I am shaking! he just showed up at my front door!

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#1 Oct 26 - 2PM
Anonymous (not verified)
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I am shaking! he just showed up at my front door!

I can't breathe. I am on the edge of a panic attack. My front door is wide open to let the sun in. he came right here- and I screamed - he surprised me!

He looked sad. He said he was sorry about my house being sold ( it had to be sold recently due to financial stress)...I said "what do you want?" he looked surprised that I was so short with him. He thought this attempt would work - it has before.

I looked right at him and said- "There is nothing to say."

He frowned and walked away.

I am shaking. this was the man I gave my whole heart to. This was the man I tried and tried to get to love me as I loved him. This was the man who broke me down over 8 years. This was the man who put his needs always before my own. This was the man who called me crazy. This was the man who lied to my face. This was the man who made me doubt all men!

how can I go on with this day? Yesterday marks 5 months of NC- the hardest thing I have ever done! He thought this seduction would work. It has before- he shows up gallantly and I cave and we are naked within the hour.

and now- I know it is OVER in my heart forever. he stole my innocence- my ability to believe that true good love exists.

I am shaking so much. this just happened 10 minutes ago. I am so proud of myself for not caving.

Please pray for me today.

Oct 27 - 9AM
rosedewittbukater
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SFH

Words can't express how proud I am of you! You did the right thing! I hope if this ever happens to me I can handle it as well as you did! I am so glad you chose YOU, because you deserve so much more. hugs, Rose
Oct 27 - 4AM
freaked
freaked's picture

HUGS dear strivingforhealing.

HUGS dear strivingforhealing. So glad you told him off and kept yourself safe. You are in my prayers because i pray for every member on this site. I consider this forum to be my family.
Oct 27 - 1AM
ifinallygotit
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Not that they are all stupid but...

I don't think they are deep enough to know or understand the trauma they have caused other people because they simply do not feel it. he probably wanted to see if he could get you back because you did not react when you saw him with OW - that bothers them... I think they are simple creatures - they want us to want them so they can feel ok and then discard us once they know we care
Oct 27 - 1AM (Reply to #24)
ifinallygotit
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and my sympathies to you for the shock

You did much better than I did when mine showed up 11 months later - he called though so at least I had time to think! You will be ok but it may take a few weeks to get back to a comfort zone - be kind to yourself and pamper yourself in little ways...
Oct 26 - 8PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

You chose YOU!!!

This is HUGE for you my dear. I am soooo..... proud of you, I'm sure that it was a tremendous shock. All of your hard work on yourself and recovery pain off at that very instant when you had to make a tough decision. You are self nurturing your little girl as an adult and like was said on here, rewriting history. The new history is of you taking care of you and doing what is best for you. NO MORE settling for less. This is great great news. You have done what is best for you and not allowed him to suck you back in like nothing happened. Something did happen, he fucked with your heart and soul and you said NO!!! YIPPEE!!! YOU Go Girl, you are on your way!!! The sky is the limit, without this noose around your neck your life can be and become what ever you want it to and you deserve the very best. Love you and pray for you every day. God bless, Goldie
Oct 26 - 7PM
Kimmy2
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I wish sometimes I could get

I wish sometimes I could get inside another woman's body and do it for her. It's like they can smell fear. I prayed for both of you. I sent you love then I prayed he gets hit by a truck!!!
Oct 26 - 7PM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks so so so much. your words comfort me!

yup- just a few weeks back saw him with the new OW.... he loves the hunt. well this girl ain't prey NO FUCKING MORE. I had to work today. now off to see my psychiatrist..( decided to get on anti anxieties a few months back from all this hell), phoned my therapist asap and look forward to a night with ME and a stiff drink...just one so I don't go into amnesia or romanticizing. You are so so right Hunter- Look at the positive ., this validates everything.., he brought nothing to the table nothing.. He brought ZERO to the table. he admitted no wrong doing, he said nothing about change ( would 't believe him anyways!) and he just thought his ugly mug would sway me to cave. I hate him and one day I swear I will be at indifference. I love you guys so much. Thank you from the bottom of this healing heart!
Oct 27 - 1PM (Reply to #20)
uk lady
uk lady's picture

SFH

You are so on your way to healing. Take a bow at your resounding, standing ovation. Big hugs. Dee x
Oct 26 - 4PM
needing2know
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I am so very proud of you!

I am so very proud of you! 5 months is awesome! It's posts like this that scare me, because I use to wish he would contact me, now I am scared to death of of what I would do if he just showed up like that, I would probably pass out from fear. You did so good, I am proud of you, go get you a big big glass of wine and relax and try to get yourself back together. I couldn't even begin to imagine how you must feel right now.
Oct 26 - 4PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Didnt you just see him at the

Didnt you just see him at the park with his OW a few weeks back? OMG the nerve of these freaks!! Years ago when the Narc dumped me for OW and few months later he called out of the blue and said he wanted to see me. I caved. It was 1994 I knew nothing about Narcs. He came over and poured his heart out how he missed me and we needed to spend some time together to sort things out. Of course we slept together and when he was leaving I went to walk out to his car with him. He said no worries Ill let myself out and I said no Im gonna walk you out and whose car was he driving? YEP you guessed it!!! Unfreakin believable.
Oct 26 - 4PM
Tigerlily
Tigerlily's picture

Talk about violation of boundaries.

