I am so so tired of being addicted. will these feelings ever end?

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#1 Sep 15 - 1AM

Anonymous (not verified)

I am so so tired of being addicted. will these feelings ever end?

For me- it has been an 8 year battle...on and off the rollercoaster of passion and hell.

I had two big breaks in this 8 years of 15 months and 9 months. Every time I broke away, I knew I was trying to regain my soul back!

But I am an addict. and do addicts ever really lose their craving? someone tell me the truth.

he called 4 days ago after 4 months of NC- instigated by me as usual because of the pain of his behavior. He was contrite, curious and soft. It reeled me in but I did not bite.

but for 4 days now, I am in deep sexual craving. This man makes me quiver like no other man. The sex is like 2 people in love- deeply connecting...I wish it wasn't so. I wish I could say it was my projection....It is simply the most connected sex I have ever known.

there have been at least 50 times today that I have had to talk myself out of returning his call. and I am so God Damn tired of this addiction. Will I have to fight this my whole life??? It is going on a decade now and I am still as attracted to him as I ever was- maybe more so.

this last go around with him- from Feb. to May- the sex got even more profound. It was like touching a part of myself that was dying to be acknowledged for sooooooo long- and she was and I was in heaven.

I cannot imagine the agony of being addicted like this for a lifetime and having to constantly push down the urge....I live so close to him and that would be my version of HELL ON EARTH.

I am so tired of this craving. I sit here with a big drink in my hands , and will not call him because of you wonderful women here....but God Help me= bring me some relief.

#2 Sep 16 - 12AM

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

I think what therapists don't

I think what therapists don't get is that this is the genuine feeling that addictions ape. Feeling connected, transported, transcending self while finding self and doing this through another, is a very beautiful thing. There is NOTHING wrong with those feelings and we should all strive to be "addicted" in just such a way, with someone who isn't so f'd up. I think what happens with narcs is similar to what method actors do. They are genuinely feeling, "in love" when they are making love. It's not fake. But that's all it is for them; a transient feeling. The reason it's so great is because narcs are completely uninhibited for the most part. I know there are different types and varying degrees, but if you didn't experience guilt ever, it would be so much easier to make love, as a man. Most men have some degree of inhibition as there are often at least glimmers of conflict, even if it's over something as stupid as, "Hmmmm, I wonder if I should mow the lawn tomorrow". You know? Shyness and a slight lack of spontaneity stifle the heights of passion. Unfortunately they are evidence of depth of spirit. Sad but true.

#3 Sep 16 - 12AM (Reply to #28)

gettinbetter

I think we are speaking of

I think we are speaking of two different meanings to "addiction" I think the addiction most of us are referring to is that of compulsively craving and doing something that you are fully aware is harmful to you and having a helpless feeling of no ability to control the compulsive nature of it. Atleast thats what my therapist and I have discussed. She has said to me this addiction plain and simple. You are compulsively doing something that you know is harmful to yourself yet you feel helpless to stop. For me thats what it is plain and simple and it aint pretty. I have had withdrawl symptoms like that of a drug addict. At times when he withdrew himself from me I felt as though I was dying a slow death. I felt like I was being slowly poisioned literally. Days where I could sleep. Clenched jaws. Nausea. Panic attacks. Hives. Boils. You name it. Drug addicts often have all of these symptoms

#4 Sep 16 - 1AM (Reply to #29)

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

Worse than addiction!

It's WORSE than addiction. Trust me. When I was in my early twenties I was addicted to one of the most addictive substances on earth. The pain of withdrawal couldn't touch what I went through when my soul was snatched out of my body, doused with gasoline and allowed to slowly burn, by the narc/psychopath's deep betrayal. I had the same experience as you. I so feel for you. God, how awful, huh? This is MUCH worse than addiction. It's demonic and or alien. Seriously. I think there is a spiritual element here on top of the deep misery of betrayal that isn't taken at all seriously by psychologists. It's barely understood. Of course we want the pain of psychological torture that causes psychosomatic illness to end. Who wouldn't? Addiction doesn't begin to explain it all. Do prisoners who are water-boarded want the pain to stop? Is that being like an addict? I guess. Seems worse to me. I've had experience with both.

