows of what happened, we need to learn how to deliver ourselves to ourselves as all we need. Going through this process, the loneliness decreases. By the time we are ready to move on to another relationship, it will not matter to us if the relationship does not work out, because we have all we need within ourselves. We will be in a place where we know what we will and will not accept. This to me is what becoming empowered is all about, and that is where I am heading. All religions tell us to look inward to find ourselves...god..or whatever we need. I think it is time we started listening.

Nevergoback

#6 Jul 22 - 10AM (Reply to #4)

Lisa E. Scott

Vix

Oh, Vix. I know what you're going through. We all do. I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. It is very difficult to adjust to being by yourself at first. However, if I may, I'd like to reiterate what Nancy M said: "The thing about being alone now is that it is an opportunity to fully get to know myself. Spending so long looking for outer validation and support is where we all went wrong. It is time to turn inward, instead of examining the whys and hows of what happened, we need to learn how to deliver ourselves to ourselves as all we need. All religions tell us to look inward to find ourselves...god..or whatever we need. I think it is time we started listening." I love your posts, Nancy! I couldn't agree with you more. I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual. I believe God is within each one of us and it is our responsibility to tap into our God-like potential. It's a light shining within us that awaits us. Being spiritual is about being a good person because you want to be, not because the ten commandments or the law tell us to be. Tapping into what is called our "God-like" potential is an amazing feeling. I truly feel in touch with that part of myself now as a result of the soul-searching I have done. God is within each one of us. He is everywhere. We do not need to go to a church to get closer to God. If we enjoy doing this, we certainly should, but I truly believe God is a light within each one of us that is awaiting us. We are meant to tap into that light and once we do, we truly understand what it feels like to live a spiritual life. I also like what you said about by the time you're ready for another relationship, it won't matter if it works out because you have yourself. So true! I mean, of course, you would like it to work out, but you no longer feel a desperate need for it to work out because you know you always have yourself. When you're in touch with your spirituality, all you need is what is inside yourself. A relationship is just an added bonus if it should work out.

#7 Jul 21 - 5PM

Happy1

and the child smoking is

and the child smoking is very sad! My son is 8 and it is horrible to think of young boys smoking like that. Also, maybe the old man is content with being with his cat. Cats don't abuse or talk back and they just love you. 8-) hugs!

#8 Jul 21 - 5PM

Happy1

Vix

I hear your pain and I understand. I am very lonely also. It's a peace that I'm not used to. I think we need to appreciate ourselves before getting involved with others. My therapist said she doesn't want me getting involved for a year. She doesn't even want me making new friends which is strange to me because I really don't have any. I guess I'm very vulnerable right now but I think what she really wants is for me to learn things that I like about me and what I like to do. Do you have hobbies you enjoy Vix? I don't know if I'm much help right now because I'm trying to feel better about being alone myself, but I feel for you and your lonely heart. I don't know if we are destined to find a man ever but I think we have to appreciate who we are enjoy ourselves. I know I was raised where you get married and have a family. Having a husband was what I was supposed to do and I did it. That's not what we need though. We don't need a man to be happy. Especially the N's we have had in our lives. We need to love ourselves first and then accept people in our lives second. I hope your day or night is better and I always feel better being on this board. I don't feel as lonely. So keep posting. Thanks, Happy1

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