I am so sick to my stomach.

When I started dating my bf, the ex emailed him saying a) watch out for me because I'll dump him just like I did the ex (yeah...I only stayed in narcville for two decades, I am so damn fickle!) and b) that he (the ex) got all of my youth/best years so basically, you can have the spoils now dude. Luckily my guy is awesome, he bit his tongue and joined me in NC (which would have pissed the ex off more than any response ever could). But it was hard to hear that--"I took her youth." Now I'm over a year away from the ex, I'm in my mid 40s, and I no longer think much about the years gone. I've never felt wiser, happier or more beautiful--because I'm starting to feel beautiful inside, which I didn't during that whole time. Worry and chasing around after a narcissist doesn't do anything to enhance your glow, loving, accepting, and taking good care of yourself does. I don't know how old you are Nicole but whatever your age, don't let yourself believe that there aren't wonderful times and wonderful people ahead. And given what you've been through they'll be all that much sweeter. Mourn what you've lost but keep your eye on the future. xoxo

There's no words to make you feel better about what you're going through right now :( When it dawns on you that you've devoted your whole self to a Narc, only to be discarded like a piece of garbage, it is a terrible time. We've all gone through it, even those of us who left them. We still had to accept we'd been "had", fooled, taken advantage of. All I can say is it's OK to be completely furious. Do whatever you must do to NOT act out your anger toward him, or his new victim, or anything like that. Don't lose your dignity. It's all you have right now. Your anger is like a fire. It will burn away everything that is not real and enduring. It will help you get clear. The most important thing to be clear about is that his behavior had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with you, or anything you did. He is a Narc, and he does what he does to everyone. You're watching him do it to someone else now :( Don't you just wish he'd drop dead before he victimizes yet another poor woman?? You could have been Angelina Jolie and he would have trashed you and moved onto fresher prey. That's just what a Narc does. He had no sense of your value, your goodness, your worthiness. You were a source of supply, and you just didn't know it. You were fooled, just like me, just like everyone else here. You are among understanding company here. Pick yourself up. Hate him with every bone in your body, detest him and let it burn itself out. He fcked up, bad. You were ignorant, but now you know :) Like I said, there's no feeling better right now. But there is KNOWING BETTER, and that in time, if you keep up getting support, keep on telling yourself it wasn't you, get some help or therapy if you need it, and "chin up", you'll be out the other side. The faster you want to get out the other side, well then, the harder you are going to work at getting there :)

Oh, I know...I know that pain and it's awful :( Also the feeling that you've wasted time. And so frustrating that you can't really let him have it, but I'm proud of you for seeing that already. Keep writing here if it helps. Time will soften the hurt and you'll come out of this stronger and wiser. You haven't wasted time, you've just been learning life lessons and some of them are tougher than others. Chin up.