#5 Sep 15 - 10PM

gettinbetter

Addiction

I wish it were discussed more on here. Some of us are true addicts or what they call love addicts. Love addicts will always tangle up with narcissists. I have not been a love addict in all of my relationships. In some cases it can be one person that brings this out in you. Many believe it has roots in your childhood and something about the relationship dynamic is familiar to some dynamic you had with one or both of your parents. They refer to it as attachment hunger. You may try reading how to overcome your addiction to a person by Howard Halpern. It discusses this. There is no magic cure in the book but it does explain why you feel what you feel. My therapist has told me that this addiction is no different than drugs or alcohol and that it has to be treated as such. It takes a tone of self discipline and cognitive behavioral therapy. Bottom line is you have to want sobriety more than you want a fix and then you have to take action toward achieveing it. For me mediaction has helped with some of the obsessiveness but its not a cure all. It is but one of many tools to be used in overcoming this but in the end it comes down to self control and hard work.

#6 Sep 16 - 1AM (Reply to #26)

strivingforhealing (not verified)

yes, I have had all the symptoms of intense withdrawal

after he called me a few days ago- there was a little high ( remember i did not answer the call even!)....but the crash now that days have gone by include: nausea, shakes, diarrehea, sleeplessness, anxiety.... when he and I were actively engaging- and I knew I would be having sex with him- my whole body went crazy- gagging, nausea, shaking...and AS SOON as we were naked- it all stopped and another amazing thing- my mind stopped. my mind went quiet...just like any strong drug will do- quiet the loud chatter. I have all the drugs in the world- you name it- and this drug is by far the strongest. There IS a 12 step program that addresses this- Sex Addicts or Love Addicts or Sex and Love Addicts. They are really big here in my city. I used to go all the time- they really helped me with cravings....there were other things about the 12 step paradigm that did not resonate with me, so I stopped. but if you are STILL going back to your Narc because it is an addiction- I urge you to google these groups. The support there can be amazing. My therapist alluded to me starting to date perhaps. I think about it. but what has happened in the past- is if I have a bad date- I end up craving the N even more intensely. This is a serious life threatening addiction and we should treat it as such.

#7 Sep 15 - 10PM

foreverfun1

wow i thought it was only me

i feel the exact same way about my N. sex with anyone else is boring in comparison. i am so impressed that youve stayed NC. i wondered if theres a 12 step program or medication to help becuz i truly feel like i will die when i leave him.sorry i cant give encouragement cuz im just as stuck as you only worse

#8 Sep 15 - 5PM

girlsinger

striving

Hi THere I love what everyone wrote here striving your doing great perhas next time you will notice the number and not LISTEN before deleting the hard science says that to hear taste smell see the N (even if a man isnt an N, just a normal break up) raises your oxytocin levels back through the roof like when you were having sex with them and you didnt give them a chance to get back to thier normal level it takes about 2 years to complete this be blessed k

#9 Sep 15 - 10AM

naive46

I think getting us addicted is their whole mission

I, too, struggled with the excitement of my affair. My connection was long distance and he had me begging for him sexually when we were together once. It makes me sick now but he knew how to go deep in me and pull that out. With all of my willpower I have walked away, started therapy, and focused this sexual energy with my husband. (See my story...sexless marriage...enter N through FB). It was hard at the beginning as I felt no "passion" with my husband in reconnecting. BUT THEN....over time....my husband and I have connected very lovingly and I told my therapist that I now feel very loved. It is intimate and caring with my husband. He does care about pleasing me and kisses and holds me. As said on a post here, my N was mechanical, no foreplay, orchestrated what he wanted and I just did it. I thought "that" was exciting as it had been so long since I was with someone and he "wanted" me so badly. (He also wanted to have anal sex then...that is very telling to me now...what idiot asks for that the first time with a woman???) No...he wanted my attention and adoration and control over me. I knew of many women he was seeing but I did contact one that left him abruptly from FB. (Not proud of it but it has helped fill in my knowledge to heal as I did need another person's experience wiht him.) She told me in person she see's his inner rage. She said he said "bitch" way too easily about women, etc. He is not a warm person and yanks women around. It's about control and, with time and focus on me, I am seeing how ill he is and how disgusted I've become with him. The OW told me about how he had no friends. I could go on. She said he's best long distance as he's charming and attentive but in person red flags happen all the time. That helped as I didn't see a lot of this in person behavior. (That also solidifies for me why N's have LD relationships. They can manipulate and control, have someone available at their whims, and don't have to get close. They are best via phone and text and not so good in person to hide body language, etc.) You'll get through it. Replace this "addiction" with a positve one. I'm now an avid runner...I needed another place to focus my anxiety.