The evil slob. Well done for staying calm. Well done for 5 months NC, too. Well done for warding him off. And now, try and recover from the shock and the violation. Call a friend or disconnect that telephone and take a bath, have a drink or go for a walk. Whatever makes you feel good. Deep breathe. Try (I know this feels almost obscene, but it`s very healing) to find something in his visit you can laugh over. Like the expression on his face when you asked him what he wanted. And don`t be taken in by his looking sad, he was probably practicing it for half an hour in front of the car mirror before he tried it out on you. After five months, you should be feeling a little better even by tomorrow. Thinking of you. Tigerlily
Oct 26 - 4PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

God -- it just shows you how

God -- it just shows you how evil they are. He KNOWS that you are completely traumatized just by the sight of him, so he shows up to torment you. I know it sounds bad, but take a psychic ax to him and lop off his head! You're the Empress and he's a condemned man! I'm really proud of you for being so brave and resisting him. It shows how much strength you've developed and will continue to develop. You're AWESOME!!! Hugs, D.
Oct 26 - 3PM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I'm missing where the

I'm missing where the seduction is coming in. lol Asking if the house was sold -- that is his way of seducing? :=P I'm trying to make you laugh. you did a great job. be proud of how far you have come. :=) and shoot him with a tranquilizer gun next time and call animal control. :D
Oct 26 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Oh Shit!!!

I'm so pissed and upset for you.. Talk about no boundries., he just walks thru the front door like he owns the place. Fuck Him.. You poor thing.. This a perfect example of how the mind of a disorderd one works., Look at the positive ., this validates everything.., he brought nothing to the table nothing.. Process this SFH. Phone the thearpist ., you'll be ok just breath., Hunter
Oct 26 - 3PM
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Great job striving!!

You go girl!! You remembered all the wonderful people here and our strength together held you up high!! Great job : ) The last time I saw exN I asked him exactly what he wanted from me, maybe that line works to ward the evil bastards away. Its all about what YOU want now, not what he wants. Congrats on the 5 mos NC!!
Oct 26 - 3PM
Tiffany30
Tiffany30's picture

Good job! Sounds like my ex

Good job! Sounds like my ex and I. I finally stood up to my ex in an email and I feel sooo much better. We deserve men that respect us! He walked all over me cause I let him, but not anymore. I have a man now that treats me with respect that I deserve.
Oct 26 - 2PM
spinning
spinning's picture

striving, all of your hard work

and striving, the pushing through the pain and confusion, has paid off in that moment. You re-wrote the script and rejected the familiar, but very detrimental pattern that almost destroyed you. I am so proud of you for CHOOSING YOURSELF! This is HUGE!!! Great things are in store for you, Striving! Thank you for sharing this post. It is a shining light and an example that we truly are capable of rejecting the madness and regaining ourselves and our power. Hugs to you, striving, from (not) spinning. I CHOSE MYSELF, TOO!

spinning

Oct 26 - 2PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Wow! I am sure you didn't

Wow! I am sure you didn't see that one coming! You were blindsided, and after 5 months! We should all pay attention here, this is a prime example that they can pop up out of nowhere at any given time. My hat is off to you, you didn't cave, that is awesome! Celebrate your new found freedom, your liberation! You have so much to be proud of! Deep breathes............great job! You go girl!
Oct 26 - 2PM
bakingfortherapy
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omg...

striving, I am at 5 months NC also. And I agree "the hardest thing I have ever done" and... I hate so much that I now doubt all me. I dont truxt men, I dont trust myself- my judgement...ugh! And I also have practiced the exact same words to say if mine were to show up at my door!!! (Getout of my head!) You did GREAT! You are doign great... Keep up the good work!!!! YOU Deserve better than the NARC!! :)
Oct 26 - 2PM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I felt all of your women here standing with me..

honestly- if it was not for this forum- I don't believe I could have done this. I really have great love for each and every one of you. I wish we could all just take the day off and go to a happy hour. I so need a big drink and some laughs. this is going to be a hard day. XO
Oct 26 - 2PM
going 2 be ok
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awesome!!

oh my gosh, I am so proud of you!! You did it! YOU ARE AWESOME GIRL!!!!!!
Oct 26 - 2PM
Layla
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Halloween

Scary monster showed up in time for Halloween, I see........ ; ) love~ Layla
Oct 26 - 2PM
Used
Used's picture

strivingfor healing

well done, well done, you blanked him, you done it, no naked within an hour......yes its over, i will be thinking of you now, its over and you know it, you are in shock, just do what you want, sit, stand ,chill, think, whatever you are comfortable with you must do.......BRAVE BRAVE WOMEN....you are way on the road to recovery.xxxxxx
Oct 26 - 2PM
uk lady
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Well done

You should be so proud of yourself Striving. Sending you prayers and a big hug. Dee x
Oct 26 - 2PM
NarcJunkie
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Wow - I'm proud of you!!!

I would have totally caved in! Do you have an emergency friend you can call? The only thing that works for me when I have a shock like that is have a whiskey (to numb the pain) and get emotional support right away! I even once went up to a lady in a store and told her my story because none of my friends were available, and she was so kind and so sweet... Sometimes total strangers can give you the support you need. :) That Narc probably didn't know what hit him - well done, Striving!! :)
Oct 30 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
sunshine11
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Very proud....

This is my very first post. I just want you to know how proud I am of you!!!! Your N sounds just like mine. I still get shaky just thinking about him. I have only been about 6 wks of NC this time. But we have been off and on for about 8 yrs now. What bothers me the most is not being able to trust again or to trust my judgement. I am so glad that I found this site. Hang in there!!!