#10 Sep 15 - 9AM

Winter

I do not think it is sexual craving

A great sex doesn’t mean anything. Anything about “...2 people in love- deeply connecting”. I believe INTENSITY here is wrongly interpreted as INTIMACY. And intensity is the result of the incredible tension created by a narc. The tension, which came from our anxiety, emptiness, sadness triggered by his endless mindgames. Of course we want this tension to go away. The highs, the joy we feel during this “passionate” sex is not about intimacy or love. It is our enormous need to have our pain and tension to go away by him “showing ” us how much we are “loved”. I strongly believe that here is the source of our addiction. It is the “pain relief” and not “real joy”. In this sex there is no place for normal/calm/human tenderness which does not create an addiction btw, but a warm feeling of love and the joy of being truly loved. I am sorry if I was too straightforward. I could perfectly relate to your feelings and addiction, that is how I felt (still feel?) and I was answering partly to myself. Love Winter

#11 Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #21)

FarmGirl

Fascinating stuff! I don't

Fascinating stuff! I don't know what I'd do without this board. We don't have this kind of sex...or any sex for that matter...but forewarned is forearmed for the future in case I find myself thinking about a r with an N again lol ;o)

#12 Sep 15 - 12PM (Reply to #19)

Goldie

Outstanding response Winter

"In this sex there is no place for normal/calm/human tenderness which does not create an addiction btw, but a warm feeling of love and the joy of being truly loved." (which DOES NOT!!! Create an Addiction, BTW!!!) This is the crux Winter, and once the partner in a relationship with a PD "gets this" they are fully on the way to recovery and freedom from the addiction. Strivingforhealing, as long as YOU continue to tell yourself that this was the greatest sex and or connection that you ever had, frankly my dear, you are screwed. These are the lIE'S which we tell ourselves which keep us BOUND to the disordered one and keep our addiction alive and kicking. Winter, I also totally agree with: INTENSITY NOT NOT = INTIMACY!!! SFH, think of it this way: You are in love with, addicted to, a man who lies to you, cheats on you, talks down to you, and in general makes you unhappy. He has a PD which cannot allow him to LOVE in anyway that is EVER going to make you happy. He is selfish, self centered, manipulative, and aloof. Every now and again he decides to use you and your body to relieve himself of his anger, fear, his general sense of disconnection from the world and people, and built up tensions. Seeing as he has so much of this inside of himself it feels intense. You generally feel disconnected from him, unloved, unappreciated, unworthy, used, confused, insecure in the realationship, unsure of how he feels, and all the rest of it ect... HE decides to throw you a bone and have SEX with you. SEX for the PD is the glue that binds. IT is the ONLY glue which binds because they bring NOTHING else to the table. So here you have two people, neither one of them is on top of their game in this relationship. The PD because he is an empty hollow shell of a person, and you because you have become so damaged and needy in the relationship with the PD. NOW enters the picture, the sexual encounter with the PD and the needy one. HE decides to throw you a bone called, SEX with you. OF COURSE it is going to FEEL and APPEAR like a big thing because there is NOTHING else that you are receiving from this person, so in your mind, you put all your eggs in this basket and LIE to yourself, you say he must love me because the sex is so intense, I have never felt this way before, ect... You become so starved for attention and normalacy that you FOOL yourself into believing that the SEX is some big thing, when in reality it is only a small portion of what makes a great realtionship with two people and with the disordered one it becomes EVERYTHING because this is ALL that you are getting. The contrast to being touched and paid attention to so strongly, is startling to your mind, body, and soul, that it ONLY APPEARS to be great. HOW can it be so great if the rest of the relationship sucks. Thinking it is so great is how the mind of the addicted one in the relationship lies to themself as an excuse to keep the addiction going. These are the lies that you tell yourself in order to justify going back to and missing the very thing, the PD, which is keeping you stuck and sick. YOUR drug is keeping you stuck. Thinking about the drug as anything short of poison is keeping you stuck. He is poison to you, the sex is poison to you, the obsessive thinking is the unhealthy part of you, justifing and rationalizing and looking for an excuse to go back to your drug and stay stuck. When you change your thinking about the sex and stop making it more important to you than the big picture of what he is and what you become when you are involved with him, this is when the obsession and need for him will begin to diminish. The power lies in you, in your thoughts, your interpretations of what is real. Change your thinking and your life will also change. He is not great sex, he is not the love of your life, he is a sick, lying, manipulative disordered one who uses your body to feel connected and release his tensions. Nothing more than that going on with a PD. God bless, Goldie

#13 Sep 15 - 10PM (Reply to #20)

foreverfun1

well this a a relief to hear

well this a a relief to hear and it makes a lot of damn sense too. he does deprive us so much that crumbs seem like a buffet

#14 Sep 15 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

spinning

Wow, Winter! That is

so OUTSTANDING! You just gave me yet another 'click'! Mistaking INTENSITY for INTIMACY because of the longing, mind games, etc. and then having it all quelled when they show up! OMG this is IT! Thank you for this. For me it is the truth. Striving, you will get there. Contact causes the 'spinning' to begin again. Next time try not to listen to the message. Better yet, block his number altogether. There is hope, dear Striving. I no longer crave the beast. It no longer interests me as I have tried really, really hard to focus on creating something exciting in my own life. You will get there! Keep striving. Love and hugs from, (not) spinning. AND STILL STRIVING TO STAY THAT WAY!

spinning

#15 Sep 15 - 8AM

onwithmylife

strivng for healing, you will recover

from your addiction but like all addictions from what i have read and observed, its takes a teemdous amount of will power and energy on your part to OVERCOME, by that I mean if I were you I would seek some good therapist who is well versed in personality disorders, read al you can, many good books, blogs, Thomas Sheridan, Sam Vaknin, Melanie Antonia Evans, Sandra Brown,Aunt Alexi, all sorts of blogs, you will have to do the work to recover,SEX was the glue that kept me in for 15 freaking years, it was like soulmates,I have never been addicted to anything in my life but was to him, NOT ANYMORE, it was rollercoaster nightmare and I am free at last, !!!God almighty IT IS IN YOUR HANDS,NOT HIS

#16 Sep 15 - 8AM

Hunter

You know, I love a good

You know, I love a good cheeseburger, oh... Loaded with all the goodies, medium rare, you know it's done right when the grease runs down your arm as you're digging in! Yummy !!! How ever too many cheeseburgers results in one big Fat Ass!! Fine... Salad with fat free dressing it is!! Is not as yummy but it fuels my body and keeps me healthy!! Got it??? Getting a cheeseburger fix for a fat ass, it just isn't worth it!! Stay Strong, you are winning! As DS just said one Fuck will lead to one big huge Headfuck! Hunter

#17 Sep 15 - 8AM

dabussard

Still Crave the sex

The sex is the ONLY thing I crave from him... The rest of the mind games and crazy shit... I don't miss that at all... But oh the sex, was amazing... I had not had sex for 7 years prior to meeting him... He made me feel amazing again... Yes, I am addicted to the sex with him... NC has been the longest 3 months of my life...

#18 Sep 15 - 7AM

Nemesis

strivingforhealing

I can remember feeling exactly as you do now, especially with regards to the sex. It is possible to gradually desensitize yourself from him by changing your thought processes. When I was going through this stage I found that, in order to begin the process of desesitzation, I needed to acknowledge the following facts: 1) He is the CAUSE of the pain and NOT the solution. 2) He uses sex purely as a manipulation tool. At first I could acknowledge these as facts but it took time before I could strongly believe them. I repeated these thoughts to myself over and over and I linked them to evidence from my memories that supported them. It is my belief that they do not "enjoy" sex in the same way that we do, nor are they motivated to have sex for the same reasons as us. Their fulfillment from having sex comes from the admiration and adoration that they are receiving from their partner during the act, rather than from a true appreciation of love or a selfless enjoyment of giving pleasure to another person. It is also my belief that, during sex, they get sadistic pleasure out of knowing that they are conning another person into believing that they are feeling the same emotions and the same degree of intense pleasure during the act, pulling the wool over their partner's eyes so to speak. The exaggerated performance that they put on while making love is nothing more than a pantomime. I know this must be hard to hear and I do not wish to hurt you, please believe me, but I truly believe that what we need more than anything in this situation is honesty. Being able to clearly see the reality of this situation, as traumatic as this is, will have a sobering effect on the passion that you are feeling regarding him. This in itself will begin to release you from the pain of this unwanted craving.

#19 Sep 15 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

foreverfun1

the first time we had sex he

the first time we had sex he was amazing and i remember asking why he was being so awesome, now get this, he actually said, "it's so youll stick around" now it all makes sense becuz i got addicted to it. of course once i was needing it he stopped giving it

#20 Sep 15 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

strivingforhealing (not verified)

Thank you Nemesis. ....I will use these points as mantras today.

1) He is the CAUSE of the pain and NOT the solution. 2) He uses sex purely as a manipulation tool. I think he DID receive enormous supply when he could witness my extreme pleasure in my sex. We had so much push/pull during our 8 years and the stronger I got- meaning the more wise and knowledgeable I got to who he was- the BETTER the sex was....and I think I understand why- I was his prey- he was able to conquer a wiser woman and still get her to succumb to him. There was this huge energy between us- I see it as my wise self begging my little girl to stop...he felt this struggle - and every time he would bed me- it was a huge victory to him. and how this came out- was mind blowing connected sex...I am still standing by this...I dropped all my walls and so did he...and for one hour- we had no masks on.... my mask was always the mask of self preservation- the wise woman taking a stand...but underneathe my mask was the frightened lost little girl who ran the show too much. His mask was evil...manipulation and control...I don't see any innocence in him...or it is so so far down- that it is a pin prick of his consciousness. anyways, I am empowered today by getting all your posts. I REALLY needed to write this post and get your feedback. I knew I was vulnerable... I feel so much Love and Holding from you all. Thank you

#21 Sep 15 - 3AM

KeshaN

Every time you contact him or

Every time you contact him or have sex with him the process of healing starts over. If an cocaine addict is really trying to stop using it has to stop cold turkey. For a while the urges will be there but will soon start to fade but if he relapses and uses just one time he has started all over. You MUST have no contact with him. Do you have children together? IF not there is absolutely no reason to have contact with him. If you do make it business. Nothing should be discussed but the children drop offs pick ups etc. Its taking so long because you keep relapsing

#22 Sep 15 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

strivingforhealing (not verified)

I HAVE Not relapsed in 4 months and Winter- you are so right on!

I have been very very firm with my NC- avoiding places he goes, getting off FB, and I have even asked my friends to not bring him up. I have disappeared from his life. and then he called 4 days ago- I saw his number,my heart lept into my chest...but I did not answer. I did listen to the message 3 times and then permanently deleted it. I have NOT called back nor do I plan to. I wrote this post because I have thought long and hard about the sex part of this equation- I have to disagree with a few of you on here who think I am romanticizing the sex between us- that somehow it wasn't as good as I think it was. I am sorry, but it was. I have eyes wide open to this disorder, this sick pathology- I have been reading for probably 1.5 years on it. I DO NOT sugar coat his treatment of me at all. I know he is an Narc... but in the bedroom- the sex was deeply sensual and connecting. If I had to guess why- it was the one place we both felt safe to be ourselves. The walls were down totally. It was never about anal, crazy, gymnastical sex. There were no huge theatrics involved. It was the ONLY time I felt like the Love was real and pure. I think he knows he is very damaged and naked with me was the one place he did not have to have the mask on. I know you all want me to say that it was a lie and a manipulation...but I have thoroughly looked at this over and over- and I still come up with the sex being the only sacred part of our relationship. That said- Winter- you are RIGHT ON. I think the addictive nature of it- comes because I was so hurt in so many ways outside of the bedroom- that when we had sex- it was the relief from pain that made it a drug. I finally got to see the man I wanted as a whole in my life but because he is an N - I only got that bliss for one hour..then the hell began again. and then the craving began again- to get back to the bliss. I really appreciate you pointing this out. This mechanism is the crux of why I am craving him today- because he threw me a bone with that contrite soft message 4 days ago- and now my little girl thinks "the love is coming again" so she wants to jump into bed with him to make all the pain of the last 8 years go away,even for an hour. Oh Lord, I am crying right now so much...because you are right on...if I indulge this addiction- the little girl will think she has the Love she so craved...but then the devil will reappear and she will be crushed once again. I just have to keep strong the next week or so- because I know with some distance from his phone call- the craving will subside. I needed to be very honest with everyone here. I am proud of myself for staying NC.. but I wasn't going to throw a party in the street and say I was healed- because this intense craving had arisen and I needed to hear your thoughts and wisdom on it.... Thank you dear ones.

#23 Sep 15 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Winter

Striving, honey

I hear your little girl crying and I am crying with you too right now. But now she is crying and begging you for protection. "Please, stand up for me, do not allow it happen again" I know exactly how you feel. I can relate to every single word you wrote. The sex with my n was sensual and touched me deeply. Never rude or "hard". Crazy, yes, but never my boundaries were crossed. He was so caring, never abusive. He cared more about my pleasure than about his own one. I understand when you are saying it is not about technical performances, sexual gymnastic. I know. BTW, who would fall for it? I know what you have been feeling: this feeling of belonging, when he takes all your emotional charge, and all those almost indescribable things . I know, believe me. BUT(!) the bed was the ONLY place where he “gave” me this. Exactly as you wrote above. And that the thing, that’s the addiction. That is EXACTLY why it felt so good. And that is exactly why soon after we felt empty and used. And wanted it more and more. That is why right now you don’t crave anything else as much as you crave the sex with him. Like everyone who replied I am also so much proud of you staying strong and no contact. It is an addiction. These thoughts are addictive. It consume all our energy. But we will go through it all together. And we will be free! Love Winter

#24 Sep 15 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

Sunafterrain

Striving

I'm proud of you for keeping your NC despite his phone calls. I'd like to point something out to you here, if I may, which I will LOL! I know you believe the sex was mindblowing and that somehow he dropped his mask JUST FOR YOU, JUST DURING THAT HOUR. Nope. A good man who is really "connected" to you in any way, will treat you with respect and kindness outside the bedroom. All the disordered one has, is what's IN the bedroom. If you believed it was really all that mind blowing, you wouldn't be here. He manipulated you BIG TIME with the sex. They can do that, perform well (some of them) because it's an ACT, a SHOW and he's getting off on the fact that you were MESMERIZED by this performance. What actor wouldn't want that kind of admiration/adoration? That's ALL it was. YOU were connected/addicted, he was NOT in any way shape or form. Your relationship was about sex. Nothing more.

#25 Sep 15 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

onwithmylife

sunafterrain

everyone should read this wonderful paperback book called GET RID OF HIM, she mentions, the author, Joyce Vedral, that a relationship made up of great sex and superficial conversation is NOT a relationship AT ALL.....it is all many of them have going for them and NOTHING ELSE.......

#26 Sep 15 - 3PM (Reply to #7)

bakingfortherapy

striving...

First, I am very proud of your 4 months NC...( me too!) And after 8 years..ugh ( me too) And I think I have very little substance to add that the other posters havent covered except... Like you, I have read a ton of books for 2 years... and I just want to support and reiterate the concept that Winter makes that.. the sex is almost part of the addictive cycle.. I have read this in many books that we want to be loved so badly and want things to work out so much, that the sex part makes is even more intense because of this.. this is not to diminish your feeling about it in any way, just to back up the addictive cycle that Winter points out. Another point..please keep NC...and dont let the vampire in!! I know its early for halloween but...the vampire can only enter your home if you invite them in... So DONT break NC.. Good luck. I support you and wish you well!

#27 Sep 15 - 2AM

Journey

These feelings WILL fade...

The longer you stay away. It is exactly like an addiction and I can attest that the cravings DO fade enough to be no longer an obsession or even more than a passing thought. There will be moments when you realize the craving hasn't been felt for hours, days, weeks, months... You spent 8 years with him and you've only been 4 months NC. That's the same as doing cocaine every day for five years and being only one month clean. Think about it. That is very little time in relation to the addiction to expect the cravings to be gone. Don't worry that these feelings are still strong in you, be proud instead of these past 4 months when you've been able to remain NC. Him calling 4 days ago is the same as a recovering coke addict going to a party at only one month clean and someone snorting in front of them. Bound to trigger and be very difficult to resist the temptation to succumb if any was offered. Stay strong and trust that you WILL feel better the longer you stay away from him and his influence which triggers these cravings you feel. Hugs!!

Journey on...

#28 Sep 15 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Sunafterrain

Journey

true and beautiful post!

#29 Sep 15 - 1AM

aceonelady

strivingforhealing...so am i

Hi...i really do feel also as an addict...But you know what?I am even worse,because my ex N was a long distance lover,i was with him 3 months physically out of 2 years long distance...Skyp,Google talk,phone...me in Holland he in the USA...he only had sex with me twice...he had ED ,so the first time he couldn't get it up,and the second time was just robot sex...no foreplay,no intimacy,mechanical...2 days after he D&D me...I was rejected and humiliated,put down my self esteem was chipped away everyday in the 3 months i spent with him...Is been 2 years and some after that and i am still sexually craving...me in Holland he in the USA still...i just want to tell you all this to show far or near is always a hell ride with them,you are in pain and craving cause you are near...and me because i am far away...sometimes i think if i could bump into him on the street would be easier to cope...but now reading your post i see that really doesn't matter...me too i have to restrain myself not to answer when he sends me an email and restraining myself when i hear nothing from him...i feel too this isn't no way to live...i wish you and all the other women here in this situation lots of strenght ...Hughs

Aceonelady

#30 Sep 15 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

foreverfun1

interesting how they make us

interesting how they make us crave them even when not good at sex, scary too

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